i dont love you.
i dont love you.
- Thread starterSterling
- Start date
https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=1okVW96uGo6XzwL95q_wAQ&q=how+to+process+emotions&oq=how+to+process+emotions&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0l4j0i22i30k1l6.378.3606.0.3833.23.15.0.7.7.0.176.1865.3j12.15.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..1.22.2008...0i131k1.0.d749WfxPzEM
how to process emotions what if i want love.? i want love. what if this? happens? what if i get rejected? then i know we are resilient. we know these feelings are b/c i hated me. we know that we have each other at malesurivor. we know there are so many websites. we know that if we feel bad o alone...its not forever.
my anger is mine. my dad cant take me away. nobody cant take me. b nobody is here with me. so if i am afriad its b/c of me. i am me. we are not alone. we can and will help one another. if we are afriad , we are human. we can always support one another. this journey isnt easy. we can trust one another. we are here to look after each other. i thought i was perfect. i had to belive this. i had no body to share this. my mind went to disacciontat ion.
what if we all want to inspire others. how to know
our boundaries ? how much is too much? what about me? what
about my needs? can I turn off the compassion off? yes.
how can I turn this off? each person is different.
nobody cant do the work for me.
it isn't greedy to want love.
how to process emotions what if i want love.? i want love. what if this? happens? what if i get rejected? then i know we are resilient. we know these feelings are b/c i hated me. we know that we have each other at malesurivor. we know there are so many websites. we know that if we feel bad o alone...its not forever.
my anger is mine. my dad cant take me away. nobody cant take me. b nobody is here with me. so if i am afriad its b/c of me. i am me. we are not alone. we can and will help one another. if we are afriad , we are human. we can always support one another. this journey isnt easy. we can trust one another. we are here to look after each other. i thought i was perfect. i had to belive this. i had no body to share this. my mind went to disacciontat ion.
what if we all want to inspire others. how to know
our boundaries ? how much is too much? what about me? what
about my needs? can I turn off the compassion off? yes.
how can I turn this off? each person is different.
nobody cant do the work for me.
it isn't greedy to want love.
that s why you want bilie. you helped him. he helps her.
that's why you suck. and I wont I will survive.
I will. its rod. its hard. but I can / get there. its too hard. https://www.google.com/search?ei=2okVW5vzKIS0zwK6yY2oBg&q=how+to+iodolize+someone&oq=how+to+iodolize+someone&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i22i30k1l2.61879.607896.0.608232.900.504.23.2.3.0.284.23763.63j115j13.191.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..685.105.12293...0j33i22i29i30k1j33i21k1j33i160k1j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i131i10k1j0i10k1j0i131i67k1j0i22i10i30k1j0i13k1.0.3uTY9vWldRs
dont need to eat
when i cant think. my mind quickly pictures a certain food. as;ldkjf;sdakfjsdf; ;lkasdjf lonley. asshole. selfish prick. enjoy your crappy life.
https://www.google.com/search?ei=2okVW5vzKIS0zwK6yY2oBg&q=how+to+iodolize+someone&oq=how+to+iodolize+someone&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i22i30k1l2.61879.607896.0.608232.900.504.23.2.3.0.284.23763.63j115j13.191.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..685.105.12293...0j33i22i29i30k1j33i21k1j33i160k1j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i131i10k1j0i10k1j0i131i67k1j0i22i10i30k1j0i13k1.0.3uTY9vWldRs
I want to look like a guy is hwy I am hurriey. I know that w everyone know I like guys. so I hurry and shove food down my throat. I need a dad. I need a add dad.
at least it nice outside i can listen to music my friend is my brain.
rage. feel the rage. punching the pillow wasnt enough for me. i would rather punch walls. but that could get expensive. but padded gloves , punching concrete worked. still have to be careful not to hurt yourself. and the feeling i avoided feeling was lonileness. i thought i was shit. i reall did. the more i was aware of my feelings if i was avoiding the more i was encouraged to feel them. not all at once. but just a little bit at at time. that i . get in touch more of reality. that others are not feeling my emotions nor should they. i was robbed from an identity. i am claiming it mine now. which is worth the wait. guys here at malesurivor have helped me grow up. among alongside my primal friends. i should take a breat andbreake and go out.
she was sick. i had to hate. i dont kow if i will ever date. but i dont have to. which is enough. dont need to laugh at anyone. i can care.. i can trust. i can worry. i can live. i dont need him. its sad he had a shitty upbringing. he valued his needs didnt care about me. thats why so manyof them ar shit!!
have to listen toe .m noe
trying to be. what if i am trying to be ...too friendly...these people shouldnt feel awkward or alone . i am i cant be
thought it would be easier.
i get it nobody needs me. if someone needs me i should learn to be there for them. i cant take and take i have to learn to let go. i cant have them. maybe they needed me when i was little and i had to do the work b/c they couldnt. true or not helps my psyche.
that's why you suck. and I wont I will survive.
