I dont mean to sound thick but what is this acting out?

[Archnut]

As I said apologies for appearing a bit thick but i have read the phrase "acting out" can someone give me a handle on this as i am sure i have taken part in acting out somehwere down the line.

I already recognise my many masks sober, drunk, male, female, putting on that mask that tells everyone (except those in the know) im doing fine....... when really everything is falling apart.

And all that was left was hope

Archnut

 

[ScottyTodd]

Archnut - Hi!! I'll try to explain...my phrase to remember acting out is: "If you don't talk it out, you'll act it out". Survivors in different levels of recovery may or may not be able to talk about 'the secret'; identify and talk about how they are feeling, know what normal is so they can talk with someone, just have never talked about their 'secret' and don't know how to talk about it. When their hurt, pain, fear - whatever surfaces...they act it out (i.e. cover it with porn, masturbation, seeking one-night-stands, drugs, alcohol, food, hookers, cutting themselves, whatever).

For example, when some teen is acting out and their parent is confused or consequences them, I generally tell the parent to eliminate the verbage (turn down the volume) and watch what the teen is doing. I ask, what does it look like and how does it make you feel? Generally, they will act out what is happening inside.

Does that make sense to you?

If not - just ask!

 

[ScottyTodd]

Archnut - Hi!! I'll try to explain...my phrase to remember acting out is: "If you don't talk it out, you'll act it out". Survivors in different levels of recovery may or may not be able to talk about 'the secret'; identify and talk about how they are feeling, know what normal is so they can talk with someone, just have never talked about their 'secret' and don't know how to talk about it. When their hurt, pain, fear - whatever surfaces...they act it out (i.e. cover it with porn, masturbation, seeking one-night-stands, drugs, alcohol, food, hookers, cutting themselves, whatever).

For example, when some teen is acting out and their parent is confused or consequences them, I generally tell the parent to eliminate the verbage (turn down the volume) and watch what the teen is doing. I ask, what does it look like and how does it make you feel? Generally, they will act out what is happening inside.

Does that make sense to you?

If not - just ask!

 

[Wuamei]

Archnut:

This is taken from the article "Breaking The Cycle of Self-Defeating Behaviors" By Ken Singer.
The complete article can be found at:

https://www.malesurvivor.org/articles/singer2.htm

I know (all too well)what acting out is but it's hard to put into words. Ken does it very well here (italics mine):

Negative thoughts and feelings which lead to behaviors that are not in a person's best interest can be termed 'compensatory behaviors'. These behaviors compensate or replace the unwanted feelings or thoughts.

Like thinking about our abuses, or feeling the bad feelings of worthlessness & blame they can give us.

Compensatory behaviors may be directed towards others or property. This is termed 'acting out'. The familiar experience of taking out a bad day on people by verbally or physically abusing them or destroying property, is one way people 'act out' their negative emotions.

The acting out we usually seem to talk about here is sexual, such as having affairs or buying prostitutes; sexual offenses would also be acting out.

The trigger feelings or thoughts might be turned against yourself-'acting in'. This can include mentally beating up on yourself, physically hurting yourself by punching a wall, cutting, or other self-injurious behaviors. It can also involve self-defeating behaviors such as "forgetting" to pay a bill on time and getting charged a late fee or interest.

Could be sexually abusing yourself in some way. Don't hear much about that here. But alot of things we think of as acting out sexually may also be abusive to ourselves, thus in a sense acting in. In other words, these concepts can overlap.

Another way that people compensate for unwanted feelings and thoughts is to 'numb out'. This is a way to block feelings or forget about problems through the use of drugs, alcohol, excessive tv watching or playing video games, over-eating or other activity that is used to numb. Compulsive sexual activities can also be a way to numb feelings and thoughts.

This is most technically what many of us, including myself, are referring to when we speak of acting out; especially if our sexual acting out does not physically involve other people. Again, a behavior may be all three, acting out, acting in, numbing out. Actually, I've started using the term numbing out for my compulsive sexual behaviors, which involve FPM (Fantasy Porn Masturbation).

There is a fourth choice a person can make when experiencing trigger thoughts or feelings. It is called 'intervention' and it empowers rather than disempowers as acting out, acting in or numbing out usually do.

Things like support groups & friends, good therapy & psychiatry, retreats, books, etc. Now that's the way to go!

Hope that helps some Kirk. TC & TTYL.

Archnut