i dont love you.
James.I changed my email address,
I don't come here often and don't receive notifications if someone replied to my posts.
Sorry, no excuses!! Sorry.
I couldn't be myself.
I have freedom.
I can't talk because I have to be dumb.
I noticed I had to be a woman.
I am envy men; stuck on wanting to be a boy- cousins parents made me a different sex.
Male parent knows- he will give me anything so it will be forgotten.
I want sex. Men don't understand.
Maybe they think I'm messed up.
But they don't get how they can help.
I have Noone. ??. I wanted to be perfect.
Probably why my life was in my head,
I thought I was smarter than everyone.
Never was taught. Cousins parents wanted me to think that the people around don't like me and can't be trusted.
Parents did nothing.
I have to kill myself. Or kill my mother.
I am in the present. ?? Not always.
Have to feel. I found a group. Cried a bit. Felt great! Hope I will ball my eyes out in the future.
Goodbye. Kid inside has keeping quiet.
Suicide is my cousins hope. ?.
I can't talk/ tell.
Sadly can't relive kid stuff.
Risky to trust. Hate how I live.
Never had a penis.
I don't know how to be... how to live
Scared. Lonely. Desperate.
It sucks. Keep continuing...working
I hate my sperm donor. Coward.
I feel ashamed. So ashamed.
I hate not loving my mom.
My brother will never understand.
I hate my cousins.
Don't know...how I'm gonna move.
Sucks I have to keep finding courage..
I don't know how to have boundaries...
Or also have paranoia...
Scary stuff.
Keep wanting to runaway...
I know I'm safe. But it's scary.
I didn't have safe place as a kid.
Disaccoiating....not good.
People can get envious- it sucks.
Can't be responsible for them or anyone else.
I don't know who and how..
Love is great....and frightening...
Thanks for malesurvivor for making this possible!!!!
God bless. Sleep well!
James