I will. its rod. its hard. but I can / get there. its too hard. https://www.google.com/search?ei=2okVW5vzKIS0zwK6yY2oBg&q=how+to+iodolize+someone&oq=how+to+iodolize+someone&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i22i30k1l2.61879.607896.0.608232.900.504.23.2.3.0.284.23763.63j115j13.191.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..685.105.12293...0j33i22i29i30k1j33i21k1j33i160k1j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i131i10k1j0i10k1j0i131i67k1j0i22i10i30k1j0i13k1.0.3uTY9vWldRs
dont need to eat
when i cant think. my mind quickly pictures a certain food. as;ldkjf;sdakfjsdf; ;lkasdjf lonley. asshole. selfish prick. enjoy your crappy life.
https://www.google.com/search?ei=2okVW5vzKIS0zwK6yY2oBg&q=how+to+iodolize+someone&oq=how+to+iodolize+someone&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i22i30k1l2.61879.607896.0.608232.900.504.23.2.3.0.284.23763.63j115j13.191.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..685.105.12293...0j33i22i29i30k1j33i21k1j33i160k1j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i131i10k1j0i10k1j0i131i67k1j0i22i10i30k1j0i13k1.0.3uTY9vWldRs
I want to look like a guy is hwy I am hurriey. I know that w everyone know I like guys. so I hurry and shove food down my throat. I need a dad. I need a add dad.
at least it nice outside i can listen to music my friend is my brain.
rage. feel the rage. punching the pillow wasnt enough for me. i would rather punch walls. but that could get expensive. but padded gloves , punching concrete worked. still have to be careful not to hurt yourself. and the feeling i avoided feeling was lonileness. i thought i was shit. i reall did. the more i was aware of my feelings if i was avoiding the more i was encouraged to feel them. not all at once. but just a little bit at at time. that i . get in touch more of reality. that others are not feeling my emotions nor should they. i was robbed from an identity. i am claiming it mine now. which is worth the wait. guys here at malesurivor have helped me grow up. among alongside my primal friends. i should take a breat andbreake and go out.
she was sick. i had to hate. i dont kow if i will ever date. but i dont have to. which is enough. dont need to laugh at anyone. i can care.. i can trust. i can worry. i can live. i dont need him. its sad he had a shitty upbringing. he valued his needs didnt care about me. thats why so manyof them ar shit!!
have to listen toe .m noe
trying to be. what if i am trying to be ...too friendly...these people shouldnt feel awkward or alone . i am i cant be
thought it would be easier.
i get it nobody needs me. if someone needs me i should learn to be there for them. i cant take and take i have to learn to let go. i cant have them. maybe they needed me when i was little and i had to do the work b/c they couldnt. true or not helps my psyche.
sorry for this I hope it doesn't offend anyone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G55vOGFB5JM
please tell me I m okay.
please god tell me I did the right thing.
please hug me cn towner.
please tell the to stay. tell them they will be fine.
I don't know who to thae. to . say thigs. I wanted me
my don't want them. say this. sugar . say this and you get to
eat this. tell your mom is gay. teelll your mom you re gay.
tell her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to. I will lose everyone. I lost stahen. I don't
want them. don't want to. I don't want to have sex.
I am scared. b/c gay community helped raise me
please help me to not want a lot from this town.
please don't want to. but I want to feel that love.
how to learn how to live. how to survive. how. how to not
fuck up????? !!!!!! please show me what a guy is supposed to be. please touch me cn towner. touch me and don't have sex
with me. please let me cry. don't tell me I am going to die.
tell me that I am nice. tell me the world deserves me.
tell me that I cant t o. this. I don't want the place where
I live. but I don't want to move. god please help me.
I am good. b I know they want them. I know they want her.
I am alive. that iam alive. is good. but I am scared. who
to talk to. what do I do? whom do I share. I don't know
what it is to be a guy? I am scared. I am scared of watching my self fall. I ekdslk;j dlk;talkj;t sadklj;t
xoxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G55vOGFB5JM
please tell me I m okay.
please god tell me I did the right thing.
please hug me cn towner.
please tell the to stay. tell them they will be fine.
I don't know who to thae. to . say thigs. I wanted me
my don't want them. say this. sugar . say this and you get to
eat this. tell your mom is gay. teelll your mom you re gay.
tell her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to. I will lose everyone. I lost stahen. I don't
want them. don't want to. I don't want to have sex.
