i dont love you.

Sterling

Registrant
...one more thing Eric..
Of you or anyone here decides to talk out loud for therapeutic reasons yknow to make it easier- help yourself out..
Do me a favor, please check around and see if anyone is close by that they can hear you..
I wouldn't want you to get strange or panic and feel uncomfortable explaining to them..

I've been in a washroom got caught talking out loud to myself...
Lol , embarrassing..
I don't want someone to come to me..
" your suggestion sucked James!, blah blah happened "...
I want to help, but we have to be aware of who's around us when doing therapeutic exercises such as this.
Another thing that I still do...
I am afraid of getting into trouble for this one ....please be careful!
My first therapist ( thank you for saving my life) He would allow me to call his number and leave a voice mail.
Other than share my struggles..
I felt to almost yell into the phone as if the abuser was listening!
I want to urge if you try this...please let the person know that you want to try and see if this helps..
Another thing if you do want to try this..
1st give it a test run with a plain message and time how long you it takes till you excede the time allowed...
You can also check and see if you can Erase and then record and continue with a second message.
Please know that some phones only allow 2 or 3 messages... I wouldn't want someone to have accidentally sent a message that could scare someone who has no idea why you left this message.
So please if you would like to try and see if this would help you... check and see and talk about Say boring words and try to see if you can erase and re-record a message a third time and Know that you are able to erase your final message!
If this sounds too scary.. forget about it.
Maybe ask a therapist or a professional to be with you outside somewhere where nobody is around..and have him/her behind you and maybe you can do an excircise like this with you assimilating that that person who hurt you is in front of you and you feel safe- you know the abuser is NOT there and a person who you feel who is safe is there to encourage and support you.
These are just suggestions, if none of this is of interest to you- don't even bother! I'm sure you and others can and will find plenty of exercises that will help you to heal your way!
Thank you,
Hopefully this wasn't stressful to read
James
 

Sterling

Registrant
Movie. Teach me. Sick.
Help "! Girl. Loser. Alone!
Age 1. McDonald's is home.
Protect me! Don't want to look at them in the eye.
Staring at the clock.
19 forward and back.
Can't learn
Are you okay?
I wish I could understand more..
Wish there was a place..
Addictive. I am on a movie.
My loneliness, sucks.
I like to suffer.
End me, dad.
Homeless.
Survive.
Thanks for watching.
"Scary stuff ." He says.
" I need him.
How and what can I do?
Pay.
Xo
J
 

Sterling

Registrant
I always wanted me.

Good for you!
Look at g everybody...
I wanted to write something funny...

I don't have a home at the moment..

Come sleep over...
Hgtff
I hate my family.
I just want to feel free.

You have to love us" , " we save you "
That's male parent sister in law.

Yea but today...." kinda brothers voice

I never had anyone to talk to...
Money please come...
I'm very lonely and sick...
Sick....because...I wanted to love ❤️
Mmmmmm.

I don't know how....I'm worried...
What if? I'm feeling embarrassed...
I need help.
I don't know how...
Scared of finding out my secrets...
I'm allowed to know myself.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER
POSSIBLE TRIGGER
PLEASE AND SORRY.



I go to sleep. It's over.

Why do you want to live with them?

I didn't!!


This got depressing.
Sorry.
Tent it out.
Job.
Money
Pay back.
Pay them.

Survive.
 

Sterling

Registrant
So...
Plans. " Mom dad put his dink in my mouth ".
Now what you gonna do?
Loser!
I'll make it. Yea.
How bout you start munching away...
How bout you have voices you miserable fxxk! Hope you're only buddy is the TV set.
I'm little no home guys..
Learning that I feel discouraged if I live near him.
Boy did I get a loser for a parent.
But James you can't use that..
Why don't you use your lovely words....
Fine. I'll take / accept.
I'm doing a good job yknow?!
Schizoaffective isn't fun yknow..
I could kill myself.... I don't want to do things like this.
I want to feel like a man yknow...
I don't have anyone right now...
I'm scared. I feel embarrassed.
I didn't get to learn.
We have to open up like this to get higher- to a better place.
I have so much crying I need to get to...
I don't want to jinx it.
Goodnight.
Thanks for caring.
Sorry malesurvivor the conversation written here wasn't directed to you..
People who think this is easy work!
Maybe I should be careful...
Thanks again....

I'm feeling very desperate.

How do I stop?
James
 

Sterling

Registrant
Help.
Kij my self.
Ideas.
Product.
Have fun.
Jealous. Sugar free.
I need help.
I need to be frightened.
Lonely. Why can't I?
My mom. We know you.
I hate my.
Sorry guys.
I can see why.
Free.
Hope
Ideas channel confidence
Please help.
God bless.

J
 

Sterling

Registrant
Very grateful for malesurvivor.
Thank you God. And everyone.
I wish it was easier.
I feel lonely, betrayed... not allowed to be a male.
I'm very confused. Distant.
I can't let them
How do I make my place?
I wish I had the right people.
I can be like others.
They couldn't let me know, me.
Dumb male parent. Shame on him and them.
I keep wanting love. I feel like I'm begging for it .
I understand why I am a concern to be around..
I'm hard on me.
Yea but if I never had my own mind...
A person has to know ..
I hate my cousins. I feel embarrassed.
I hate myself. Struggle with structure.
I feel like they are with me
Boundaries . I had to erase stuff.
How...
Identity my goal.
Trusting myself. Faith, Hope.
God bless everybody.
Loneliness- porn.
I don't like my- self.
Goodnight.
Thank you
Hugs,
James
 
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