I need help and advice and support and just everything (HEAVY TRIGGERS)

I need help and advice and support and just everything (HEAVY TRIGGERS)
S

Scars89

New Registrant
I have been a member of this place for many months, reading so many stories, and yet this is my first post.

I am 32, and I was a victim when I was 14. My abuser was a female, and not just that but she was also my teacher. The TRIGGER that brought all of these memories back in my mind AGAIN was because of a teacher in ohio who had sex with her 15 year old student, and as we all know these kinds of stories just keep happening.
The story of this teacher in Ohio happened earlier this year, around the same time that I got married. My wedding got fucked up because of the memories that entered my brain, and sadly our honeymoon got fucked up because of those same memories. ITS LIKE MY TEACHER FROM 18 YEARS AGO STILL HAS CONTROL!!!!
A few months ago and I found a couple old friends from my old Jr High class on facebook, I also found my previous teacher from when I was 13. I asked about HER and to see anybody knew about HER, and one of my old friends told me that she was still good friends with HER and gave me HER new last name and gave me a link to her facebook page. I DID NOT LOOK!!! In fact I did the opposite and unfriended/blocked everybody that I found from my Jr High class.
Sometimes I want to report HER but most of the times I dont. I was 14, I had no friends, my mom was going from one guy to another, I had a speech problem that kids made fun of, I had an acne problem that kids made fun of. But I had a teacher who liked me and watched over me and loved me, and I loved her for taking of me and not making fun of me, and later on the sexual stuff happened and the sex happened. I only knew her for the 1 year, I never did see her again after that. her younger brother played high school football, so I am sure she was in her early 20's jut like this Ohio teacher.
And yet sometimes I still consider myself lucky for having this wonderful little secret that my other friends didn't have. They made fun of me, but I had something they didn't have. STUPID HUH!?!?!?
Sorry for rambling. I am going to post this and just look for replies later.
 
Not stupid at all. You feel some positives from it because they did their best to make you feel amazing so that you would keep your mouth shut and keep going back.

My advice is write everything down, even if it’s yourself who reads it. Make sense of what happened and then start cross checking things if you have anything (no matter how small) to support it

Once you have written down how it happened why it happened and how you feel and felt. Ask yourself, would you want any other child to feel this way? Could there have been other children who felt this way? Then i’d suggest speaking to a lawyer for advice on because other children could end up suffering real harm or even self harm if they get away with it
 
I second what Not_our_fault wrote. It sounds like it is all overwhelming to you, and writing it out, being able to look over your experiences and your thoughts and feelings about it may be an important first step in figuring out what kind of help you need.
 
Scars89 said:
I have been a member of this place for many months, reading so many stories, and yet this is my first post.

I am 32, and I was a victim when I was 14. My abuser was a female, and not just that but she was also my teacher. The TRIGGER that brought all of these memories back in my mind AGAIN was because of a teacher in ohio who had sex with her 15 year old student, and as we all know these kinds of stories just keep happening.
The story of this teacher in Ohio happened earlier this year, around the same time that I got married. My wedding got fucked up because of the memories that entered my brain, and sadly our honeymoon got fucked up because of those same memories. ITS LIKE MY TEACHER FROM 18 YEARS AGO STILL HAS CONTROL!!!!
A few months ago and I found a couple old friends from my old Jr High class on facebook, I also found my previous teacher from when I was 13. I asked about HER and to see anybody knew about HER, and one of my old friends told me that she was still good friends with HER and gave me HER new last name and gave me a link to her facebook page. I DID NOT LOOK!!! In fact I did the opposite and unfriended/blocked everybody that I found from my Jr High class.
Sometimes I want to report HER but most of the times I dont. I was 14, I had no friends, my mom was going from one guy to another, I had a speech problem that kids made fun of, I had an acne problem that kids made fun of. But I had a teacher who liked me and watched over me and loved me, and I loved her for taking of me and not making fun of me, and later on the sexual stuff happened and the sex happened. I only knew her for the 1 year, I never did see her again after that. her younger brother played high school football, so I am sure she was in her early 20's jut like this Ohio teacher.
And yet sometimes I still consider myself lucky for having this wonderful little secret that my other friends didn't have. They made fun of me, but I had something they didn't have. STUPID HUH!?!?!?
Sorry for rambling. I am going to post this and just look for replies later.
Click to expand...
Nothing you've written is stupid. It makes a lot of sense. I was abused by my mother, who started molesting me when I was maybe around 13, but I didn't recognize her abuse of me until I was 32-33. When I saw it for what it was, it all hit me really hard, and if my wife just touched me, I would jump. That hurt my wife's feelings, and after a while she would just say things like, "I know you don't like to be touched." Which wasn't true, or at least wasn't at the beginning of our marriage and then maybe was true. I later found out that my brothers had agreed (behind my back) that I was Mom's favourite son. So I was a favourite, which is supposed to be a good thing, but, really, I was molested--even though I didn't know then that that was what it was. It's confusing, and it has affected my marriage. I'm sorry your teacher abused you, and that you are facing some of the impact of that. Our stories are not the same, but I want you to know that you are not alone.
 
