I Love You?
Okay, I lost this the first time and I wrote it at 1:30 in the morning. It might sound better now. Hopefully more succinct.
I wrote a note to someone who had posted something here that moved me. I wanted to give him support, comfort....whatever it is that we all want to give each other when one of us is hurting.
When one of you is hurting so badly, something inside me always wants to pick you up and hold you until the hurt goes away. It doesn't matter how old you are, my first instinct is to hold you/your child and make it better. And the emotion I feel is love.
So, that was the emotion I was feeling for this person. He has posted enough that I feel like I know him...that he is a friend and I wanted to tell him that I loved him. But my ole "macho boy" thing kicked in. "Guys don't say 'I love you' to other guys. That's icky." But I decided that that was a stupid reason for not saying I loved him when I did, so I made myself go ahead and say it instead of saying "I'm here for you", or "I support you." or one of those things I usually say. They are all good things, but what I was honestly feeling at that moment was "I love you."
Well, after I wrote it, I thought, what if he takes it the wrong way? What if he thinks I'm one of those evil people we're warned about on here? What if he thinks this is the first move of many more to gain his confidence and then try to hurt him? So I wrote this long disclaimer about what I really meant by sayng the I loved him, and how I hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way, and how he didn't have to worry because I wasn't stalking him or anything...in other words, a completely ridiculous thing.
I'm sure at that point he certainly wasn't worried that a predator was after him, but didn't know how to get rid of the nut who just might write him again sometime.
Of course, being who he is, he was kind and wrote back a very nice note assuring me that he indeed had not taken my "I love you" the wrong way.
So, when what I had wanted to do was give support to a friend in pain, instead, I had turned it around so that he would have to try to calm my anxiety instead. Way to go, Bobby.
So, that brings me to this question. How do most of you feel when someone says I love you to you when they answer a post? I know I wouldn't think anything about it except that I would appreciate the fact that someone cared and supported me. But it's one of the legacies that my dear old dad left me that I really don't know how to relate to men or what to say to them...you get the scenario.
The last thing I want to do is make someone who is already having an awful time feel uncomfortable. My expressing my emotion certainly isn't that important. And, I don't have a lot of self-esteem to spare and I don't want another person to think I'm weird or strange (too late?) or a stalker or any of those things.
I have absolutely no concept of how a man relates to another man. I've got the firm handshake down...the looking in the eye, the slapping on the back...hell, I even like sports and can answer when someone says, "How about them Bucks?". But I just don't have that other part down...the real part where two guys know each other and like each other and love each other. So, I just haven't done that. I have avoided close friendships at all costs because I don't know what to do with one really. I've even tried to study other guys to see how they do it. Sometimes I think, well, hell, they just do it. They don't even think about it. But I think somehow I would do it badly and make them uncomfortable in some way. So I tucked friendship down inside with my child and didn't get it out again.
So, is this just my problem? Is saying, "I love you." okay, or is it taboo in this American Wild West Culture? (Apologies to those living in other cultures, although I'd very much like to hear your opinions, too.) Or is it such a loaded word, should I avoid saying it...is it so "loaded" word that it might do damage?
Most of you probably think it's a strange thing to worry about, but not for me. Let me know what you think. Thanks. Bobby
I wrote a note to someone who had posted something here that moved me. I wanted to give him support, comfort....whatever it is that we all want to give each other when one of us is hurting.
When one of you is hurting so badly, something inside me always wants to pick you up and hold you until the hurt goes away. It doesn't matter how old you are, my first instinct is to hold you/your child and make it better. And the emotion I feel is love.
So, that was the emotion I was feeling for this person. He has posted enough that I feel like I know him...that he is a friend and I wanted to tell him that I loved him. But my ole "macho boy" thing kicked in. "Guys don't say 'I love you' to other guys. That's icky." But I decided that that was a stupid reason for not saying I loved him when I did, so I made myself go ahead and say it instead of saying "I'm here for you", or "I support you." or one of those things I usually say. They are all good things, but what I was honestly feeling at that moment was "I love you."
Well, after I wrote it, I thought, what if he takes it the wrong way? What if he thinks I'm one of those evil people we're warned about on here? What if he thinks this is the first move of many more to gain his confidence and then try to hurt him? So I wrote this long disclaimer about what I really meant by sayng the I loved him, and how I hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way, and how he didn't have to worry because I wasn't stalking him or anything...in other words, a completely ridiculous thing.
I'm sure at that point he certainly wasn't worried that a predator was after him, but didn't know how to get rid of the nut who just might write him again sometime.
Of course, being who he is, he was kind and wrote back a very nice note assuring me that he indeed had not taken my "I love you" the wrong way.
So, when what I had wanted to do was give support to a friend in pain, instead, I had turned it around so that he would have to try to calm my anxiety instead. Way to go, Bobby.
So, that brings me to this question. How do most of you feel when someone says I love you to you when they answer a post? I know I wouldn't think anything about it except that I would appreciate the fact that someone cared and supported me. But it's one of the legacies that my dear old dad left me that I really don't know how to relate to men or what to say to them...you get the scenario.
The last thing I want to do is make someone who is already having an awful time feel uncomfortable. My expressing my emotion certainly isn't that important. And, I don't have a lot of self-esteem to spare and I don't want another person to think I'm weird or strange (too late?) or a stalker or any of those things.
I have absolutely no concept of how a man relates to another man. I've got the firm handshake down...the looking in the eye, the slapping on the back...hell, I even like sports and can answer when someone says, "How about them Bucks?". But I just don't have that other part down...the real part where two guys know each other and like each other and love each other. So, I just haven't done that. I have avoided close friendships at all costs because I don't know what to do with one really. I've even tried to study other guys to see how they do it. Sometimes I think, well, hell, they just do it. They don't even think about it. But I think somehow I would do it badly and make them uncomfortable in some way. So I tucked friendship down inside with my child and didn't get it out again.
So, is this just my problem? Is saying, "I love you." okay, or is it taboo in this American Wild West Culture? (Apologies to those living in other cultures, although I'd very much like to hear your opinions, too.) Or is it such a loaded word, should I avoid saying it...is it so "loaded" word that it might do damage?
Most of you probably think it's a strange thing to worry about, but not for me. Let me know what you think. Thanks. Bobby
