I feel frozen

[bisulatino]

Hey everyone, it's me again, the Victor from Iowa. I finished school for the year and am back in California, I'm trying to figure some things out but I don't think I'm getting anything done.

At home I feel like a deer in headlights. It's as if the house itself says to me "stand there and do nothing" and so all I end up doing it sleeping. I moved out and am staying with a friend in order to try to avoid this. Although my new living arrangement isn't perfect, I feel a lot more whole than I did at home.

Still at home I feel like I can't get any help from my family. I feel like I'm not getting any help from my friend. Since I'm really hurting inside, I feel helpless and just freeze up. It's caused conflicts with me and my family, and I think it's going to get worse. What can I do to unfreeze myself? I'm trying to see a T out here, but is there anything else I can do? Are there any SA Support Groups in the Southern California area?

I'm hoping that maybe even just writing this message will help me feel a little better.

 

[Mike Church]

Bisulatino

Quote
I'm really hurting inside, I feel helpless and just freeze up. It's caused conflicts with me and my family, and I think it's going to get worse. What can I do to unfreeze myself? I'm trying to see a T out here, but is there anything else I can do?

Hey brother I wolf I can hear your howl of pain. I too have had that kind of feeling. Especially that of being caught in the hidlight of an oncoming freight train.

I grabbed the list below from our Website of Therapists in California. One of them may be able to give you the name of a support group you can join.


Burbank

Dove Poock, MA

Monterey

Stephen L. Braveman, M.A., L.M.F.T., C.S.T.

Oakland

Merle Yost, MA

Pasadena

John Jones, MFT

San Diego

Michael Angelo Castellana, LCSW

San Francisco

Susan Wachob, MSW

Gadi Zohar, LFMT

Sonora

Arlene S. Giordano, Ph.D., FICPP


Take it easy brother. You will get through it.

Mike
AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[Wuamei]

Hey everyone, it's me again, the Victor from Iowa. I finished school for the year and am back in California, I'm trying to figure some things out but I don't think I'm getting anything done.

Hi fellow Victor against SA!

VictorB, I know those feelings of spinning my wheels or running on empty.

Just a thot from my experience, having been in and out of school 3 times now: Maybe since school is so accomplishment and results oriented you just
feel like you're not getting anything done right now. "Trying to figure some things out" is more abstract but still very important. Could it be you're doing more than you feel you are? Could you try taking an inventory, putting things down in a journal, checking for progress? Might help you feel better about what you are accomplishing. Probably just posting this, and receiving responses, will help too.

At home I feel like a deer in headlights. It's as if the house itself says to me "stand there and do nothing" and so all I end up doing it sleeping. I moved out and am staying with a friend in order to try to avoid this. Although my new living arrangement isn't perfect, I feel a lot more whole than I did at home.

Fellow Victor, home can do that to people, especially us survivors.

Years ago, about 5 years & several jobs out of high school, I "went back home." Actually I went to San Francisco where I'd never been before, but my mother was there. This was way before I recalled my SA & knew my mother was my prime perp,
tho I knew she'd been abusive in other ways & certainly a very negligent mother.

What was I thinking?!

Well, in about 6 weeks I unfroze & jumped out of the way of that oncoming car!

My friend you've jumped out of the way too, by moving in with your friend and avoiding a triggering, freezing situation at home. So already
you're doing something to unfreeze yourself.

Right after I unfroze, left San Fran, and came back East, my life started to turn around. Within months I became a Christian and started into college, in another year I got married to my wonderful wife of 23 years.

Who knows what this latest move out of the headlights will mean for you?!

Still at home I feel like I can't get any help from my family. I feel like I'm not getting any help from my friend. Since I'm really hurting inside, I feel helpless and just freeze up. It's caused conflicts with me and my family, and I think it's going to get worse.

VictorB not knowing your situation with your family or with your friend I'm not sure what kind of help you could get from them. But it sounds like you're trying to find what help you can where you can.

At least from your friend you're getting the help of getting away from your family, which hopefully eases your conflicts with them. Still, I'm thousands of miles from my mother, not even contacting her anymore, yet I still have conflict with her...

What can I do to unfreeze myself? I'm trying to see a T out here, but is there anything else I can do? Are there any SA Support Groups in the Southern California area?

Finding a good T, and if you can a support group,
as well as posting and finding help & support here
should surely help you thaw out & warm up some.

Incest Survivors Anonymous (I.S.A.) is based in Long Beach, CA. They have a kinda pen pal program and I've gotten some materials from them. Surely they have meetings in So Cal? Here's a link:

https://www.lafn.org/medical/isa/home.html

Perhaps you can also find some help in this recent thread I started, "Doing What It Takes to Survive":

https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001820#000003

Well, my fellow Victor, I hope some of this helps a bit. Take your time with yourself, take it easy on yourself, and take care of yourself.

VictorW

 

[Marc]

Heyla bisulatino!

I know this is an old post but thought you might contribute or at least be interested in this thread...

Race and SA

I would definitely value any insight that you might be willing to share.

Thanks