i love you

[Sterling]

scared. I have this job interview for CAA dispatcher
what if they don't like me
this is not accurate
it is accurate . no don't be negative goran.
how o do I prepare for this job interview.
I ask my self these questions I turn it into a scribing
journaling about my own pain.
how do I not turn this into. something
I fuckin hate this. iiiii

 

[Sterling]

yu do know goran you ate you talking to them
and you anr anre you video taping yourself
ba e be careful know that the thoughts are coming from
and rage anger . don't have to make ir worse.
don't make it to them to maey tka akte thye
fucking tupign. tuping
typiogn.
don't take me. t don't take them.
I will never forget this place.
eb website.
Toronto. iwi wihd wish I could see you.
hom.

 

[Sterling]

hate this. i dont want to give in. but have to.
cant look at them. dont look at them.
thing is now if i look at guys it is down hill.
i never liked girls.
i never liked me.
and i will never like you.
you did stuff to me that is horrific.
videotaped me naked. and then you love me.
kiss me. that is disgusting.
i like girls cant.
dont . know. me bekaz of you.
i dont know how i will get to love me.
dont want to hate me
dont want this.
want my own masculinity.
this is hurtful. shamed. this is your problem.
got away with murder.
, dont go to be . me thatm hate me. theat mate me
. then i go to school. school of life. of loving people.
in . onst you are understand you are dumb bforan.
you have to listen to us. you will enver speak
never. sound sound sound.
goran

 

[Sterling]

