I dont want him to find out.(triggers.)

I dont want him to find out.(triggers.)
O

orlando

Registrant
I am new here, so to everyone hello,and I hope to get to know you all.

Like I said in my post subject I dont want him to know, him being A friend of mine who I share an apartment with.
About two months ago I was raped at a friends birthday house party, it was loud and noisey and no one even notieced that I was gone (it was just too croweded too notice i think) but someone at that party raped me in one of the upsatirs rooms, then he just left me there,I didnt know what to do so I just went home, I couldnt think what to do,so I waited up for my friend who i live with, (i diddnt want to go to sleep in the appartment on my own)When he got back he asked me where I went and I just lied to him and told him I felt ill. I dont know why I did that, you know how you feel when you want to tell someoone somthing but you just cant find the words, thats what i felt like,He asked me if I needed anything and when I said no he asked me to sit with him and talk. So I did. He then told me that he liked me more than a friend and wanted to know if I felt the same about him, and I do,I do, I told him I wasnt sure and Id have to think about it, and he said he'd wait for m answer, even now i guess hes still waiting, but what can I do now? i cant be with him anyway, because i just couldnt handle that. If he finds out what happened he would not want to be with me, not with all the strees it would put him thorugh, I mean a realationship ususally requires to people to have sex, does it not? I cant do that, so its not fair to him if I was with him, he'd have to wait for me for so long and even then I dont know when I will be ready for any kind of contact like that. Why does this happen? I dont want him to think I dont like him, but if I tell him I was raped hell freak out and tell everyone, and I dont want anyone to know.
 
Orlando,

Man I feel for you. I can't address the issue of relationships, but you're going through a normal traumatic response. I would urge you to call your local rape crisis hotline and speak with them. They can help you right now. Then a therapist who specializes in male sexual abuse would be of some help. And we are here for you anytime.

Welcome, I just wish you had never had a reason to have to reach out, but I am glad you are here.

Peace,

Marc
 
Do I have to get a therapist? I dont want to tell anyone about it I had a therapist when I was younger for other reasons, and all she did was ask my how I felt and what not and I juct culdnt tell heranything, I couldnt express myself,Im stuck I dont know if I can talk to someoone about it , much less will they care? at he end of the day they get paid for it so why would they care?
Do you think I should go to the hospital? about this? I never went before, I was too scared, now it seems like a good idea, but I dont want them to ask loads of questions. Should I have gone right after the rape? because I diddnt? maybe I would not feel so pathetic if I had gone to the hospital before?
 
Orlando,

No. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I recommend the rape crisis line over the hospital because you will be anonymous which should help you be a little more confident.

As far as the therapist goes, one who specializes in male sexual abuse/rape is going to be far more sympathetic then a genral therapist. I know your fears about that, because I have had therapists in the past who obviously didn't want to hear about abuse or minimized it. My current therapist does understand and I believe she cares.

When and if you feel you are ready to see a therapist, go to the top of this site and I believe it is under resources and called How to shop for a Therapist.

Remember, this was NOT your fault. You did nothing to deserve this.

Feel free to send me a PM if you wish to.

Peace,

Marc
 
Orlando you have had a truly hellish thing happen to you. It is not your dirty little secret ever and it was never your fault. There is no shame attached to you. But listen to Marc. Yes you should call the rape crisis centre. And yes you should go to the hospital to be checked.

Orlando I was raped as a 16 year old by three upperclassmen at Military College repeatedly over a 9-10 month period. That and other stuff led me to be a street huster, a heroin addict and an alcoholic. The important thing to let you know is that I did nothing about it until I was 56 years old. No big deal I thought. Well it sure as hell was a big deal. It influenced every day of my life.

Dont let that happen to you Orlando. Get the help you need right now. It is so difficult to to this by yourself. Remember one thing though you are never alone again with this . We are all here for you and that is important.
 
Hi, marc, I just wanted to say thank you for reading my post and replying, it made me feel better to know that someone is willing to give advice. I will try to see a therapist, when I can handle myself, but for now I will just keep quiet,
Do you think it is worth going to the hospial and telling them about the rape? or is it too late? I do not want to keep troubleing you by asking you questions, so if this bothers you then I am sorry. I just have no idea what to do with myself, I keep thinking that if I go to the hospital and tell them what happened they will not care about it because it has been to long, I read on a web site that you shuold go to the hospital to be examined to check your okay, as soon as possible after an attack , but I never did, will they still be bothered about the attack now?

