I liked the thumbs up "Liked" button, and now I see it's gone.

I see that the new "liked" button has disappeared from our new platform. I just wanted to let the powers that be know that I liked having it. It lets you easily show support and give affirmation to someone's post without having to stop and write out a reply.
There's a lot of confusion about the Like button from what I understand. I think the powers that be were worried that members could become upset if, for example, someone "Liked" a person's story of abuse.

I think it was explained that "Liking" something is a blunt instrument, as compared to the nuanced method of just making a post. I can't say I disagree.


As often as I wished it were there in the past on reflection I see the wisdom of removing it.

It would have been handy to let a guy know I read it and agree or supported the post, but I could be clearer in a reply.
On other boards, I've fallen into the trap of thinking that if a post of mine didn't have any likes, it meant no one had read it, and I was alone - or, worse, people HAD read it but had HATED it for some reason.

It's distorted thinking, but easy for guys like us to assume, I think.
If there was a like button I would use it in George’s post. Not everyone has the time to type a reply. Not everyone is comfortable posting. I thought the upgrade was to bring us into at least the 20th century not strip away features to look different and function only with the limitations of the old board.
It really is not a question of upgrading to the latest technology. One of the very first posts we received was a comment by a registrant about how inappropriate the like buttons were. Frankly, that was when I first noticed that we even had them. And while like buttons work to allow people to express approval of cute puppy pics and funny videos, they don't work so well in a forum like this which demands more thoughtful interaction. And so we asked that they be removed.

This is not Facebook. The things that are shared here are of the heart, and the posts that grace this site are often such painful things that people have never shared before in any venue or with any other person. We feel strongly that they deserve more than a casual quick-click thumbs-up. Frankly, I personally think such a capability would erode the very kind of genuine interactivity that sets us apart.

At WoR, we were taught about mindfulness - about being truly and completely present for ourselves and for others. A like button is an easy shortcut around mindfulness. It is a way of looking like we are present while not really being there. If you don't have time for a reply, clicking a like button does not make up for it. It is all too often a superficial space filler, and does not require the person responding to understand or even read the message he is liking. It can feel affirmative and maybe some truly are given in that spirit. But it can just as easily be a lie as well, ultimately cheapening the meaning it pretends to express.

I question the truth of a mouse click that saves one the more genuine effort of phrasing the very human words of support that truly have set us apart from other resources. In the final analysis, likes are not affirmations as much as what they always seem to become - popularity votes that save the user the deeper work that this place really requires. If we had like buttons, I suspect the compendium of expressed thought here - volumes of threaded discussions going back over a decade in what has become a virtual library of experience, thought, emotion and support unlike anything in the world - would be a mere shadow of the richness that it is.
I can see the logic behind how "likes" might not be appropriate in the story section like Strangeways pointed out.

"I question the truth of a mouse click that saves one the more genuine effort of phrasing the very human words of support that truly have set us apart from other resources. " -Eric

Everyone here is not at the same point in healing or level in writing, some don't have their voice yet, some don't even have the words to write down in a reply. To say Just simply reply to the person your affirmation instead of a click on a like button is assuming everyone can do that. For what might take some here only three minutes to ponder and skillfully reply will take others anguish and an hour+ just to put down a paragraph, when a click on a like button would've gotten their affirmation across and let them move on to the next thing furthering their healing.

I'm one of them who has to spend a lot of time putting words together, especially about serious stuff like the abuse issues, so I'm speaking as one of them. That's why I liked the "like" button.

I'm also thinking that making things easier like that might bring more lurkers out of the shadows to register sooner or at all. Easy like a simple click on a like to affirm someone's point, a "like" doesn't have to open them up to scrutiny or anguish about whether they worded something perfectly or if it might be taken the wrong way, or that they are being redundant.

Then there are the foreign guys for who writing in English is a lot harder to get the right words together, they would appreciate a like button.

There are plenty of guys for who the abuse ruined their schooling early enough that they don't have that good a grasp on writing and they would appreciate a like button too.

These are my in-depth thoughts about it, not that I'm looking to beat a dead horse :)


I dislike the idea of "likes" here. When I looked through the new site and started seeing "likes" and "reaction scores," my heart sank. In my opinion, features like those start smelling a bit like a popularity contest.

George, I can appreciate your feeling that clicking might be a way to encourage involvement from members who are not yet comfortable expressing themselves in writing, but I respectfully disagree. I tend to think that clicking would only lead to more clicking, that clicking would stifle expression instead of nurturing it.

Ultimately, I am opposed to the "like" feature because when I start a thread in the forum I am looking for feedback, and often the most valuable feedback comes from people who do not agree with the way I am thinking about something.
Just so you all know, this is an issue that is elevated to an executive/team decision and so it is "in process." That said, I can share that the limited sentiment I have heard so far is pretty much a resounding NO to the like button. Personally, I understand that there is an accessibility argument to be made, and the existence of a free-access, moderated site that allows frank conversation of difficult topics stands as testament to our commitment to open and accessible conversation. There is no other place quite like this, at least from my perspective. But (in my personal opinion) I question the sincerity - the mindfulness - of clicking likes because there's not time to phrase something truly more meaningful than a mouse click. It has never been what we are about. It comes down to trust - perhaps one of the most essential, underlying elements to what is shared here. 27 likes on a post does not really mean that 27 people support the poster. And it can mean that some of them actually don't support him - at least not enough to say so. The like button gives them an easy way to quickly turn a thumb and turn away. It becomes a trust issue. I would rather see people say something - or say nothing. That's where the truth is generally found in these conversations.

