I have questions

[Tryingtolive]

How do we live with the effects of csa while also living in silence of what happened?

Is it possible to heal that way?

The Effects bother me the most but not wanting to share or it being acceptable to share holds me back I believe.

 

[PhoenixRising]

I can only speak for myself in this. Not speaking was harmful to me. I kept it in and it was toxic. Telling too many people was also not helpful in many ways, because many people just can't understand. It's not that the csa or you are unacceptable, its just that many people wont know what to do with it, or are afraid to hear about it because they may have repressed their own.
For me, it is finding ways to communicate. I write and that helps. I have some friends who I can talk with. I am an artist so in that I can reshape what happened.
Find safe places, people and ways to express it so that the story is affirmed, honored and then can be transformed. it's important, I believe to voice it, but not identify with it as who you are..just that it was a part of your journey.

 

[WG]

I agree with Phoenix - we need to speak about what happened - but in a context where we feel safe and heard. Not just head-nodding and 'gee, that's too bad' but someone who will hear the heart. Those folks are rare. I have 2 men in my life I can talk with. I do talk with my wife of course, but it has a different 'slant' so to speak. When I'm talking with either of the 2 mane friends I have, it seems to go further with them. Not that my wife doesn't understand, she does to a point. The guys I speak to seem to get another part of it, probably since it was a guy who did all of the sexual abuse to me , so it might be a 'guy thing' I'm not certain. At any rate, I would say that finding some safe people will be huge for you. Getting them on board (when you feel safe doing so) will help you to walk through some of the trauma, the drama, the abuse, the hurt and all that goes with it.
Along with Phoenix- I will also say that it does not define who you are. Never believe that for a moment. I used to. It's a lie from hell. It's a page in the book but the story is far from over. There are more words to be written.

 

[sorryson]

I agree with others. Our silence hurts us. I thought being quiet about it was the only way. Years ago I had a nervous breakdown and I began to tell but stopped. I never really got better. I have told what happened and everything else that happened with my family. Secrets my doctor said will get us sooner or later. It will always hold us back. I learned the hard way.

Most people will accept it. I have my Mama's family who still does not believe or belittles it. They are just small minded people. They caused so many problems and they live in denial. I guess they are never happened. The find everything wrong with everyone else but themselves. I have learned to only be with those who believe and make me feel good.

I know it is hard to let it out. In time it got easier for me. I hope you can start to tell.

Paul