i dont love you.

Hi James,
I looked at many past posts you have made and see where you know yourself very well, but you say you haven’t accepted yourself. That is great insight. I see and feel your absolute frustration and wish it eased for you , but one thing I see is the continued fight and desire you have within you to change. You know who you are, and for many that is missing. Accept yourself. You know who you are and what happened was tragic. You know you want a different life, and see it within grasp. I hope you can get there James, I am truly hoping you succeed. You’re a good guy who makes me smile in many posts (diaper post for instance!) and has made me sad with realizations of deep loneliness. I am rooting for you! Take care James.
 
Sterling please don't self harm. And it's ok to be gay and to yell out, get it out, cry, sob, whatever you need to do. Get a teddy bear or a stuffed animal that brings to your heart when you are upset and you can hold. If you ever need help, always check chat to talk to somebody here or if you are really going to hurt yourself text the Suicide Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ or call at 800-273-8255. Or call 911. When you are too scared and don't know what to do and need help, somebody will help you, there always is someone who will. And feel free to post here as often as you want, we read it.

GH999
 

Sterling

Registrant
I had to be my dad. and his dad. garbage nation.
I want to , me .
Its nuts, i want a guy badly.......patience can be troubling.
Don't want to be responsible.
That's why I have a hard time working for someone.....
.....concerned "what do they think"

Thanks guys; Rick and Greyhound.
I don't ground myself enough

I am loving what i am doing and how far i have come.

That's it.
hugs, hugs, hugs.
James
malesurvivor=priceless. thanks.
 

Sterling

Registrant
Wait, what's going on?
I needed sex. I want this guy Kevin.
He wants me too.
What's the problem?
I don't want to kixx myself.
 

Sterling

Registrant
I'm working hard.
I'm doing a good job.
I feel bad for my dad.
Fuk that! Who will care for you? ,
you sensitive naive fuk?
Be careful. Noone will care for you.
The trauma happened to me.
This story is mine, Noone else's.
Quit going on these hookup apps waiting for your dad.
He isn't them.
Gay is fine.
Love yourself !


Thanks Rick.
X
 

Sterling

Registrant
i needed m. and then i wanted to cry so badly.
i hope my mom pulls thru.
i dont know if i can live here, ....
wish i could listne. listen. my inner voices , blacks. because i need to be careful
that she cant be me!
i know this is scary but you got this james.
how to i gigue. what does this mean? i am angry, frustrated and terrified.
why?
I had to hit my mother. and hit hit.
elementary school was frightening m for me. i had to be her.
we cant give you your mother back....
i know.
so thats b probably where you need to cry. and . cry.
james : " i wanted you. i needed you. where are you?
I dont want to listen to them. they want me to die". How old do i feel when asking this?
age 1 .
goodnight .
thanks for giving me the privelage to thoroughly heal , malesurvivor .
 

Sterling

Registrant
I want to kill.
Jjjhgff
I can hurt. I hate him.
Why do I make things up?
I don't know what happened.
I am so lonely.
I want the real deal. Whaddya mean?
man. In front of me.
I don't want to watch porn.
I'm but. Me. Depressed. Lonely.
Nobody wanted me .
I am angry. I'm lonely.
I want to live. Get it all.
Still lonely.
Fxxxxxxxxk!
 

Sterling

Registrant
COULD POSSIBLY TRIGGER
COULD POSSIBLY TRIGGER
COULD POSSIBLY TRIGGER




at home.
" this isn't my home! ??
Dad . "?

He wants you.
I can't go there, she took my mom away.
now is not 1978.
I don't like making me sick.
I don't know what to do.
I feel frustrated! Alone. Jealous!
Lots of rage.
I feel lost,........


like sucking dixx because I want to get love, from a man - preferably one who is a dad, to me.
Shhhh! Don't tell anyone. "
"C'mon..... "

I don't have to know him
I don't like him.
He not my dad!
Where do I go?

Thanks for being on t.v. ,"
Cousins are blank .
Then when it was over,
I erased my gender, I will always be a boy....
I hate , them.
I feel sick. Alone, ashamed, disturbing,
I feel lost and forgotten,
When I eat, I forget how and what happened.
Can anyone be my dad?

Too much!!
Leaving, going where?

Hugs,
 
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