I am scared. b/c gay community helped raise me
please help me to not want a lot from this town.
please don't want to. but I want to feel that love.
how to learn how to live. how to survive. how. how to not
fuck up????? !!!!!! please show me what a guy is supposed to be. please touch me cn towner. touch me and don't have sex
with me. please let me cry. don't tell me I am going to die.
tell me that I am nice. tell me the world deserves me.
tell me that I cant t o. this. I don't want the place where
I live. but I don't want to move. god please help me.
I am good. b I know they want them. I know they want her.
I am alive. that iam alive. is good. but I am scared. who
to talk to. what do I do? whom do I share. I don't know
what it is to be a guy? I am scared. I am scared of watching my self fall. I ekdslk;j dlk;talkj;t sadklj;t
xoxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
dsf;lkj james hi , buddy. I don't know who. my dad is. what d yea. I don't make anyhone anxious.i am so tiered. I am lonely but. I am good. I really don't need too much right now. I am alone. but not too much. I just don't understand why this is. I cant do this. she fucked up. she wont be my mom. oh everone wants to. too bad. ls;kdafdlkj; sd;lfkj
sdafkslajdf asdfl;kjas t they want you billie.
go home to them. I hope you r happy. I do.
d dint oatn shit latneu. I don't. fuc you.
fuck shawn fuck landlored. fuck em! you cant fuck emny . me lk;sdfj;lkdj noce goodbye kids.
asdf;j move towra now. sdl;kfj
sdafkslajdf asdfl;kjas t they want you billie.
go home to them. I hope you r happy. I do.
d dint oatn shit latneu. I don't. fuc you.
fuck shawn fuck landlored. fuck em! you cant fuck emny . me lk;sdfj;lkdj noce goodbye kids.
asdf;j move towra now. sdl;kfj
https://www.google.ca/search?q=how+to+inspire+myself+not+ruin+it+for+me&oq=how+to+inspire+myself+not+ruin+it+for+me&aqs=chrome..69i57.6832j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh779xptxP8
be honest i dont like men. but i need love. i need them. i need my dad i need my cousins. i need them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh779xptxP8
be honest i dont like men. but i need love. i need them. i need my dad i need my cousins. i need them.
I have no idea how to do this.
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
for me...when I see the word trigger I read anyway.
just means to take precaution. so I don't trigger others
or that I need to be aware that I can be triggered asshole!!
and nobody.;slkdfjdsa;lfkj dsalkf;
oh can I touch your ass?
did you just ask if you can touch my ass?
(nod , looking innocent.)
Im good thanks!
just want to have more experiences w/ men.
yes. I but I am getting the offers. I do. and turn they away
don't want to have sex. but need it.
sadflkjdsf;lka yoiuy dsf;lkjsafd
df;lkajsf;lkj fsa;lkjfa;lkjfa;lkjaf
afa;lkjfa;lkf
just want this done with!
fdskdsfa;l sad;lkj ds;lkfjsfd;l fdsa;lkj
no. I dsf;lk dsaf;lkjfd df
rejection feels horrible!
asdf;lkj dsaf;lkj thing is. I have done that.
I have. I have done that. I would flirt
and don't do anymore. I would.
then I would give the . answer. " don't want sex. but
want attention.
I cant do fuck all! ;lakdsjdf ;lkajfd dsa;lkjf
dsafd;lk they got in me. sda;lkjdf ;lkdsa
live in a new place. which is great.
only takes 1 1/2 commuting downtown.
dsaf;lk dfdo you want james what?
love. but I am suicidal. I do. have this shit
this is why I don't want to provide love to guys or for guys
b/c I don't know if I can commit. I don't know how to care
I don't! I want to. ds;okfjsa;lfdjf fdsaf;lkjdf
this jsdfakj I cant think. I was saying to myself last
night I wish I had died when I was a kid.
maybe karma may come to me for that.
fuck. I cant live like t his.
don't know what happened. little snippets. cried
I was terrified. I feel I cant talk
this is shit. ;salkdjf;dalk fd;lsakjfd
im lonely. I sad;lkjf I talk. I need to get this out
I hate pretending. obv. I like guys.
sa;lkdjfds o df;lkajf don't know why.
I don't want to push. I am wanting that connection
wanting if . if it is
OSR
SO0RRY
SORRY
SORRY
SORRY.
GIVING fellatio. n. I wanted to write fellation.
affection. ineed love, security. protection
safety. this loser c hsok sdflkjdsa
kis sad;lkjds kisses me you don't kiss kids like that.
a couple more of my friends passed away in the last month
fuck. I didn't see them in ten years. I feel terrible
I want things to be easy. and then I procrastinate.
a;lkjfds;lkjs sadlkf;j
terrified. don't like being alone.
sometimes I do. I am lonely. I don't want to come desperate
to another guy. I don't know
what do I say? I was abused. don't think that is needed.
