I feel down, and my bodily boundaries are blurred. Dad... (trigger!!!)

I feel down, and my bodily boundaries are blurred. Dad... (trigger!!!)
A

alexey

Registrant
Hi,

I am actually feeling nod good now. I feel how my boundaries - I mean physical boundaries - are blurred. My dad can touch my body whenever he likes it, and it is so bad!!!!! I loose the feeling of my body with its boundaries, and I don't feel safe. It is like I am sinking down and down to my own body in searching for security, and I feel so bad because of it. I even start to have me for this weakness, but I also hate my dad for his ignorance. Plus he can scream at me if he listens something that he "don't like" to listen - be it about MY job or my life. It is disgusting.

I don't know what to do, but what I know is that when My d*d starts to behave like this, touching my body when he likes, I loose my self-esteem and I feel down. PLease, any advice what to do. I wait for any suggestion.

Alexey
 
Alexey,

Can you stay away from him somehow? He is like this always or sometimes? I am not sure how he touches you but he should not touch you if it is not wanted by you. I understand how it can affect your self-esteem. I hope that he will stop. I want to tell you to go somewhere else but I know that may not be possible now. We will talk tomorrow. I'm thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

Dale
 
Hi Alexey, it is ok to tell your dad. DON'T TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW!!! Just because you say that it doesn't mean you don't love him, it just means you need your space.

Take care,
Clifford
 
Alexey,

I am so sorry this is happening to you, but the first step towards making it stop is to talk about it. You have done the right thing to do this.

First of all, you aren't alone; many survivors have this problem. I don't know enough about your own case to do more than speak in general terms, but many abused boys come to think that they don't deserve anything better than the abuse they are enduring. This was certainly the case with me. In other cases the boy copes with the terrible things being done to him by telling himself that his body isn't his anymore; he doesn't have any say in what anyone does with it.

These feelings make the boy submit easily to abuse; he simply doesn't think he has any choices or anything to save. He feels totally lost and worthless, so it just doesn't matter what anyone does to him. Why should he fight when he knows it's hopeless? Again, I am speaking from experience.

These feelings can continue even as the boy grows up and becomes a man. If he is confronted by the abuser he may just give up again. But he is NOT to blame for this.

One thing you can do in the short term to make this stop is to make sure you are not alone with your father at any time. And if you are living in his house, you should move out as fast as possible. Do you have any friends you can call on to let you stay for awhile?

In the longer term you should try to get some professional help in rebuilding your self-confidence and esteem. You need to trust the fact that your body IS your own and that you CAN tell others to keep their hands off.

Above all, don't be ashamed of any of this. There are very good reasons why it's happening, and those reasons all go back to the bad things that happened to you earlier in life. And remember, it often takes a lot of courage to ask for the help we need. That's certainly the case here.

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks, Dale, Clifford and Larry.

I said to my dad to not touch me without my permission. He said ok.

I live with my family, and I'll need to establish the rules. For now, I can do that.

Thanks for advice, Larry. You speak directly to me. I often feel that I don't deserve even to keep my body's boundaries even though I feel intimidated when some touches my body without me asking for it.

Thanks for help. It is good to hear from you, guys.

Alexey
 
Alexey,

nobody has the right to touch anothers' body without consent.
You should not have to live with this encroachment on your life, physical or mental.

I guess it is what we are about though, anyone seems to think they can walk in and take what they want, anytime it suits them.

Thanks for being strong, but you should not have to be,

ste
 
Ste,

Thanks for your good words. I feel now that I am not really free, but I do know that I can be more free. I'll try to let my inner strength go outside in a healthy way, and by doing that I'll make sure that I have my boundaries not disturbed. I hope I'll not set a wall of defence against so many people, but somehow I do that and I can't stop.

Thank you,
Alexey
 
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