I GAVE IN (TRIGGER TRIGGER)

I GAVE IN (TRIGGER TRIGGER)
O

one_day_at_a_time

Registrant
Dear Brothers,
I come to you because I fell last night and today. Last night I beat off to gay porn and today i did the same. I dont know why?

For some reason, it feels less shameful now. I dont know why. For a long time being gay or experiencing gay sex was not a thing for me. But now it is in my head. I know that if I were to go find a guy and do whatever I would feel like shit afterward. I just want to really bad. I dont want to and I need advice and encouragement from those who understand how I feel.

Today I went online and looked up the personal in my area. I am afraid because there were alot of gay personals that were up for "just fun." I dont want to do anything that I will regret, but I feel like I might.

Im so tired of being confused. Please Help

I pray to God for strength

Bless you all
 
Hi One-day-at-a-time,

Sorry that you are really struggling just now. You understand, I am sure, that some of what you write about is totally normal. You are a young man and it is normal for you to want to masturbate, and to have experiences of sex that are not forced on you nor you on someone else.

The urgency to go now and do something is a pain, but natural. You are going to have fantasies according to your orientation. So up to that point, no need to panic.

You do want to keep safe. Keeping safe means keeping away from people that could turn out to be far from what they claim to be. I hope that you do not get to a point where you are contacting men who could possibly harm you.

Do what you are doing. Talk about the urges. Ask for suggestions. But, also come up with a plan for your persoanl safety and stick to it as best that you can.

Bob
 
I have been in the same situation that you are describing...still there as far as the porn is concerned.

I'm married with kids and choose to only have sex with my wife, but about a year and a half ago, I did find some guys to have sex with, etc. I found that it didn't help me feel any better but only worse. Whether someone is straight or gay, I do not care, but there has to be a real love with your sex partner for it to be fulfilling and fill that need for companionship that we all have.

I have stopped with the sex with guys when I felt in danger with one person that I was with. I kind of woke up and said "what the hell am I doing." I felt like he might beat me like my dad did for so many years.

The porn is harder because it is at times the only thing that I can use to break the depression. However, the porn is never ending and consumes more and more time. I see now that's it's addictive and keeps me from dealing with the real issues of sexual abuse by my dad and other men/boys.

All of this to say that you are perfectly normal for someone who has been sexually abuse. I would suggest not meeting random men from the internet for safety purposes, but try and deal with the real issues of your abuse before you beat yourself up for doing the porn. The porn is a symptom of the larger issue.
 
I do not know what to say to help, but I, too, have been there.

I agree that these feelings are normal. Gay, bi, straight, confused ... It does not matter. You need to be SAFE and careful and seek out love, peace, friendship, support, et cetera.

I will say a prayer that you find the strength and peace you are looking for.

God Bless!

PEACE!

TJ
 
My brother,
I can identify with your quandry. I too have a prlem with gay porn. I have been questioning my sexuality as of late. I want to see what male to male sex is like, but I think I am falling in love with my best friend Holley. I am just taking it one day at a time.
My only suggestion is for you to focus on each day as it comes, as healing is done day by day. If you do have sex, keep yourself safe and use condoms. Just remember, beating off is not a sin, and it the most safe sex you can engage in.
Casey
 
Remember that every moment you do not give in is a victory. And that God is always there to pick you back up again when you do fall.

I can give very little advice regarding the porn problem as I am still addicted and not making much progress. As a matter of fact I bought a membership a couple of weeks ago at a lesbian porn site. However I continue to tell myself I am making some progress. I can go a few days without porn. And I am not so extreme in my tastes as in the worst days. But I also realize that it is more God than me in that regard as I am coming to understand my weakness.
 
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