I haven't had sex for 2 1/2 years
Hello iam a survivor I just came hear to vent iam very good looking colored eyes male. But haven't tried to get laid I really want to get the V but I just don't I'm missing the motivation to get it almost as iam confused do to my sexual abuse as a child. I am always remembering my abuse my experiences my other male on male run in as well when I was a child I was in a 5yr. Relationship. 3yrs back I was severely hurt so I decided to sleep with her sister then I slept with an ex girlfriend then a random girl at a party and all of a sudden havent had since that last girl Witch was 2 1/2 ago I don't know if that is normal? Since that last sexual encounter with the last girl I started thinking of my abuses and run ins of my past so I'm guessing iam insecure and confuse but iam not gay or bi iam sure of that but this just this ugly memories of having sexual encounters with man when I was growing up I had a cousin an experience with a gay cousin I used to blow him tell he finished In my mouth and another cousin that happened to I blew him til he finished in my mouth. Smh now I really regret this action but I was 16yrs old and severely sexually abused verbal and physically abused I was a mess but now iam paying for this experiences iam not gay I get angry at my self and my cousins I know I heard of experiments about growing up as teen or younger most straight men had a same gender experience but went all out with being the pleaser and not getting pleased back Smh. This I went thru iam hoping that it was becouse of this a hole who abused my mind at aged 7 I say mind becouse his nasty thoughts of doing to a child I had to learn this things first long before I would have intercourse with women and I hate this feeling of telling my self that I am not homosexual but yet I went thru all this... I hope I hear that this similar pattern happened to other abuse men.. I hate this feeling .. thanks for reading
