I felt different from other boys

I have been watching 'Coming Out' videos on YouTube. So many of them say similar things:
"I knew I was different at a young age"
"I tried to like girls but couldn't"
"I didn't feel confident around other boys"
"I feared rejection from Church"
"I was afraid I would go to hell"

It was strange to hear other men speak to what my experience was as a child. So much fear. So much confusion. So much isolation. No child should be made to feel that way about something beautiful like sexuality.
 

GarryDex

Registrant
I have been watching 'Coming Out' videos on YouTube. So many of them say similar things:
"I knew I was different at a young age"
"I tried to like girls but couldn't"
"I didn't feel confident around other boys"
"I feared rejection from Church"
"I was afraid I would go to hell"

It was strange to hear other men speak to what my experience was as a child. So much fear. So much confusion. So much isolation. No child should be made to feel that way about something beautiful like sexuality.
Even though I don't identify as bi gay or trans I also felt different growing up. I believe mine was because medical issues I wasn't really out of the house much before age of eight without a mask. Due to allergies and asthma this was my norm.
By the time I made into school I probably had three kids my age or about that were common play friends. When going to school a lot of times people don't see how you can fit in they see how they can marginalize you. If you didn't feel different to begin with, you will by the time you get done.
My family was very involved with the church. But I still didn't quite feel I fit.
At the age of 13 my SA began. During The grooming it felt like finally somebody wanted me around. I didn't know what they really wanted. So I ended up being sodomized by female repeatedly. She had unrestricted access to me for days at a time. She turned more sadistic. Using derogatory homosexual terms at me. I can't think of a more mixed message that you can get from an adult.
I believe I was 15? when it stopped. I repressed the memory. But it didn't mean that I was ever normal by anybody standards. I don't have to see the words that boys and girls call you when you don't fit in. If you're here you probably have heard them all before.
I identify as straight, but it doesn't mean I ever fit in. I never felt like I've had.
 
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