Trust. Mindfulness. Those are what have marked a compendium of conversation. Go through the archives here and I pretty much guarantee you won't miss the likes. But instead of likes, we do have view counts, and those are probably even more honest than "likes" because they expose where reader interest truly is (preserving view counts was something I pressed hard for in the migration as markers of where the readership has been - the worn binders of our library.) We see neither trust nor mindfulness in "canned" responses - which is what a like button is. If registrants cannot take the time or the effort to phrase what they feel and think, then perhaps this is not the venue for them. MaleSurvivor does have a Facebook page where likes can be clicked. But, in my opinion, it is not the site's responsibility to lower the tenor of conversation for more superficial accommodation.

I imagine that the efforts required to participate here mirror the efforts required of any survivor to thrive beyond his abuse. It takes work. There are no shortcuts. Part of healing is finding the words to phrase what is in your heart and your soul. We require that as a basic precept of conversation. I would have not healed one bit if I had a dislike button for what my abuser put me through. And I certainly don't expect a like button to add meaning to my journey out of it.
After reading some of the posts here and receiving the input from various users, it is my take that this feature is best left unavailable in this environment. I agree with Chase Eric in his point, that we are not dealing with the style of social media, but something quite deep. As survivors, we come from a painful past through a complex walk. Perhaps we have trust issues, or trouble communicating, or a self-image that is has taken a tremendous number of hits. I would hate for anyone to feel rejection born upon themselves for not receiving an anticipated amount of "likes" when sharing those deepest, most fragile inner parts of themselves, where care is so needed.


Everyone here has made great points and I respect all of them. However, I agree with Eirik, Alex, and Andy, that a "Like" button could discourage more full and nuanced expression, as well as create disappointment for those of us who might experience few "Likes" on our posts. I already find it puzzling and curious at times when certain posts get hundreds, or even thousands, more views than others. The extra dimension of a "Like" button would only confuse me more in that regard.
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I'm quite active on a photography website and am quite pleased with my 19,000 likes, but there we're talking about photos and camera lenses where a like can be easily interpreted. I'm new to this site and noted early on the absence of a like button though more than once I appreciated a comment that I would have "liked" had the option been available. But what has happened is pretty consistent with what Eric has said. I've been called upon to write something when I've been moved by others' comments, sometimes a few words, sometime something longer. The conversation on these threads is quite wonderful and I've learned to live without a like button. It makes sense to me to keep it that way. For those who feel a bit timid, I hope the generosity found on everything I've seen will encourage them to eventually take the risk to express themselves. That in itself might be a positive for their healing and thereby good for all of us. My two cents...
I agree with not having a like, even while I'm cultured on other platforms I get it here.

Just kicking an idea around, perhaps recoding actions to a set of singular words, purely as an example:
1.) Relate
2.) Support
3.) Hugs
Supportive words vs. icons..
Seems within the "Like" action code, these could be reformatted to be words, or icons used to define those words.

There are a lot of times I want to make a gesture to a topic, but can't always muster up the words, or at a loss of words because of the emotion. In the end though, I get the "Like" singular can be problematic.
I wish I could "like" what Visitor and Gistin just shared. But what is even better is that I am compelled to express my supporting thoughts in the words that their comments deserve. So much can hide behind a "like" click. One can even mindlessly click it without really meaning it. Or click "like" instead of sharing a few more meaningful sentences that allow a line of thought to be understood. I have always thought that if this forum were reduced to clicking thumbs up, it would not be half as rich with more fully-expressed shared experience and genuine heart-felt support. Visitor really touched upon something by saying I hope the generosity found on everything I've seen will encourage them to eventually take the risk to express themselves. To me that says that is someone is generous enough to share deeply on this site in the spirit of healing, others who are touched owe something of a spirit-share in return.

I started the last paragraph saying I wish I could "like" what has been said here. But I really don't. Because if I clicked a "like," all these thoughts would never be said - never be shared - never be known. "Like" buttons appeal to our laziness. It is good that we don't have such an easy way around what I feel is an obligation of emotional support to others here on MaleSurvivor.org.
Lol Chase Eric you done called me lazy! I don’t “like”that you know! You can call me most anything but when you call me late to dinner or lazy dems fightin actions “like” or no like.

And yes I see the consensus - I just wsnt my dissent noted for the record. Regularly and maybe too often.
LoL Mani - please - this is not directed at you. Or anyone else. I am really speaking about me. On Facebook, I frequently fall on the like button. I'm the one that's lazy. That's why I appreciate what MaleSurvivor makes me do. :)

Jacob S

On other boards, I've fallen into the trap of thinking that if a post of mine didn't have any likes, it meant no one had read it, and I was alone - or, worse, people HAD read it but had HATED it for some reason.

It's distorted thinking, but easy for guys like us to assume, I think.

This is how I feel when I pout my heart and soul into a post and no one responds. A little comment goes a long way. A thumbs up is not as good but better than nothing. When I see lots of views, no responses, it makes me wonder if I did something wrong.