i feel like a zero

i feel like a zero
B

bc22

Registrant
Today is hitting me hard. I cried myself to sleep last night...cried for about an hour. I realize I have no close friends, and the only one I ever share with wants nothing to do with me. I feel pathetic and alone. What kind of a person must I be if the one I love and have shared 15 years with wants nothing to do with me when I am in agony. I can not get rid of the pain...it is everywhere I turn. Why did this have to happen? Why can't I be normal? All I want out of life is the love of my wife and children, and apparantly I can't even do that right. I can't handle this constant ongoing pain. I need a break...just a little break, please, God!!!
 
bc,

At these terrible moments we need a rock, even if that rock cannot be a person in whom we can trust. It can just be an idea - something to believe in.

Can you try hanging onto the knowledge that you are not alone? Others have been in the dark place where you are and they know how it hurts. Many of them are here for you now. Feel their presence around you and try to see that if they got past these rough times so can you.

Kepp talking, my friend, and we will be here for you. We're listening and we care.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,
did you go through this? how did you get away from it? It hurts to breathe, to think, to be. I don't mean this as fatal because I would not do that, but I just hurt so much!
 
bc,

Yes, I went through that and so did so many others here. It just seemed to dominate everything about my life, and I have to admit that sometimes I still get badly ambushed.

I didn't get away from it, though that's what I tried to do at first. I told my sister the whole thing, thinking she would be able to help me make it all "go away". But in reality what happened was that having someone to talk to and trust gave me the strength I needed to begin to face my issues.

That's the bottom line, bc. There's no short cut around our abuse issues; we have to plow right through them. You get your life back, so it's worth it, but the work is probably the most difficult thing you will ever do. That's why it's important to have a safe place like this where we can talk and relate to other guys who understand what we're facing.

Much love,
Larry
 
bc,

Thwap has a good idea there. Let the guys here know when you will be in chat and come talk about things.

As JapanZen says, it does get better. Just don't sit alone with all this crap in the interim.

Much love,
Larry
 
Guys,
I appreciate all of your support. It has helped me a great deal. I believe I hit rock bottom Sunday night and yesterday. I do have a better outlook, I am going to concentrate on my children and my healing. I have been talking to a T through e-mail who is looking to get me hooked up with a local T. Thank you for your care and concern. I will be on chat around 10 tonight! thank you and God bless!!
BC
 
bc,

I'm glad you are feeling better today. But perhaps it would help you to make a mental note of this episode. It may happen again, and if it does it will help you to know that the feelings of being overwhelmed do pass.

Much love,
Larry
 
yes bc -

you can make a note of this -

to also know WE are always here! eh?

so you're not alone ... :)

if not the same group of guys one or all -

come back - we're here ...

sometimes it felt like i was all alone - when in fact -

someone on MS was -

or my buddy - was here -

even at the point of thinking no one was here

you kept faith and that's good -

- you're strong -

take it easy.

Mark
 
I can not believe how fortunate I was to find this website. Y'all are a great source of stregnth and comfort for me. It is tremendous the amount of care that pours out in these postings!!! I am sorry for the reasons all of you are here, but I am greatful for those who know exactly where I am coming from. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me through a very rough patch! My concentration of getting help and being the best dad I can is doing well so far. It was a pretty good day, my son's birthday. I am so thankful that I can treasure the moments of his youth! I am going to concentrate on the present and the future and leave the past in the past, with the exception of getting my abuse out of my head. I am determined to beat this thing. If I let myself fall apart, the bastards that abused me win, and I am not going to let that happen!!!
Thank you all again, and God bless each and every one of you!!!
BC
 
bc,

I am so glad the birthday went well. This kind of thing falls right into the "let's make a memory" department, right? You will always cherish and treasure these moments, and they will be the foundation for building your son's confidence and character as a boy and then as a young man.

What an amazing thought, eh? You have some pretty wonderful things ahead of you in your life, my friend.

Much love,
Larry
 
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