I don't know what to say accept that I wish you peace. This site has helped me (although tbh stay away from both feminist and anti-feminist websites). It will be helpful to get therapy if you can. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy can be helpful too. It gets better. Trust me.
 
Scars89 said:
I have been a member of this place for many months, reading so many stories, and yet this is my first post.

I am 32, and I was a victim when I was 14. My abuser was a female, and not just that but she was also my teacher. The TRIGGER that brought all of these memories back in my mind AGAIN was because of a teacher in ohio who had sex with her 15 year old student, and as we all know these kinds of stories just keep happening.
The story of this teacher in Ohio happened earlier this year, around the same time that I got married. My wedding got fucked up because of the memories that entered my brain, and sadly our honeymoon got fucked up because of those same memories. ITS LIKE MY TEACHER FROM 18 YEARS AGO STILL HAS CONTROL!!!!
A few months ago and I found a couple old friends from my old Jr High class on facebook, I also found my previous teacher from when I was 13. I asked about HER and to see anybody knew about HER, and one of my old friends told me that she was still good friends with HER and gave me HER new last name and gave me a link to her facebook page. I DID NOT LOOK!!! In fact I did the opposite and unfriended/blocked everybody that I found from my Jr High class.
Sometimes I want to report HER but most of the times I dont. I was 14, I had no friends, my mom was going from one guy to another, I had a speech problem that kids made fun of, I had an acne problem that kids made fun of. But I had a teacher who liked me and watched over me and loved me, and I loved her for taking of me and not making fun of me, and later on the sexual stuff happened and the sex happened. I only knew her for the 1 year, I never did see her again after that. her younger brother played high school football, so I am sure she was in her early 20's jut like this Ohio teacher.
And yet sometimes I still consider myself lucky for having this wonderful little secret that my other friends didn't have. They made fun of me, but I had something they didn't have. STUPID HUH!?!?!?
Sorry for rambling. I am going to post this and just look for replies later.
Click to expand...
I am sorry for what happened to you & I can relate to most of what you are going thru. I was ten when my fourth grade teacher started abusing me, although my teacher was male. My teacher made me feel special as a new kid in town & my parents freshly separated. Nothing that you shared sounds stupid at all! You are entitled to feel the way that you do because you experienced it & it is up to you to process & heal from it. Rest assured you don't have to go it alone. There are many great & caring men here that will offer support & understanding along the way. Best wishes going forward.
 
You are here writing about what happened with your teacher and it seems you have conflicted feelings about it. You were isolated, likely not feeling too good about yourself and this teacher gave you attention that eased your pain. Your reaction to reported instances of teachers being sexual with students suggests what happened to you did not have a happy outcome. If it did you likely would not be on a website devoted to sexual abuse experienced by boys. So it seems you have some healing work to do and we can take your post as the first installment.

It is important to tell the truth. As Not_our_fault suggests, writing about it might help. Telling the truth does that. My guess is there is much more to talk about than what happened with the teacher. What was home like? Was it a safe place? What was the neighborhood like? Was it a safe place? Often times trauma at home is a precursor to trauma we encounter later. You get the picture. Healing is a journey that really requires being honest with ourselves.... honest as well as kind. I'm glad you spoke to us about your experience. Many of us have had traumatic experiences with women in our lives. Mine began with my mother and it went to some bad places after that. Welcome to the club no one really wants to join, but is glad we found.
 