I need love. can I do this w/ you.
Absolutley not!
why?
b/c you are a ;lkdsajfa growing up.
I am not the father you want / need.
you need ;ldsakjfsalkf af;l ;lkj
also I should say that when going to certain bars
there so many hot men , it burns my eyes.
dsa;lkjdf;lkj got got to enegt oyuy out.
;lkjdf ;lkdsaj don't want to be homophobic
I hate this.
sorry. just want help . ;ldsakjf
asdf;lkfdskl
thanks for this website.
j
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
for me...when I see the word trigger I read anyway.
just means to take precaution. so I don't trigger others
or that I need to be aware that I can be triggered asshole!!
and nobody.;slkdfjdsa;lfkj dsalkf;
oh can I touch your ass?
did you just ask if you can touch my ass?
(nod , looking innocent.)
Im good thanks!
just want to have more experiences w/ men.
yes. I but I am getting the offers. I do. and turn they away
don't want to have sex. but need it.
sadflkjdsf;lka yoiuy dsf;lkjsafd
df;lkajsf;lkj fsa;lkjfa;lkjfa;lkjaf
afa;lkjfa;lkf
just want this done with!
fdskdsfa;l sad;lkj ds;lkfjsfd;l fdsa;lkj
no. I dsf;lk dsaf;lkjfd df
rejection feels horrible!
asdf;lkj dsaf;lkj thing is. I have done that.
I have. I have done that. I would flirt
and don't do anymore. I would.
then I would give the . answer. " don't want sex. but
want attention.
I cant do fuck all! ;lakdsjdf ;lkajfd dsa;lkjf
dsafd;lk they got in me. sda;lkjdf ;lkdsa
live in a new place. which is great.
only takes 1 1/2 commuting downtown.
dsaf;lk dfdo you want james what?
love. but I am suicidal. I do. have this shit
this is why I don't want to provide love to guys or for guys
b/c I don't know if I can commit. I don't know how to care
I don't! I want to. ds;okfjsa;lfdjf fdsaf;lkjdf
this jsdfakj I cant think. I was saying to myself last
night I wish I had died when I was a kid.
maybe karma may come to me for that.
fuck. I cant live like t his.
don't know what happened. little snippets. cried
I was terrified. I feel I cant talk
this is shit. ;salkdjf;dalk fd;lsakjfd
im lonely. I sad;lkjf I talk. I need to get this out
I hate pretending. obv. I like guys.
sa;lkdjfds o df;lkajf don't know why.
I don't want to push. I am wanting that connection
wanting if . if it is
OSR
SO0RRY
SORRY
SORRY
SORRY.
GIVING fellatio. n. I wanted to write fellation.
affection. ineed love, security. protection
safety. this loser c hsok sdflkjdsa
kis sad;lkjds kisses me you don't kiss kids like that.
a couple more of my friends passed away in the last month
fuck. I didn't see them in ten years. I feel terrible
I want things to be easy. and then I procrastinate.
a;lkjfds;lkjs sadlkf;j
terrified. don't like being alone.
sometimes I do. I am lonely. I don't want to come desperate
to another guy. I don't know
what do I say? I was abused. don't think that is needed.
I need love. can I do this w/ you.
Absolutley not!
why?
b/c you are a ;lkdsajfa growing up.
I am not the father you want / need.
you need ;ldsakjfsalkf af;l ;lkj
also I should say that when going to certain bars
there so many hot men , it burns my eyes.
dsa;lkjdf;lkj got got to enegt oyuy out.
;lkjdf ;lkdsaj don't want to be homophobic
I hate this.
sorry. just want help . ;ldsakjf
asdf;lkfdskl
thanks for this website.
j
hey rob.
here's my number. ( he gave me his)
faskdljf;lkfj said stuff thru texting
did a few more.
then I went back to the same bar last night to sing karaoke
he was there.
we talked .
( " why cant I have sex w/ this guy , what the fuck.
he is hot. ads;flkjsdf;lkjsd;fld -this is in my head of course)
I hate this I need music.
I sld;kfjlsa;dkfj
I feel anger. I don't like me hate this.
I cant screw anyone else . I cant do this.
I feel like killing myself.
anyway.
so. then later I
this IS ALL TRIGGERING I AM SO SORRY. I REALLY
AM I JUST DONT KNOW IF THIS CAN HELP.
ASDLKFJA;LSKDFJ SADLK;FJ
I love guys. ( I what else did I say ?)
I love giving bj's.
this was so embarrassing.
and then .
he said he dated or had sex w/ straight guys.
I was angry. I didn't show him my feelings
I said " you think I am straight." ?
(this is a gay bar.)
anyway\
sdklf;j sd; I felt crappy!!!!!!!!!
