I meet the little boy, and he kicks my ass. Big Triggers
lostcowboy
Registrant
This is a tale about when I became aware that I had a little guy. I think this took place in 1979, in Hawaii I was 22 or 23 years of age. As far as women were concerned I was a virgin, had not even touched a girl in any of their sexual places, or been on a date with one. Due to the amount of money the navy would pay you to live off base, it was common practice for two or more guys to live together and split the rent. Navy slang for this is a snake ranch. You normally did not team up with some one from your own division, by the end of patrol you have seen to much of them. There was me a Navigation Electronic technician, a missile technician and a quartermaster. This was the third off crew we had done this. One of the guys had gone home for leave, and was due back that day. When I walked into the apartment, I saw he was back and started to say hi, when I realized there were four body's in the room not three, and one of them was female. I fell instantly in lust, I could say love but I don't really believe in love at first sight. At first I thought my friend had brought his girl friend back, but they made it clear that he had met her on the plane, she only had $10 on her and would it be ok if she stayed with us until she found s job. To make this a little shorter, she stayed with us the whole three months of off crew, the MT offered to pay her way back home to Colorado. I had developed a huge crush on this girl but could not express any feelings toward her. We now come to the going away party, there was good food, rum, beer and I think pot. The other two guys were drinking the beer, I was drinking rum and coke and the girl was doing beer and may be smoking pot. As the night went on, things started getting wild. One of the guys, the quartermaster passed out. This left the missile tech and me. It was at about this time that the girl sees that the quartermaster has passed out, and announces that she wants to pull a prank on the guy, lets all three get naked and pretend we had had sex together, we would all be in the same bed, and see the expression on his face in the morning. We agreed. Where upon she drops tops and bottoms and dives under the covers, we do the same, we are head to feet, both me and my Friend have a leg. By this time I was drunk on my ass. I have learned from this and other times that when I get drunk, Ug the caveman can escape the chains I have placed on him. He wants to do some exploring, and so do I. I had developed this concept that any sex was ok as long as it was between consenting adults. I am thinking I would start at her toes and work my way up her leg, Being the type of girl she is I am sure she would say no anytime she did not like what I was doing. Oh the room is pitch black, I have no idea what the other guy my friend is doing or thinking about what I am doing. I am in my own little world exploring her leg. I touch her private parts, she does not say no, I start playing with them, she does not say no, soon she is as wet as a goose, as the saying goes. But I have read a lot of playboys about foreplay, surely she should have been doing something more than lie there! With that thought, it hits me, if she has passed out she would be laying there that still, or worst still what if I was wrong about this girl and she was just scared to death about what I was doing. Ether way she would not be consenting to it! With that thought I stop what I was doing put my clothes on go out on the patio and close the door behind me. I am culled up by the rail, trying to get a handle on what has just happened! (you may have noticed that I have not said anything about being raped, I am aware that it happened, but don't think it had any effect on me at this point in my life. I think living with my stepfather who was a violent drunk, and moving 15 times between first grade and joining the navy has had a bigger effect on me.) It is about this time I realize that someone is screaming at me, inside my head! He is so pissed off at me, his face is so red with anger, He is saying a lot of cuss words and saying I got to do it. Do what I ask, still not knowing who this is in my head. You got to kill yourself! Say what?
About this time my MT friend opens the door and sticks his head out, and asks whats the matter, the girl is ready, don't I want to have sex, or words to that effect. I say no you go on if you want. He can tell I am real upset at something but he has no ideal what. Are you sure, he asks. Yes I am sure just leave me alone! He shuts the door, I am sure he and the girl are talking about me, not that I care at this point, I am trying to convince this gremlin or what ever the hell he is that I don't deserve to die. He is saying to me that I MOLESTED her, and now I got to kill my self. I didn't mean to I am sobbing it just happened. That don't matter, you did it, now jump! NO! YES, you promised, you promised ME! I can now see the room he is standing in, its that old restroom in the park, with all the shit on the floor. Yes I know him, he is me when I got raped, and I did make a promise to him. I try one more time to get through to him. I agree I did promise, but what if? He says what if, suspiciously? What if she was not hurt I ask? He seems to think on it, maybe just maybe.
Somewhere around this time the girl opens the door, asking if I am all right, you can tell she is concerned about me. Yes I am going to be fine, I'll come in in a while. So what do you think I asked myself, was she hurt? Not sure maybe she is just keeping it inside until she gets safely home.
Sometime that night the little boy disappeared, back to where ever he came from. Sometimes, he flashes me vivid images of me on the restroom floor with my pants around my ankles, this happens when Ug the caveman is attracted to a young girl. Please don't ask why he is sometime attracted to a 12 to 18 year old girl, its not something I want!
About this time my MT friend opens the door and sticks his head out, and asks whats the matter, the girl is ready, don't I want to have sex, or words to that effect. I say no you go on if you want. He can tell I am real upset at something but he has no ideal what. Are you sure, he asks. Yes I am sure just leave me alone! He shuts the door, I am sure he and the girl are talking about me, not that I care at this point, I am trying to convince this gremlin or what ever the hell he is that I don't deserve to die. He is saying to me that I MOLESTED her, and now I got to kill my self. I didn't mean to I am sobbing it just happened. That don't matter, you did it, now jump! NO! YES, you promised, you promised ME! I can now see the room he is standing in, its that old restroom in the park, with all the shit on the floor. Yes I know him, he is me when I got raped, and I did make a promise to him. I try one more time to get through to him. I agree I did promise, but what if? He says what if, suspiciously? What if she was not hurt I ask? He seems to think on it, maybe just maybe.
Somewhere around this time the girl opens the door, asking if I am all right, you can tell she is concerned about me. Yes I am going to be fine, I'll come in in a while. So what do you think I asked myself, was she hurt? Not sure maybe she is just keeping it inside until she gets safely home.
Sometime that night the little boy disappeared, back to where ever he came from. Sometimes, he flashes me vivid images of me on the restroom floor with my pants around my ankles, this happens when Ug the caveman is attracted to a young girl. Please don't ask why he is sometime attracted to a 12 to 18 year old girl, its not something I want!