hate this. I can use a hug. I don't want to see that.
I don't care if guys need love.
I cant love anyone.
and that is b/c of you , peder.you cant stand you.
you need this you need sex. you . am sont you this.
I don't wan tyou talk. why is that goran? why cant you talk
YOU WOULDNT LET ME!
I NEEDED MOM. YOU FATE YOU FATA YOU FA YOU YOU YOU TAKE
YOU YOU YOU YOUY. YOU NEVER WANT TYHIS COWARD.
YOU DF FUCK . THAT THEN YOU LEAVE ME.
all the time. and then it is okay weh eh ewehn when o bozna
screams at me and then she pets me like this is okay.
you were there. you lie. smila donest care. I hate thi.
no matter what I do I w sit still have this shit in me.
I will never have love. I don't want to know what love is.
I hate ou you. I am . have you a job interveiiw
and I don't know who to taeyou this. I get beaten up at billies
and you. grab my have lets go fuck you. go eat something.
I can do this all the time you got away with it . what hope
is this. I want to give in and I don't want to give in
I hate this. I don't want to look at your penis.
ih hat hate it. I the hate smelling your crothc. I I don't
need you. you don't do that and expect to get away with this.
murderer. you and your wife want to kill me.
you know this and your real wife doesn't want tm. me
that is what they say. I hate this.
ffeeeling raney. rainey rainey what do you want goran
I want me an d don't know who ia m .
I am acres of thining. I am afraid of living.
I don't want anyone to feel wah what I am feeling.
I don't want anyone caring about me.
retards. I would rather be in a town full of mentally challenged people than to ever think of you again.
fffffff.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.ff.f.
ff.f.f.f.f.f..f f..ff.f.f..ff.f.f.f.f.f..f.f..f
fff.f.f.f.f.fdont want to know you..d.d.d.dd.d
d.d..d.d.d.d.dshit shti sthi sthis thi.
idn india. I wonder if I let go of this I can go to Russia
or Zimbabwe or some fucing country welllllllllllll
I hate thissssssssssssssssssssssss
this is torture. just let theat be the word.
and I don't want you. o oooooooooo
gornainst my son. yea that is what you seaind.
farrrrrrrrrrr.rrrrrr rrrrr garbage. smila smacks me
casue I don't know how to listen. you taught me this.
you. fucking rapist!!!!!!! ahi shit you. shit . I wish
I could take a big crap on your mouth right now!
open wide fuckhead..... wish zoran could be there with you.
and you moron smila I wont see zorans family b/c of you
fuckinggggggggggggggggggggg
loserssssssssssssssssssssss sdfsdfs;fd;fjsd
dfdfdfdsj;sdfjd;fjkl dfdjkfds;ljfs;dlajf;lfkjf
sdfsdfkjsad;fljsad;lfsjad;fjsd;fjsdf;sdaf
sdfdskfsd;fjsd;fjsd;fjsd;fjsd;fsdfs
inhale. brabreathe ...........................don't
need them. let him die with gay porn.
he likes that. hopefully you see him watch it smila.
he likes donkeys too. let him have a buffet at the computer
salvitating. he needs love up his ass. .....
he hates me the he htae s me gar. shit. at tat
at you atyou at you at ouy . in the casket and shut it
. I wont go to his funeral. iw will heapyer.
sure abou that. I don't wan thi. I don't nee dhim
he need mommy and daddy. go to them fuckboy. you like to fuck
fuck your cow of a mom. she is all bones now.
I hope God helps ime. ihope I get this job tomorrow.
am not prepared. k onw you have you've. you ave you me
you ever you ame me. you . you will suck your bother tiny
dick. and you tatyou live with me. no live with them
I don't know mwy. them are no me me not in billie housr
billie needs someone. not me. better wathc ponr there illi
I billie you know daddy a is gay. you know .
what is this doing. why do ihve to do t his
I hate this ..... sht. this. d lonely sucks.
how to . live. ho w do yo fuck up my brain. you are
garbage. you got that one right smila.
he is garbage a waste of human life. that is what that is.
no macedon in this cowboy. fuck that!
go home .....where is your home karil. billies.
yea, better have se xwith them they wattttttt
rage. feeling angry feelings ugly feeling this ffe
just b/c/I feel this I don't feel better.
I ate ths mcdonalds food I didn't want to
I hate eatin g a lone. I hate it.
even ...I hate you I hope you remember youy are shitl
I hope you think of eatin g alllllllllllllllllllllllll
the timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
over and over.i wont fight poel
goran you se secertet your secret that isn't my secret
its theirs they cant stand their mom or dad billied dad is
gay. everyone knows it. nobody will do anything.
secrest are shit!! never again. I hope be ap part of this.
I want a new life. new new new new new
how thef fuck will I ever e be with a woman it is impossible.
I don't know if she will lagu at my dick.
I don't know what I will do.
I hate feeling compeeleled to give in to your gay stuff.
you don't push your queer feeling into me. you don't do that to anybody nobody should get angry for you nobody should have to take care of you this doesn't work that way.
only gov't do that crap!
you blow. go blow your dad. you like me. you know don't me
dotyou nll tyou. you. and you. and you should go with me
I don't want you kay smila . I don't want to kjow you
you hated me and this is all their shit. you signed for those fucking losers to come to Canada and you got shit.
he is the worst husband he sone doenst want you he likes bozna
he dowees. that cunt no one how to break minds she is mentally
severly fucked. and I never knew you an dnever will
I wish you have all the rf firend s in the world and hope they listen tyou to you. you deserve that. I see you as a sweet m woman who wants wom somethneo to listen to youl. you didn't deserve ths eh the shit you got in your life. that is s a real shame. you got bullied all over the fukcing place.
I hate it. you stay away form her you better fucking her .
some pearcce . tired. gorna stop thinst and start taking care abtouy tlei. I see this floor I always had this recurring dreaM where I am walking and I keep wak ing and conine into some hotels and bars and chris is with me an di always am on a ledge and want to jump or temepted and nethen I wake up.
I s always felt stuck. how do I unstuck my self.
don't know.
why. wyhy why why why why. why this is exhausting.
thesi tis terrible. I never had love how tyou let me be touched lke that and think you doe did nothing worng. I walked on a soccer feeield ae everyone thought I was a girl. and you laughed. that isn't funny don't laugh at any kid esp. your own.
fucked garbage. you are absolute shit. ia ms o stired, of
this. I wont ever see you. I odnt know who to look. I don't know hw what I a man like or man . man man. man man man
you scare me. I scare you? you are 20 years l older than me
fuckhead. creep. I coulnd have had sex with men.
I don't want that I fuck you nokw who I am. I don't hwave no
clue what I am supupoed to do with my life. I
loathe you . I wish you never remember me. hope everyone
of you are sick with yourselves all the tije tyo. you
want me to die. not happenidg. faesls ddl;kll;
cdj;djf;dfj pice of shit
piece of shit. I cant look at the cojputer stairstraight ahead
id if I get this job I have to learn to slow down d so ican type better than this.
I hope you the youself bilie I hope you force yourself to eat
or die. iw with dick in your asshole everytime you sleep.
faol btich. you . you you ou you you you you d die billie
die die di deid d die diddd;dslkjfdfjds;js
dfdsfsdjf;sdjfs;dfjs;adfjsd
fsdfsdfkjsd;fsadjf;sadjf;fjsd;fjsd;fsjd;fsdfjsdfsdaf
sdfdfdfdjksd

