I feel lost...

I feel lost...
S

susskinsdrew

Registrant
...man, I hate it when you feel you've bounced back, only to lose some ground again.

I feel so compelled to take this issue and run with it, yet I feel so tired. I feel courageous, yet beaten. I feel like I have the power to make changes, yet I'm frozen.

Can someone, anyone, help me get the courage to fight again?

I am sick right now (I have a mild case of pnemonia), but still, I've felt like this since my son's perpetrator was put in jail. It's like I don't want to deal anymore. Like I want to forget, but I can't.

That brings another topic up. I STILL think about my son's abuse constantly. CONSTANTLY. Does that make me strange, or is this normal?

I work SO hard at maintaining at work. I am a good supervisor, but I hear the things that make my direct reports angry and I just want to blurt out, "Don't EVEN talk to me until your son has been molested by another man." People can be so petty and think so small.

I have been contemplating telling my boss about what happened. She is very much the consumate professional. I also wonder if she's ever experiened anything even remotely close to what D and I have been through.

I dont' know. I just dont' know.

Anyway, thank you for "listening".

Susan
 
Susan,

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You said"

Don't EVEN talk to me until your son has been molested by another man.
Click to expand...
I wish my mom would have said those words. Instead she acted like nothing happened. From what I can gather, you are doing everything right...your number 1, and only task is to protect your son.

Hang in there.

LOVE

Will
 
the sad part is your son thinks about it all the time too i'm sure ,when my problems started affecting my work i did talk to my boss and he did understand ,it helped explain the drop in my performence at work and it turned out ok
 
Dear Susan
What I feel reading your words of pain is that this experience you have been through is truly opening your consciousness to a different love.
As a survivor and pro survivor, this experience has totally changed me in regards to my vision of the world.
One has to go through pain and violence to truly understand love. The pettiness you describe may be the beginning of an understanding of the power of ego in our lives.
Also beware as a secondary victim to fully seperate yourself from your son. Your pain is not his pain and it is that you care about yourself alone, nurture yourself. This event has affected you big time, you are also a victim of his abuser and you have a right to all the emotions you are going through. As a pro survivor I have done a very good "bashing the bag" workshop with Mike Lew where I was able to express my rage against my love's mother who abused him.
I hope you will feel better soon. I have found also readings on buddhism very helpful.
Warmest regards
Caro
 
Susan,

It might help you a lot to tell your boss; only you can judge how she might react. From what you say she sounds like a good bet.

On courage and strength, there is an active thread on that here on MS - have a look. On your son's abuse being constantly on your mind, I guess my question would be this: How could it be otherwise? This shows you are still processing what happened and I think it's entirely normal. When that man abused your son he hurt you as well.

Survivors often say they just want to forget what happened, but I think eventually we reach the point where we DON'T want to forget. It's important that we and the rest of society be aware of the terrible nature of this crime against our children.

In any case I don't think we get this option. I can't imagine how I could ever forget what was done to me. But I do look forward to recovery in the sense of learning how to keep these memories from causing me harm and hijacking the rest of my life. I think what we get is peace, and the ability to function as loving people capable of living fruitful lives and sharing with others.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hey Susan,

I think that a private talk with your boss about how some family stuff is affecting you wouldn't be a bad idea. You can start out generally and gauge her reaction, figure out how specific you want to get.

One woman who used to post here often used the analogy of a denim shirt-- when you first wear it, it feels unnatural, restrictive and you're constantly reminded that you have it on, but over time it gets worn and while you still know it's there, it doesn't hinder you the way it used to, and at times you don't even think about having it on. The memories of the abuse can be like that.

SAR
 
Susan

I relate to you feeling like that (Dont EVEN talk to me etc...).

I think its very normal to be obsessed for a while with these thoughts and to feel intolerant to others "problems". Can you take some time off work? It must be a real strain to have to function "normally" when youre going through such enormous stresses at home.

Thinking of you

Tracy
 
I only work three days/week and just started this job in August, so taking time off really isn't much of an option right now. So far, I've been able to handle the stress without it affecting others. And, by the way, I was fired from my last job for, "not getting over it," 1.5 weeks post-disclosure from what was a self-proclaimed FAMILY-oriented company - NOT!

I like the denim shirt analogy. That really makes sense. I thank God I have this message board to express my TRUE thoughts and feelings in a safe, confidential manner.

I'll bounce back, I always do. I just think it'll take a bit more time for this particular setback. Thanks for all of your kind words of encouragment and understanding.

Susan
 
Susan,

I am sorry for what happened to your son. The pain for you as his mother must be extraordinary.

Should you tell? Well, I can see why you would not.

1) Child's privacy
2)"un professional"
3) don't want to appear to be making excuses

BUT isn't this often what victimis do- they say quiet because of shame, they have no idea what the "right place" to talk about it is - try to appear stronger so other people don't worry or revictimize them- while "acting out" and giving themselves a free pass?

(I am a survivor by the way and have recently been abused by my husband - who also was a victim but has not begun recovery)I have found that although in times of stress and sorrow, we can naturally want to curl up and isolate, not wanting to take the risk of having salt added to the wound,reaching out is the things that ultimately saves us- the sooner the better. I have had to "practice" doing it and when I did get it down, my life totally changed for the better. I found being open about my emotional pain - even in professional settings- made the healing faster because I was able to communicate my needs and have them respected. It became another source of support .
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top