I didn't ask for whatever.
but his masculinity, s;lakdfj my mom ( cousins mom)
didn't like me at all.
its hard to get this out.
and I afraid of thinking that I know more than anyone
which is bullshit. I hate these feelings.
I hate wanting things. don't know if I deserve
but there were beautiful women there
one woman looked like Kirsten dunst . blond and more attractive
head to toe.
so what you like women? a;lsdkjfsfkl;
I knowi am better than everyone.
I hate that cunt who did this . they suck. my mom sucks
my birthday is tomorrow I don't know if I want her to call.
;asldkfj sl;adkjf I want mommy. I want mommy.
shit loser. he used me for everything.
I hate this. I am very grateful who read this crap.
time is wasting I still let myself get angry.
I have a beautiful like. life.
I hafve to find a way to run. turn off.
so I went to go sing abba's "does your mother know"
I change the pronouns b/c I am trying to get this out.
but do anyone in the bar care?
nooooo. why b/c my sperm donor should have
" you are not to go back to your cousin's place".
"you are not a girl". nobody should dress you as a girl."
"this is your mother not that one." and don't listen to your
mom. this last sentence was bio-father sister -in -law voice
when I was over. but the previous statements is what my bio dad
should have done.
and I am alone. I choose to
why James? b/c nobody should be my friend.
nobody deserves to be my friend
that is why I die or kill. no inbetween right cousin? yea.
and that is why nobody can like me.
I am exactly what they want. kill me beat me use me and love
me.
fuck me repeat.!!
the first line of the song was ...
"You're so hot, teasing me
So you're blue
but I can't take a chance on a chick like you"
What I did ( and wasn't aware of the this)
I changed chick to dude .
This attractive guy , who didn't even look at me last week
he didn't ask me for my phone number. he didn't flirt
he didn't do anything.
I did this. and I think he walked away , I think.
I look stupid. this is who I am , dumb.
for now.
fuck. sa;ldkfjsdlk;f its comng to better place.
Thanks. for letting me blow.
here's my number. ( he gave me his)
faskdljf;lkfj said stuff thru texting
did a few more.
then I went back to the same bar last night to sing karaoke
he was there.
we talked .
( " why cant I have sex w/ this guy , what the fuck.
he is hot. ads;flkjsdf;lkjsd;fld -this is in my head of course)
I hate this I need music.
I sld;kfjlsa;dkfj
I feel anger. I don't like me hate this.
I cant screw anyone else . I cant do this.
I feel like killing myself.
anyway.
so. then later I
this IS ALL TRIGGERING I AM SO SORRY. I REALLY
AM I JUST DONT KNOW IF THIS CAN HELP.
ASDLKFJA;LSKDFJ SADLK;FJ
I love guys. ( I what else did I say ?)
I love giving bj's.
this was so embarrassing.
and then .
he said he dated or had sex w/ straight guys.
I was angry. I didn't show him my feelings
I said " you think I am straight." ?
(this is a gay bar.)
anyway\
sdklf;j sd; I felt crappy!!!!!!!!!
I didn't ask for whatever.
but his masculinity, s;lakdfj my mom ( cousins mom)
didn't like me at all.
its hard to get this out.
and I afraid of thinking that I know more than anyone
which is bullshit. I hate these feelings.
I hate wanting things. don't know if I deserve
but there were beautiful women there
one woman looked like Kirsten dunst . blond and more attractive
head to toe.
so what you like women? a;lsdkjfsfkl;
I knowi am better than everyone.
I hate that cunt who did this . they suck. my mom sucks
my birthday is tomorrow I don't know if I want her to call.
;asldkfj sl;adkjf I want mommy. I want mommy.
shit loser. he used me for everything.
I hate this. I am very grateful who read this crap.
time is wasting I still let myself get angry.
I have a beautiful like. life.
I hafve to find a way to run. turn off.
so I went to go sing abba's "does your mother know"
I change the pronouns b/c I am trying to get this out.
but do anyone in the bar care?
nooooo. why b/c my sperm donor should have
" you are not to go back to your cousin's place".
"you are not a girl". nobody should dress you as a girl."
"this is your mother not that one." and don't listen to your
mom. this last sentence was bio-father sister -in -law voice
when I was over. but the previous statements is what my bio dad
should have done.
and I am alone. I choose to
why James? b/c nobody should be my friend.
nobody deserves to be my friend
that is why I die or kill. no inbetween right cousin? yea.
and that is why nobody can like me.
I am exactly what they want. kill me beat me use me and love
me.
fuck me repeat.!!
the first line of the song was ...
"You're so hot, teasing me
So you're blue
but I can't take a chance on a chick like you"
What I did ( and wasn't aware of the this)
I changed chick to dude .
