I found help here

[watkins]

I have been visiting here for about 2 months and have never posted anthing personal here. I have read so many stories that I can relate to. The perfectionism, the gay feelings and urges, the guilt and all of the confusion. I have sought out help with a T and meds for the depression. I think what has helped the most is every one who was not afraid to share what happened to them. I do not feel alone. I have found some great friends here that I stay in touch with. To everyone THANK YOU. I will visit here often....

 

[Lloydy]

Watkins
You are not alone here, it's unfortunate that any of us are here I know, but this is a great place for that extra support and friendship.

I look forward to hearing some more from you soon.

Dave

 

[outis]

Watkins,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor. There are a lot of guys here who've written things like you just did. I know I've written about some of those same things, here and in my journals.

It's a shame that you had to come here, that you had to look for someplace to help heal from sexual abuse. But it's a shame that belongs on the perp(s), not on you. Perps do horrible things. What you did was brave, for you came here and broke the silence, shattered the secret. Perps do shameful things and survivors do heroic things, as you just did.

I hope you are able to get as much good (or more) as I have from the fellowship of the folks here. There are so many people, survivors, partners of survivors, professionals working with survivors, friends and family of survivors, all working here toward healing from the effects of sexual abuse. At the conference in MN last week I saw so many strong people, so many caring people, that I believe I will carry the beneficial effects of that experience for the rest of my life. And the path to that conference started with finding these discussion forums.

Health, peace, and happiness to you.

Joe

 

[Mike Church]

Watkins

I join with Dave and Joe in welcoming you. I sincerly hope that you join in the discussions and help to provide some insight into what works for you in various situations.

It is a brotherhood here. Also join us in some fun stuff. We do do that on occasion. Actually quite a lot.

 

[BT]

Watkins, A resounding Hello, and a really big hug. Congratulations on posting and saying the things you said. I know it is hard. The first time is the hardest, but it is a big step. A step to a better place.

PM some more when you are ready. Do what you can do when you are ready, but I am there for you. Some friends here that know me and have actually met me are muldoon, ivanhoe, outis, thad, some others but they don't come to mind immeadiatly. you can pm them and check me out.

please do and let me know if and when there is anything I can do to help you along. It is a hard and painful road we are on, but one that is worth the trip.

All my best and Congrats again, it made my day to see your post.

BT

 

[watkins]

Mikey, Joe and Dave,
Thanks a million....I have noticed how much support and knowledge all of you have given to so many.
Maybe someone can help me try to answer this question. I am happily married with two daughters. I have a good job, I enjoy what I do. I am a Christian and my faith has carried me many times. Knowing all of that why do I have thoughts and urges for other men. I dont want them but its like they are just knocking at my door all the time. I try and try not to fall into their net but sometimes I fail and buy some porn mags, or go somewhere to watch a video. I hate this....I wish it would all go away. I feel like if I didnt have to deal with this my life would otherwise be great. This dark cloud looms over me. It follows me. And sometimes it rains on me and tries to get the best of my day. I went through about 6 months of T and I have been on anti-depressants for over a year. I have made progess and plan on making more. Its very hard. I have been able to open up even more and have even shared this with my wife. She has been very supportive. I have not accepted yet that this will always be with me and the best way to deal with it. But knowing there is support out there from people who have had the same unfortunate experience as myself is comforting.
Thanks,
Watkins

 

[Mike Church]

Watkins:

You said:

I have been able to open up even more and have even shared this with my wife. She has been very supportive.

Thjat my brother is huge in and of itself. This urge is a left over of the abuse. I mean when it was happening you were worth something and they probably told you how good at it you were.

The same thing happens to me when I get the poor me's. God I hate those words. Watkins it will not always be with you. As you progress the urge will leave. It really isn't an urge I guess it like we are moths drawn to the flame. With time, therapy and support and a lot of hard work on you part this flame will pass into history.