 

[Sterling]

don't want to be afraid of him
don't want to be afraid.
what would you do goran.
stay away from him . I am so tired. I need sleep. need jo
I don't want to see porn fuck off!
if you don't watch it ....this will happen
you will want to see a guys penis.
fuck you!
you don't talk to me I don't want your voice
you are not here. I have more control over that.
you can watch gay porn karil. you can eat constantly
as. you brother is a pedophile. and you are just like
him. mom your husband needs jail. him all of you.
good bye. please don't talk to me oi don't know you
afe yo. I ned someon to hold me
I need love. I want a woman but I amafraid of her talking to me like they did.
don't want that. don't want that. I would like to throw billie mom in a garbage bin. that would be nice.
why don't mey want that you ate you ate you ate you.
I don't want tyou eat . don't wat . you wat you
wa hate this fucknig parenting.
work work work work .

 

[Sterling]

don't want to be curious.
you shure goran. . yea.
do mn you you are you. smila he isn't wahat you say it
he if df fucing mrder I need . home.
I hate tammy what a bitch. she bullue me . hope .
dd.,dsdsf women .. don't care
or they didn't want me to be a man.
ching.
h eya. so what you have to own this shit NOW!
fuck I hate them. I wish I could kill them all
I would loike to throw them into the om monitor and that they
have no oone to talk to. eya
yea. b/c that is what I am like now. hav no one .
what if my dick never grow.s.
wont. yea.
fthis. is mean. mean mean mena......
hate this

 

[Sterling]

see wish I had dick like that.
iwish I could see my won own penis.
they wouldn't let me
don't want to touch that.
y'know I get envious of men.
wy . . I can t . think . I not
allowed to talk. reverse that.
needed me I wouldn't . karl you wouldn't let me talk.
you want me to feel . I shouldn't feel you. I shoultnt have to be. . like you. lie
don't want that. don't want you.
please ogd god help me.
don't want this. why do I have to want to ssee that

 

[Sterling]

hate being you. you suffer. not me.
you you you. ffffffff;;;;;f;;;;;;f;;;;f;;;;;f;;
flfllflflflflflflfl
ldldllllld

 

[petercorbett]

g,

Let it out, let that hate flow, cry if you can & replace those rusty tears with clean & purifying ones.

Learn how to be kind & gentle on yourself.

Compassion, understanding, love & hope, g.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

 

[Sterling]

have to have a perfect penis haey .
yea . hate that I am here. slsdlsd;lj;
wihs I could kill this. I d
pussy. that is all he is pussy.
jealous . you goran.
I needed that.
needed to be . dlddlddld
don't want to be don't .want to
be them
them sucks.
them hate me they hate everyone.

needed tahh ta that I wont tell . fucked garbage.
shit.
wathc this.
no way.
don't want o to.
wish I was a man.
you are not ga boy.
fuck you!
am . too you cant tell goran that.!
ill step in and kill him.
ADULT.

 

[Sterling]

Thanks Peter. I really love you.

goran.

 

[Sterling]

eniway. how is it going?
not so good.
why.
I hate them. my don't want to call him anymore.
I don't want to ssp speak to him anymore.
I don't you aee you anymore. . I need hearts.
need to see beauty. neeed to love nad I hate this.
hate that I get to me all the time.
I want tahm you tao you . go. never look back goran.
I deserve more than this I don't want to bwe an assyhole to my surroundings. I love gofd Godd. nature.
youi aer you . me to be focus forget the music for a moment. if I want this dispatching job I had better slow my typing and my m. erroes.
so what I slev needed . there you go attain agin
fuck you smila ab back ouit my mind. I can never see you goran. you are not my son. it that iwant you .
you weant want ti. it that. that you want . that .
you awnt you . tayou you want you. you want you. how do you do that how to majke shit up. make shit up and you leafve me to die. not asus where do youlearn such behavioer kids need love and warmth not sex. you sic k ishit. . you have no idea o how much anger and loathing. I feel so ashamed for youa nd your family and that shit village. iam so emg embarrassed for you. I have no one. . so. I have gb better th tol.
hep help myself . . . letting go. I ave. will have to
learn to find income. and . take ti from there.
shit school. that is where you are from your school isn't my interest. don't know who taurght you that shit. but they should shut it down!!
kids need a different home , from your home you have a sickness that you will never let be true. accept nothing hey juice boy. you want food. now this is your g buffet I am not in your restaurant of mental illness.
. out of my life. in your own home. with no one to ehlp youy. family , not rfor for this dude!
Goran