This attractive guy , who didn't even look at me last week
he didn't ask me for my phone number. he didn't flirt
he didn't do anything.
I did this. and I think he walked away , I think.
I look stupid. this is who I am , dumb.
for now.
fuck. sa;ldkfjsdlk;f its comng to better place.
Thanks. for letting me blow.
https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=S1xKW4LpKYrr_AbiwKSQDQ&q=what+if+i+dont+want+to+be+needed&oq=what+if+i+dont+want+to+be+needed&gs_l=psy-ab.3...418.4147.0.4481.32.28.0.0.0.0.223.3517.3j20j3.26.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..6.25.3295...0j0i131k1j0i3k1j0i10k1j0i8i13i30k1j0i8i13i10i30k1j33i22i29i30k1.0.qZ5GZ0oTRu4
they didn't call.
how does this feel?
anger. but that is what I wanted.
so. it was good.
just get to ge;lkj fanger
sda;llj don't want him.
I am scared. ;lkdsj I need love. but.
;lkdsj close my eeys.
he isn't here. its sad he wants to feel loved.
why do they get to have everything?
but. what if I this can bring t good to everyone ? what
I fi can d o good.
fuck em! let them have them.
what if it were. " pay attention my name is james
I have all the answers."
the venue is filling up:
everyione need me. .
this is my visual.
have to learn more words. f'n patience.
I HATE THIS!. I its s hard I need to be held.
I s didn't have that. why do they love their parents and hate their kids. this idionts.
grred. I know I want love. ;lkjds
breathe. life is good. can be worse.
I can I can read I can talk. I can feel I can eat
don't like that one.
but. why ned friend
thise suck everything from me. assholes!
what helps I try not to distract myself.
I my mind says listen to this video
and I will watch to different songs at the same time
why?
so my thinking gets to a level , understanding
what my need is.
such as love.
I know I cant have it all. I cant be the one person
everyone runs to.
lkdsj sad bozna isn't here. n obody
she needed me. they would have so died!
sdf why do t I don't know. sometimes I want to get high.
s;lkd s;lkfd kevin hart is awesome. thanks foryour book.
I need me. I need my thoughts. they wol always
. I need laughter. I need this. love. freak.
I am. and all of us are different.
I just need to talk. he scared me.
he kept telling me how I ma am going to kill
get out of my car fag!
dsf I am lucky.
this guy bob. ;ldsak I lv omen. d careful
I cant be that guy.
check it out. guy in the corner. his name is james
n needs sex. he needs sex. we know.
(kinda wishful thinking)
you want attention james.
guys need their dignity. they cant just let me touch
their
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
really? was it necessary to type trigger? asshole
touch e their junk.
what if I killed myself. then some will miss me
a some will. live in. on this my thi mb brain.
my mind isn't that special
this is hard shit. yea.
;ksd s;ldkf;lkjds children. helping .
my mind. isn't perfect.
sd;lkfkjf sd;lkf what if I get others mental?
don't want this.. my mind went to food suddenly.
where were you guys? parents.
;lkds ;lkds ds f;lkds;lkjds
step 1. fuck em.
step 2. repeat.
step 3 fuck. em. ;lkdsajf ds;lkfjdsfdsa
fdaflk;daj;lkdsa;lkfdsjafdsajfdslkjdsafs
adfalkf;lkfds ds klj jesus. help.
selfish ot erh haeve tei their purpose. like this
s;dlkf
they didn't call.
how does this feel?
anger. but that is what I wanted.
so. it was good.
just get to ge;lkj fanger
sda;llj don't want him.
I am scared. ;lkdsj I need love. but.
;lkdsj close my eeys.
he isn't here. its sad he wants to feel loved.
why do they get to have everything?
but. what if I this can bring t good to everyone ? what
I fi can d o good.
fuck em! let them have them.
what if it were. " pay attention my name is james
I have all the answers."
the venue is filling up:
everyione need me. .
this is my visual.
have to learn more words. f'n patience.
I HATE THIS!. I its s hard I need to be held.
I s didn't have that. why do they love their parents and hate their kids. this idionts.
grred. I know I want love. ;lkjds
breathe. life is good. can be worse.
I can I can read I can talk. I can feel I can eat
don't like that one.
but. why ned friend
thise suck everything from me. assholes!
what helps I try not to distract myself.
I my mind says listen to this video
and I will watch to different songs at the same time
why?
so my thinking gets to a level , understanding
what my need is.
such as love.
I know I cant have it all. I cant be the one person
everyone runs to.
lkdsj sad bozna isn't here. n obody
she needed me. they would have so died!
sdf why do t I don't know. sometimes I want to get high.
s;lkd s;lkfd kevin hart is awesome. thanks foryour book.