Sorry if I bother you with my questions please tell me if I do.
 
Thank you mike, I will try to go to the hospital, but I dont want them to ask a lot of questions?
and I dont really want to be examined, what will they do? because the thought of a doctor touching me is not nice. will they just ask questions?
 
Orlando,

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but I'm glad you found this site. It can really save your life.

I'm not in a happy place today, so I really don't know if this will be helpful. But here goes.

You don't HAVE to go to counselling, as Marc said, if you don't want to, but I hope you consider it again. I wasn't too thrilled about going to a counselor (as the @$$hole who raped and abused me at 11-12 WAS one), but it helped me a great deal. In fact, I need to find one right now to help me deal with related issues, in fact.

I was also raped at gunpoint as an adult two years ago, so I do understand what you're going through. Even if you don't want a counsellor, you really should get in touch with a rape crisis center in your area to help you with the immediate, physical concerns (VD/HIV testing, possible medical follow-up) as well as if you want to persue charges.

No matter what, my friend, THIS WASN'T YOUR FAULT! None of it. You are blameless.

Please feel free to PM me or anyone else here you feel comfortable with if you need to. There's a lot of wisdom here, as well as compassion.

I can't speak to your relationship situation either, but counselling also can help you get beyond the trauma and guide you forward into the ABILITY to have a relationship, if you want it.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Orlando,

You do not bother any of us by asking questions. We ask plenty ourselves. I agree with Mike also, you should go to the hospital. Just explain to them what you want to and tell them you can't say more. I don't know about hospitals in the UK, but they would probably be able to give you some medication to help with the anxiety you are feeling.

Keep posting whenever you have to. That's what we're here for. And again, feel free to PM me if you wish to.

Peace,

Marc
 
Okay,I will go soon and get it over with. I just dont want to go on my own, horrible places hospitals are. :(
 
Orlando,

I know you don't want anyone to know about this. But do you have a trusted friend who could go with you and just tell him/her that you need an exam and leave it at that? It would help keep you calm in the hospital. They don't actually have to be with you when you talk to the Doctor.

Peace,

Marc
 
Orlando,

I agree with Marc. If you have someone you trust, ask them to go with you. It's not something you HAVE to go through alone.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
the only person i really trudt is my room mate, but I dont know if its a good idea for him to go, (I dont want him to worry) so I will ask my friend from college. Thanks guys , why am I not as smart as any of you? Oh well thanks you guys.

I know this souds really corny and I dont know any of you well yet, but youre all really special to me.
 
Orlando,

We are a band of brothers here. And you are our newest and most welcome brother!

Marc
 
thankyou marc. im glad that you welcome me.
 
Hi Orlando, I want to say hi and welcome, like you I am new, If you wanna talk or anything or want someone to rant and rave at just pm me and ill listen. no one should have to suffer in silence. give voice to your hurt.

Dont let him win.
 
Orlando,

Let me add my welcome. You have gotten a lot of good replies from some of the best people you could ever hope to meet. This is a place of caring.

Please go easy on yourself.

Thanks,

Joe
 
By the way, orlando,

We don't start out "smart" in this. We all start out the same way, unprepared and VERY hurt by the morons who do it to us.

There is no "smart" way out of this. There's the "best" way. The ONLY way we're going to survive.

You're going to be okay, my friend.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Welcome Orlando,

I know that you're living right now in this world on a minute-to-minute basis. I did that for an entire year. Trying to extend those minutes with alchohol/drugs.

My advice is this, deal with whatever you need to deal with right now. Waiting only cuts more and more time away from a happy future. Yes, it sucks, but it's not your fault. Whatever you did you did to survive that moment. Don't blame yourself. I lost an entire year of my life, including a girlfriend who really cared about me.

Go to hospital, get checked out. Find a therapist. You might not need one for a long period of time, who knows. Something is better than nothing and nothing leaves you more alone and isolated.

Welcome
Take it easy,
Fusion

Oh yeah, come back here often and don't be afraid to post whatever is on your mind. It doesn't how crazy I think something sounds, someone has gone through it before.
 
thank you everybody, I really apreciate this, you made me feel so welcome, and I cant thank you enough for the support I have been getting.
Tahnkyou so much, I called up my friend from college and asked her to come with me to the hospital (i managed to get an appointment tomorrow the 18th so hen I wont be able to back that way,) I let you know how it goes!
 
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