I let them use me..
I don't know how common this is, but after my adolescent abuse & early adult assaults, I continued in a repeated, compulsive pattern of going to a gay bar, getting so trashed I could barely walk and just go home with anybody who wanted me and let them do whatever they wanted; usually me lying there passively on the receiving end barely conscious. The self loathing I felt, I felt this was what I deserved, all I was good for.
I felt I just got used & raped over & over again. I look back with sadness at my fucked up young self, I'm trying to love & hug myself now..It's improving slowly..baby steps.
I felt I just got used & raped over & over again. I look back with sadness at my fucked up young self, I'm trying to love & hug myself now..It's improving slowly..baby steps.