I need me. I need my thoughts. they wol always
. I need laughter. I need this. love. freak.
I am. and all of us are different.
I just need to talk. he scared me.
he kept telling me how I ma am going to kill
get out of my car fag!
dsf I am lucky.
this guy bob. ;ldsak I lv omen. d careful
I cant be that guy.
check it out. guy in the corner. his name is james
n needs sex. he needs sex. we know.
(kinda wishful thinking)
you want attention james.
guys need their dignity. they cant just let me touch
their
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
really? was it necessary to type trigger? asshole
touch e their junk.
what if I killed myself. then some will miss me
a some will. live in. on this my thi mb brain.
my mind isn't that special
this is hard shit. yea.
;ksd s;ldkf;lkjds children. helping .
my mind. isn't perfect.
sd;lkfkjf sd;lkf what if I get others mental?
don't want this.. my mind went to food suddenly.
where were you guys? parents.
;lkds ;lkds ds f;lkds;lkjds
step 1. fuck em.
step 2. repeat.
step 3 fuck. em. ;lkdsajf ds;lkfjdsfdsa
fdaflk;daj;lkdsa;lkfdsjafdsajfdslkjdsafs
adfalkf;lkfds ds klj jesus. help.
selfish ot erh haeve tei their purpose. like this
s;dlkf
I have these ideas. I know iop ope oprah
I wish I had some tsutt. I don't know if I should
go back to that bar.
I just . just wanted . that guy did nothing.
how do I apoligoize. ?
asd fd f what did I do?
I gave him my number weeks ago
he gave me his.
men who are into men with no problems get it.
I do nt fit iw t this.
I pushed him and he didn't even ask.
get over it.
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
I want love. so I do this my way.
but. thing I cant get another guy to feel my pain.
rob didn't want me. he didn't.
I was taught that I have alllll the answers.
that everyone needs me. or some .
that is why I couldn't have friends as a kid.
who would?
why should someone like me? I wasn't likeable
I was sick. and no parent did anything.
I thought I had it all.
its good I got thru it.
but I struggle with that I have no money.
I am broke for a week.
I wanted to see my mom at a fest . but I don't want the
guy to die or hate. but. he is sick
who?
bio-dad.
sa;lkdf asd;lkasd;lkfj asd;ljf
I am just hanging on.
sad;lkfj asl;dkfj klj don't know what I am gonna
do.
thing I hate . I can I can ah hate . don't want that
I don't want to be anything like that
but thing is I don't know where else to g take this out.
I don't harm anyone.
I just try to feell I spelled fell. maybe I fell a lot
young days.
he liked my cousin more. and I cant tl let this go
"oh you are just dumb." " you are nobody".
I get it how guys have a really hard time if they had a accepting yourself is hard.
I get confused. " I have never slept iw with a emo woman.
I have rarely , rarely whacked off to women.
so I am gay? ! nobody will fix this.
I cant change that I like guys
yet I never pick any guys up.
never! I don't know if I should stop going to a gay bar.
not kidding. people see I am different. we all are different
they kiss one another , they flirt , and they should
but. for me. its differnent. I
compliment guys to make others feel a good.
inadequate about . I had no reason to live
that is true.
I couldn't talk. and that . thing I got lucky
with a group. I get angry. they don't see it
I do. I b ? Y?
I am dumb. these fuckers. my mom doesn't want to know
but then "why , why does he not visit? "
your dumb bio dad. you are!!!! and fuck I am putting others
thgur shit. they don't s dserve this
I had to believe that my cousin was like god.
e she only is good. nobody else can be like her
fuckin cunt of her mother. I rember I had to hit my mom
b put her down. this wh y I dotn cry yet.
as;ldfj f;lkjdf aflk;jdf al;fja f;lkjflad;kfja
s;dfkljasdf;l wishing to help others can fuck it up.
I cant save anyone.
yeah things is nobody james is asking anything nobody.
nobody can care about me. .... not true.
you shitty people you really do.
I thank ipa and ms for really letting me get rich of you.
you like your mom good. you don't deserve to have kids
I would love to cut your nuts off, serioiulsy!
I hate that I go w/ das saying I am not this or that
ting I don't know who to say Hey can I have you come home?
can daddy come home? these guys are my dad.
but I still want sex. I ckeep saying stuff.
its not bad. had one reaction.
guys eye contact. really. if my eyes move away. I cant
have that love. or whatvef I needed when I was 1.
this is fucking heavy. I don't know what to do mostly for money
I am fucked. he wanted me to need him. you tell your mom I she
is this not mine. you changed her. all ,. and they want me to hate her. and I cant even speen d d sd;lkjadfjklf;
spend . love. sa;dlkfj as;ldfjk I need money
we all need money james. smack youesrfl. up.
askld;fj flove is hard. wish everyone heals every way
and love and help each out sorry about this.
bilie can type.
what would like to tell the world bilie?
oh how nobody can ever know the demon in me.
my m om will hti hit you if you talk.
sadkljfal;sdkfj sadf;lksadfj I am them
I am sooooooooooooo jealous of guys who bond realle well w/
their brother.s
my fucking birthday dumb sibling cant email or text me.
my paretns fortgot who cares
I care. you di do this shit like this
then I don't care
we cant live a in a world where we don't care
Toronto has many areas about this.i
ia m learning. I am. I don't deserve more love thatn an anyone
else. I get it.
