i need friends

[beginning108]

i've been isolated for soo long, and more often than not i don't trust anyone, or get hurt - just makes me want to stay alone. i just need friends, but i'm not happy go lucky, i'm intensely quiet and untrusting (at first and then generally, if you get to know me). my father so overbearing and actually incestuous and mother so not there, unbelieving and also incestuous (emotionally, if you can really simplify it to that) and so that's what i see and fear and eventually make in everyone (minus the overt sexual abuse). it's a sad life, and i'm just in the beginning of my recovery from "extreme" denial, but it seems so extreme to me...i've been trying to do things, and putting off living, but i can't anymore, i have to start living...it's like i'm starting now when everything else has already been going for years...it's scary! just venting. thanks

 

[lostcowboy]

Hi Beginning, You are starting to take the first steps.

Take care,
Lostcowboy

 

[blueelectron9]

Hi. Yes, living and breaking out of isolation can be very scary. It certainly is for me. It's hard for me to leave the house most of the time.

I've been in therapy dealing with this for almost six years now and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, though I certainly have my moments when I think it's all coming crashing down. The beginning is very scary. I didn't know who to trust or how to trust and didn't want anyone around me--even my partner.

It sounds like you have a good idea of where you want your recovery to go and I think that's great. It's a big step to want to change. I know I do. That's fueled my recovery when it becomes stagnant or sometimes too difficult.

I wish you courage and health and life.

Be well,
Scotty