I HATE FEELING POWERLESS....THE CONTROL THING

I HATE FEELING POWERLESS....THE CONTROL THING
S

Steven Heath

Registrant
I know why I feel powerless sometimes. I know it is a control issue stemming from my abuse....that I have worked on for many years in therapy. I know that I can not make things happen the way or on the time-table I want them to. I know that I cannot control what others think. Nor should I. I know all of this.....logically and accept it as part of life. But it does not change the fact that I hate that I cannot have the world act exactly the way I want it to...when I want it to. It sounds horrible to admit that I want everything to be just as I wish it. But it's true. It is part of me. And it is yet one more thing in life I cannot control. Sometimes I feel like a dog chasing it's tail on this one.
 
Steven,

I wonder if this has something to do with a reluctance to accept certain painful realities about abuse: that we will never get an answer to the big "why me" questions, that we will never forget what happened, that we cannot somehow make it all not be true.

Doesn't a feeling of powerlessness depend on what it is we want power over?

Much love,
Larry
 
Control begins with self, I am controlling because I dont trust myself or life to take care of things for me, I dont feel they care enough. So I have to take of things for myself, as I have been doing all my life trying to get the control back, but in the process the one who is getting most controlled is my own self. I feel frustrated when life feels orderly and ordinary, newness also means randomness. I feel when I allow new in my life with the trust that I am taken cared for, I am willing to relax more and take it easy.

I hate being controlled because I also believe that my controlling nature is part a residual of my childhood parenting, so I have to yet unlearn it. The truth is thru all this control, the one who I am really controlling is my own self, and hence I hate any attempt at being controlled.

At one end, I am suppressing myself and at the other I am experiencing its results, an explosion of controlling feats, the controlled part of me wants to take back control.

It is an escape mechanism that gets activated each time I suppress myself excessively, when I am feeling controlled subconsciously I can get controlling. So the cure really lies with me, I have to stop trying to control my life, and allow some amount of freedom in my life.

Now instead of looking for 'signs' of things getting screwed because I let go I look for signs that I can let go, and watch the master player work his magic in my life.
 
well sometimes things workout when we least expect them, like comming here and finding a friend, even though we cant control everything, we can start to look for things that make life easier.--------------Like a huge HUGS STEVEN,

I hope life treats you well this week and if it doesnt----------dont forget your friends! One of us might just say the thing you need to hear.

Like I love you buddy

michael joe
 
Yeah, the dog chaing its tail.
At least you are aware that is stems from abuse, when you seemed to have to control things to just feel a little safer.

My emotions are all over the place on this issue, the thing is, ppl always ask me to supervise others when working, but that would make me less of a friend, so I decline the offer.

Just feeling accepted by others is a big enough goal for me,and it is so hard to achieve.
Power over ppl is like abuse, or how I perceive it, and we see it everyday.

None of these negative traits were our fault, so it is OK to slip sometimes, as long as you keep getting up,

ste
 
Steven, I think I just got the controlling thing my T has been telling me about. Your post helped me, thanks.

I never understood why he thought I had a control issue but now I see where my pain is coming from, I am fearful of losing everything and I am trying to control it without the power to control anything. My job is very crazy at times and I am trying so hard to control it without success, however everything seems to work regardless of my efforts and I should realize that. Things are going to happen no matter what, trying to head them off at the pass is okay but failure is also okay. I cant control this world and if things mess up, I am the director, then I will just have to deal with it then and let it go for now. The funny thing is; after two years at this company nothing has ever blown up, why would I still be trying to make it perfect?

Thanks everyone, this is helping take a load off my butt. The crazy thing is I realized this years ago, I wrote about it, how the hell do we forget these things. It is like they creep up on us when we are least expecting them.
 
I think the need for excessive control is the fall out of experiencing an extremely controlled environment as a child, and it is a flash back of that bruised part of our self which is now trying to get the power balance, back in its favour.

I believe it is essential to realize that the external controls that were there then are now gone, and now it is only our old habit of living in a control environment that it creating more controls in life, by replacing old controls with our own.

But we CAN break this cycle, by completely giving up the controls, once again, and surrendering it to a higher power.

Otherwise we might become what we have fighting all our life, a controlling person.
 
...and to heal that bruised part which acts out so often as the controlling part and fights chaotic nature of life, it is essential to soothe it, each time it acts out, by controlling your environment excessively and hating all external controls in order to fight the randomness of life.

Now allow its expression not thru action, but thru emotions. Understand the pain which it is trying to express thru actions of control. Allow it to express it anger and set it free of the control of emotions. That is what it has been trying to control or fight, and since it cannot fight emotions, it is fighting with everything on the outside, it thinks is creating those emotions. Not realising, emotions are always created within, the external world is merely a trigger. Detaching from the triggers is what healing is about, by attaching our self, which is the real environment we are born into and which we disconnect with once we start giving th eexterna world too much importance. Disconnection from the self is the key way we get too attached to the emotions and emotional responses.

Once you dont get carried away or supress your emotions, they will guide thru your instinct. What it needs is love, so when feel that part flaring up, ask yourself, am I feeling loved? If not then you know what to do. Give it all the love you can and it will heal itself.
 
One of the key things I have discovered is that when I get irritated is usually with what I carry within.
So when I am getting irritated by controlliing people or situations I realize I need to become aware of mine own controlling nature, fighting the external will be futile as I would only perpetuate what I am fighting.

When I let go of my old nature, I also create a new reality for myself, a reality where there are no controls only a flow, that guides and carries us all. Then I am in harmony with my Self.
 
Steven, power is what was taken from us, thus we became powerless. Fight my friend, eventually you will get back your power and in turn become powerful.

Will be in touch soon.
 
You know the thing I find the most interesting about this control thing is; when I feel myself trying to let go, it feels like I don't care. I find it hard to feel like I have the right to not care when all I am trying to do is care without getting caught up in something I can't change or control. Man that sounded crazy but someone will know what I am saying.

Balance is again the big quest.
 
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