 

[Sterling]

had a shitty time . I needed family.
you had to be at billies place.
make sure goran comes over. I need to sex him and blame it
on him. her I. is my girl. goran is our girl.
he better watch porkys. and lc clikc penis.
ep penis. penis. all my thoughts were of guys dicks
growoing up. I never had a dad. to say this isn't what kids want. but . I ddi . I nedede you right t stupid.
now you have you and yoru your wife sucks and I don't want kfc.
or pizza. I hate triggers. I hate fast food everywhere.
I hate this. . I feel angry. lonely. angry again.
lonely angry. lonely. oever over. over.
what if I touch a guy and then what. . what what is happened
why don I do I have to touch you? I HATE TOUCHIGN.
I AHT HATE BEING TOUCHED.!!
THIS SICKS. YOU Don't knjow anything. you are fucking dubm
crial. I ate you . hate you aw want to see you.
and I have to touch you. fart. garbga I hope you shit yourself day and night. I hate this. I hope I never want to see you. wanht. hwat a waste . of life.
s;djf;lfjl;fjsal;fjal;fjad;fjda
fdafahfsda;fhsad;hfgagfd
fsdafdafadfadfsa;kflhjd;hjadl;fhjsa;lghjkfadaghjfsdaf
afadghkjasd;ghjkas;jal;kjgfa;lfjaf
asd

 

[Sterling]

don't want to touch it.
you suck goran.
fuck you. I sjut. want to be a man.
why do I have to love you?
. y ou will not listen o you baba.
pig. hate you. you can suck your sons kdic.
. .y oat you at you . wuss.
ar e you an tyou . I hope you get lost in your
fam. trust. hope you ava all by yourself.
vote who wants to go to heaven. dletol .
. need thatlp I love music.
don't wnt to live. . have limitations.
want to go.

 

[Sterling]

love you guys , thanks for reading.
haea heavy. know.
work. need . help. need.

 

[Sterling]

don't fuck it up!
need to smash stuff
movie .
. lllllkllll
where are you from.

Winnipeg.
what it l. to . lose.
hey. little lady. how you doin.
I am your uncle. I wish I could see you.
you and your brother and sister and mom.
your dad is a bit of a moron.
I wont tell you that.
I miss you katerina. I wish I could be there.
your granddad is a FUCKING MENTAL SICKY!!

wonder where ic can I go to. I want to see my friends
the orcas, dolphins, whales
and penguins.
want to see.
want to see the trees.
thinki I will have supper in a park.
why wait.
I love you. .
I love the cello.
... together. forever.
malesurvivor.
my home.

 

[Sterling]

cant stick. on you
want. om. wants me. goran
awnts wants me
no I don't billie.
. I want me.

. bam bam.

 

[Sterling]

feel . wish I could look in the mirror.
hate my
name.
shem
shemale.
e. sm . m sme s. ehm male
o goran isn't
is man.
goran. is . bozna is fucked . gay. and
she wants me to die.
cunt!
hate her
sorry for the language.
-u guys ar the best!!!

 

[Sterling]

VERY TRIGGERING.
PLEASE DONT READ IF ARE
VERY SENSITIVE.



please leve leve
me
plese
I don't want to do that enimore
please god help me
don't want to.
dotn .
. and then
he inserts his dick.
.

 

[Sterling]

NEED help .
yea. you
should see god if.
this is okay to do th to
children.
suffer asshole.
. what I am feeling ?
tired.
needing love.
needing to be held.
just am afraid o of women.
and need that badly.
I am scared of men.
. very difficult.
trust is .. heavy.