I identify as Bisexual- did this experience shape my sexuality???

I identify as Bisexual- did this experience shape my sexuality???
I don't think it changes your orientation but it can make you attracted to same sex people, sex, porn etc.

If your straight it does not make gay, in other words it's disorientated you not orientated you.

So you could identify as straight but you are attracted to gay porn, or you may want to act out with a man, have sex with a man but not get romantically involved with one and I think that is the difference, as if you are a gay man you would probably want the romantic side as well as sexual.

I myself am a straight man, I am married to a woman and I find women sexually attractive, but I also look at penises as a result of csa but I do not find men attractive nor do I want a relationship with a man.

I hope I am making some sense, and this is just my opinion.
 
What you are saying makes sense. In my case, however, I had an independent attraction to men but because of my young age at the time of my sexual relationship with the 35 year old man, I just hadn't fully developed it. I did go on to have sex with a boy my age later in my 13th year. I think the early sex with the 35 year old just got me started earlier than would have occured naturally.
 
jmonkey717 said:
Hey everyone. I know that in my heart sexuality is what it is. I believe we are born with it. But I can't help but think about my sexual abuse from a male when I was 10...and whether that has influenced my sexuality. I dont know folks.
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I’m in the same boat
 
jmonkey717 said:
Hey everyone. I know that in my heart sexuality is what it is. I believe we are born with it. But I can't help but think about my sexual abuse from a male when I was 10...and whether that has influenced my sexuality. I dont know folks.
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Same age, same questions, same pain. You're not alone... same age.
 
Imstillstanding said:
*Trigger warning. Sharing my opinion. This is not meant to dismiss anyone’s personal experience and just speak on my own and how this topic relates to me.

I generally don’t comment on this topic. I’m a gay man. I struggled with my sexually for years. I never blamed me being gay on my abuse, I did however blame the abuse on my being gay. So I hated that part of me and tried my best not to be. So this topic can be quiet triggering.

There are tons of research on the topic stating it doesn’t and some saying it does. Here’s my question… would you ever ask a straight woman who had been abused like us if she is attracted to a type of man because he matches the guy who molested her? Or a straight man if his wife is similar to the woman who sexually assaulted him?! No! Because being straight is normal. We don’t need a reason for people to have those feelings. But being outside the normal there must be some problem… something that messed us up.

Did abuse affect my sexuality? 100%! Did it change my sexual attraction?! Absolutely not! I have always been gay. It may influence actions and acting out… but not actual attractions in my opinion.
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I have to agree here. Imstillstanding is a gay man. I am a straight man. All of my sexual abuse were from female family members. It hasn't changed my sexuality, it didn't turn me off to sex with women, but it did change what things I enjoy with women. Some things that may turn on other guys, just doesn't excite me like you would think.

I believe you are who you are. The abuse doesn't change the core of who you are, just certain things that surround the core.

Just my 2 cents. I am not a therapist, I work in the technology field.
 
This is me said:
I don't think it changes your orientation but it can make you attracted to same sex people, sex, porn etc.

If your straight it does not make gay, in other words it's disorientated you not orientated you.

So you could identify as straight but you are attracted to gay porn, or you may want to act out with a man, have sex with a man but not get romantically involved with one and I think that is the difference, as if you are a gay man you would probably want the romantic side as well as sexual.
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This is exactly my experience. Straight but have wanted (and have had) a number of men in my adult life. I still obsess, fixate about the mild abuse (my opinion) I went through in my early teens. I think about the abuser and for years now I have wished I would have been more co-operative with him and let him have his way completely with me, like a do-over or sorts. How messed up is that? I am on a gay hookup site and still think about creating a similar dymamic with assertive tops. I don't know how to stop thinking about and getting aroused by cock. Screwy...
 
jmonkey717 said:
Hey everyone. I know that in my heart sexuality is what it is. I believe we are born with it. But I can't help but think about my sexual abuse from a male when I was 10...and whether that has influenced my sexuality. I dont know folks.
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Im in the same boat especially today been a struggle
 
I understand where you're at, I am similar with guys - it's just sex no kissing etc but I have had thoughts.
I'm not sure if my early experiences are the reason I have sought out men as an adult, It is defimitely possible
 
Hugely relevant question. Since the OP posted a few months ago I'd be curious if there are any updates.

Spent the last 20+ years in the same boat so while I don't have the answer, I can at least say I get it.

It's impossible to know what "would have" been without specific events... I was groomed and introduced to sex at 14 by two different guys I met in a chat room. Bad home life, no adult supervision, naive... perfect catch. The problem is at the time, these experiences were not traumatic and in fact were an escape from a bad situation I was in. I felt looked after, safe, wanted and special - I can't undersell what that feeling would have done to me at that time. I continued these activities (sex with older men) for the rest of my life but it's kept me unable to do anything fulfilling because these are not romantic, loving, fulfilling experiences - they're just sex. I'm not attracted to men, but attracted to this type of man, I think because it's really the only way I get validation or no stress because I'm confident in the acts of pleasing them. I never knew how to confide in someone I was dating about any of this so I just stopped dating.