Scars 89,

Welcome. I guess it is sufficiently unlike my own experience that it provides no triggers. That you were in an unstable home. early adolescent social anxiety and trauma. The grooming by your teacher of support and affection, made you vulnerable. To find her kindness and sexual offering very attractive and minimized the trauma is normal. As visitor said you clearly have conflicted feelings. Writing, measuring the safety experiences at the time, trauma experiences with your mother and her boyfriends, are all tools which may help. My terror was buried for 25 years. I cried for three days and got a therapist.

I had a wonderful introduction to sex with a 21 year old woman when I was 16. I had already been molested at 10 and 12 by my brother, and raped by my mother's friends starting at 13. Findin the positives about yourself and becoming engaged with the journey of healing are essential actions of your Club membership "that no one really wants to join."

Go with God
 
Scars89 said:
I have been a member of this place for many months, reading so many stories, and yet this is my first post.

I am 32, and I was a victim when I was 14. My abuser was a female, and not just that but she was also my teacher. The TRIGGER that brought all of these memories back in my mind AGAIN was because of a teacher in ohio who had sex with her 15 year old student, and as we all know these kinds of stories just keep happening.
The story of this teacher in Ohio happened earlier this year, around the same time that I got married. My wedding got fucked up because of the memories that entered my brain, and sadly our honeymoon got fucked up because of those same memories. ITS LIKE MY TEACHER FROM 18 YEARS AGO STILL HAS CONTROL!!!!
A few months ago and I found a couple old friends from my old Jr High class on facebook, I also found my previous teacher from when I was 13. I asked about HER and to see anybody knew about HER, and one of my old friends told me that she was still good friends with HER and gave me HER new last name and gave me a link to her facebook page. I DID NOT LOOK!!! In fact I did the opposite and unfriended/blocked everybody that I found from my Jr High class.
Sometimes I want to report HER but most of the times I dont. I was 14, I had no friends, my mom was going from one guy to another, I had a speech problem that kids made fun of, I had an acne problem that kids made fun of. But I had a teacher who liked me and watched over me and loved me, and I loved her for taking of me and not making fun of me, and later on the sexual stuff happened and the sex happened. I only knew her for the 1 year, I never did see her again after that. her younger brother played high school football, so I am sure she was in her early 20's jut like this Ohio teacher.
And yet sometimes I still consider myself lucky for having this wonderful little secret that my other friends didn't have. They made fun of me, but I had something they didn't have. STUPID HUH!?!?!?
Sorry for rambling. I am going to post this and just look for replies later.
Click to expand...
Abusers really have a way of reeling you in. Mine wasn't my teacher but other things were similar. Was an older female, friend of my mom's. She had known me for years, why nothing happened with her before I do not home. Maybe I wasn't the right age, maybe she had somebody else that she was abusing? The reason I THINK it happened was because she found a way to have unlimited access to me for two to four days at a time. I was an awkward kid not many friends. Mom was I don't know emotionally distant cold whatever you want to call it. I wasn't neglected by any means but I never remember her her saying that she loved me and having it feel like it was real. Only other sibling was physically and mentally abusive. My father was the only one who I felt close to but he worked a whole lot. So I was star for attention too. Didn't have hardly any friends. So when an adult female started even making small gestures that she cared meant a lot to me. Like all things it usually start small but then progressed. She started with just what most people call molestation, some accidental touches then over the pants touching. Being really close physically, you get the picture. I got to the point that she was sodomizing me against my will I said no but I guess I meant something different to her. By the end I was just a thing that she used my emotional and physical trauma was her sexual release.

So almost exactly 40 years later all this shit starts coming back on me. Right now I don't even know if I could date somebody, let alone being physically intimate.

In high likelihood my abuser is dead. But she still has hold of me in some ways today. It takes work, and time. But I'm trying to put the distance between her and I today. Those bitches can have a long reach.
 
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