i have no idea how i am going to say all this

[markgreyblue]

i met a guy - at the gym -

i was riding the bike next to him -

i was huffin and puffin - and he said -

if you kill yourself on the bicycle that would be counter productive

it rang true -

but only today it made sense -

i am working at healing - daily

and sharing ideas - and talking to folks and

they are talking to me

about their life(s) - and how they deal -

it isn't completely intentional or set each chat -

inevitably we share a tiny wisdom - or

go into discussion -

today - i realized my standard -

and what i believe -

and then too -

how sometimes we can try and uphold a standard

that is counterproducing to our life(s) -

so i am trying to give way -

to a more general approach - to keep at

what i want and such -

but not be wacko about the silly 'just so'...-

(the unproductive standard -the counter productive)

I realize inevitably - the abuse leads me to get

confused between the moments that define -

what i want and who i am -

to be this perfect image or achieve something

i am trying to integrate being more real towards me -

and so hopefully happier and more productive

towards my life - real - and what i want -

so again that too was the confusion -

we'll see .. I feel good at this moment- tired -

but not unhappy - just a nice afternoon tired after a day out -

and not so consumed with

oh my my house it's not perfect!!!!

but it is saying in a big way to me -

what i want

who i am and what i want -

it's blaring it at me -

it's very pretty -

but i wonder.... mmmmmm

m