Being caught between these two ideals (wanting a true emotional romantic connection with a woman, and a family, and all that; but also being heavily (heavily) drawn to these types of guys just left me in a state of denial. I had a sort of breakdown a few months ago (for 100 differnt reasons) and since then I'm trying to forge a path forward, so I'm trying to say "whether I like men because of those experiences or because I'm natural like this cannot ever truly be answered, so I need to accept it and move on either way". It's been the hardest part of this process because I don't know if that's the right thing to do. It feels like acceptance should be a good thing but i can't get past the idea that I was manipulated and played like an idiot by people I trusted. So all of it just leaves you pinned.
 
metsfan257 said:
Being caught between these two ideals (wanting a true emotional romantic connection with a woman, and a family, and all that; but also being heavily (heavily) drawn to these types of guys just left me in a state of denial. I had a sort of breakdown a few months ago (for 100 differnt reasons) and since then I'm trying to forge a path forward, so I'm trying to say "whether I like men because of those experiences or because I'm natural like this cannot ever truly be answered, so I need to accept it and move on either way". It's been the hardest part of this process because I don't know if that's the right thing to do. It feels like acceptance should be a good thing but i can't get past the idea that I was manipulated and played like an idiot by people I trusted. So all of it just leaves you pinned.
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The amount of times this plays in my mind and body is infinite I observe I fall on my face I get up and I continue but maybe this is a part of me I’ll never have a functional answer for. I do know that I always wanted to be a responsible father someone who could use guidance and humor when times get rough. I also know that my body enjoys women’s body and we compliment each other. I also know that my body has experienced male affection and there has always been a struggle between arousal and attraction. Masturbation and porn always involve some combination of the women with men or men with women or men with men. The thing I try to remember is that there is another way to handle the stress and confusion.
One painful thing I’ve been dealing with while traveling is how cut open it was for the younger version of myself to experience. A super charged body with a brutality that I refuse to repeat in this lifetime. A deep sadness of sorts about being my own person without the reminder of my others sexual needs and desires.
Be brave with this when I act out I think a part of me is screaming for resolution with a god that was curious to about how I could handle it.
Which I fail at all the time.
Who is she, who is he?
Who am I?

“Who am I to need you now
To ask you why
To tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
And you may go but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own
Who am I to you?
Along the way I lost my faith
And as you are you'll be again
To mold like clay, to break like dirt“
Crestfallen
 
jmonkey717 said:
Hey everyone. I know that in my heart sexuality is what it is. I believe we are born with it. But I can't help but think about my sexual abuse from a male when I was 10...and whether that has influenced my sexuality. I dont know folks.
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I'm thinking the way you believe that your sexuality formed is likely true for you... if you are happy with your sexuality there is no reason to second guess it, in my opinion.
 
Quixote770 said:
Well said. This is my experience as well. I had sexual relations with a 35 year old man for two years when I was 12 and 13. We looked at gay porn and then had sex. I have been married to a woman for over 40 years and have four grown children, but I am and have always been attracted to men. My early experience with gay sex and porn has definitely influenced my use of porn to take my mind off of problems and the type of porn I use. However, my attractions were something I believe that I was born with.
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Wow me to. My uncle started grooming me at 8 yrs old. He used to make me walk on his back and ass with my barefeet he would be laying face down naked. Then when I was 13 my mom sent me to live with my aunt and uncle because of financial reasons and that's when he started showing me his penis. I didn't know what he was doing at first but when I went to take a shower I was masturbating because at 13 when you get erections it felt good to do. He picked lock on bathroom door and caught me in the act. I stopped right away but he pulled his out and said keep going until I cum. That night I was laying in bed and he climbed into my bed he got on top of me and started dry humping me. I was nervous but what he was doing I got hard. He then told me that we should touch our dicks together because when they are hard it means we love each other. I did what he asked and I came all over his. We started a relationship that went on for 3 years I knew it was wrong but he and my aunt never slept together and he convinced me that what we were doing was normal and he loved me. I thought we were in love when I made him cum but in the end he used me for 3 years and caused tremendous ptsd.
 
I am married too. And also married to a woman and we have 1 child. However because of what I did with my uncle he was my first sexual experience I do masturbate to male sex
 
Macke said:
I am married too. And also married to a woman and we have 1 child. However because of what I did with my uncle he was my first sexual experience I do masturbate to male sex
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How is your relationship to your wife and child?
 
Macke said:
I am married too. And also married to a woman and we have 1 child. However because of what I did with my uncle he was my first sexual experience I do masturbate to male sex
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An issue for many here. This topic comes up often. You hit the nail right on the head- it goes back to what took place with your uncle.
 
I feel like your first sexual experience is really a defining one. I am married to a beautiful woman but I also was groomed molested by my uncle as a teenager and that has made me still to this day have fantasies of having sex with a man. I truly feel because of this I am hypersexual and bi sexual to wanting sex with either a man or a woman.
Curiouspaints said:
How is your relationship to your wife and child?
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It's good my masturbating to my to molesting is my privat fantasy she doesn't need to know
Curiouspaints said:
How is your relationship to your wife and child?
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