I just called an MST number...here's what happened

[GeorgeMartin]

I called an MST personnel (a woman) who was nice and seemed to listen. They she gives me another phone number to contact (safehelpline)...

Then I get another 1 (800) number ... and then another, and another and another. Finally, I get to yet another hotline.

The guy tells me that "those sort of records" are not usually kept in a non-active military personal file records ... and he doesn't know how to help with the particular question I have.

Now today, I wanted to find out if I could get an inter-mediator to study this perps military records, and see if on some records he left a contact info, like when he went on LEAVE off base or the like. Because as we all know, perps have to have location, and access, as well as privacy to molest someone. Or like minded perps...

I got nowhere today. MST indicated that there are services available for ACTIVE military personnel, but what about PRIOR enlisted men who were childhood victims of prior military personnel back in the late 1970's?

Because this particular perp is now "retired" and I also am no longer in the military (I didn't serve but a year and 8 months) not enough to qualify for VA, and they claimed it was a Prior Military Condition...

It is ever so frustrating for me, trying to validate the P.o.S. when in the Military (AF), when I was child, took leave from his Duty Station, stayed at our house, and or rode a 10 speed bike going over to our house sometimes, molested me numerous times, and there isn't a damned thing I can do, to prove it.

It's all in my head, and I am looked at as if I am making this all up.

I just wanted to see if someone could get into his records, study them, look for submitted location, and contact data, and tell me if he was in the geographical location between when he enlisted and when I left that family who'd abused me. I got nowhere today.

Any ideas or suggestions?

 

[learning2remember]

I'm not military or former military, but there is something in your post I can relate to...wanting to know more.

It sounds like you're trying to access information so you can confirm things. I've tried that in my own circumstances in so many ways.

You are not making this up.

Having said that, I have found it easier to trust my memories and hunches rather than looking for confirmation..which was sometimes hard to get and often disappointing when I did catch on to something.

I believe you.

 

[GeorgeMartin]

At times, I think I am making it all up. That the horrors of my childhood are false. That I am fake.

Its just that its been thirty-five years since we were in that environment of abuse and torment.

In the one dynamic I can discern quite a number of experiences (but they are quite difficult to describe verbally or written) because they are so ... 'dark' 'evil' 'graphic' and I only get a glimpse of those experiences, enough so that I know what was going on. Even I can't stomach what I mentally 'see' of 'my' childhood. But it really isn't just my childhood. I shared it with at least five others internally. Dissociative in the process of it all.

While I try to trust what is mentally upstairs in my mind, its quite difficult to accept. It leaves me questioning, doubting, and uncertain.

 

[tbkkfile]

GM I really do understand how you feel - for me I try to remember that it wasn't the 56 year old me with all of my life's experience but it was the 11 year old innocent skinny kid who went through it, I was a child, with absolutely no idea what was going on, How was I supposed to remember what happened in an adult way, the little me shut down and many years later through dissociation, alcohol, substance abuse, I'm just unpacking it now.

As an adult it makes me sick when I see what the little me went through and yes it's hard to accept, I minimise sometimes as a self preservation reaction, and I get glimpses of things that the little me had mentally run away and hidden from.

Wishing you peace and healing

David