I getsdal;fjksdf
turning off.
sorry
thanks.
james
I wish I had some tsutt. I don't know if I should
go back to that bar.
I just . just wanted . that guy did nothing.
how do I apoligoize. ?
asd fd f what did I do?
I gave him my number weeks ago
he gave me his.
men who are into men with no problems get it.
I do nt fit iw t this.
I pushed him and he didn't even ask.
get over it.
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
I want love. so I do this my way.
but. thing I cant get another guy to feel my pain.
rob didn't want me. he didn't.
I was taught that I have alllll the answers.
that everyone needs me. or some .
that is why I couldn't have friends as a kid.
who would?
why should someone like me? I wasn't likeable
I was sick. and no parent did anything.
I thought I had it all.
its good I got thru it.
but I struggle with that I have no money.
I am broke for a week.
I wanted to see my mom at a fest . but I don't want the
guy to die or hate. but. he is sick
who?
bio-dad.
sa;lkdf asd;lkasd;lkfj asd;ljf
I am just hanging on.
sad;lkfj asl;dkfj klj don't know what I am gonna
do.
thing I hate . I can I can ah hate . don't want that
I don't want to be anything like that
but thing is I don't know where else to g take this out.
I don't harm anyone.
I just try to feell I spelled fell. maybe I fell a lot
young days.
he liked my cousin more. and I cant tl let this go
"oh you are just dumb." " you are nobody".
I get it how guys have a really hard time if they had a accepting yourself is hard.
I get confused. " I have never slept iw with a emo woman.
I have rarely , rarely whacked off to women.
so I am gay? ! nobody will fix this.
I cant change that I like guys
yet I never pick any guys up.
never! I don't know if I should stop going to a gay bar.
not kidding. people see I am different. we all are different
they kiss one another , they flirt , and they should
but. for me. its differnent. I
compliment guys to make others feel a good.
inadequate about . I had no reason to live
that is true.
I couldn't talk. and that . thing I got lucky
with a group. I get angry. they don't see it
I do. I b ? Y?
I am dumb. these fuckers. my mom doesn't want to know
but then "why , why does he not visit? "
your dumb bio dad. you are!!!! and fuck I am putting others
thgur shit. they don't s dserve this
I had to believe that my cousin was like god.
e she only is good. nobody else can be like her
fuckin cunt of her mother. I rember I had to hit my mom
b put her down. this wh y I dotn cry yet.
as;ldfj f;lkjdf aflk;jdf al;fja f;lkjflad;kfja
s;dfkljasdf;l wishing to help others can fuck it up.
I cant save anyone.
yeah things is nobody james is asking anything nobody.
nobody can care about me. .... not true.
you shitty people you really do.
I thank ipa and ms for really letting me get rich of you.
you like your mom good. you don't deserve to have kids
I would love to cut your nuts off, serioiulsy!
I hate that I go w/ das saying I am not this or that
ting I don't know who to say Hey can I have you come home?
can daddy come home? these guys are my dad.
but I still want sex. I ckeep saying stuff.
its not bad. had one reaction.
guys eye contact. really. if my eyes move away. I cant
have that love. or whatvef I needed when I was 1.
this is fucking heavy. I don't know what to do mostly for money
I am fucked. he wanted me to need him. you tell your mom I she
is this not mine. you changed her. all ,. and they want me to hate her. and I cant even speen d d sd;lkjadfjklf;
spend . love. sa;dlkfj as;ldfjk I need money
we all need money james. smack youesrfl. up.
askld;fj flove is hard. wish everyone heals every way
and love and help each out sorry about this.
bilie can type.
what would like to tell the world bilie?
oh how nobody can ever know the demon in me.
my m om will hti hit you if you talk.
sadkljfal;sdkfj sadf;lksadfj I am them
I am sooooooooooooo jealous of guys who bond realle well w/
their brother.s
my fucking birthday dumb sibling cant email or text me.
my paretns fortgot who cares
I care. you di do this shit like this
then I don't care
we cant live a in a world where we don't care
Toronto has many areas about this.i
ia m learning. I am. I don't deserve more love thatn an anyone
else. I get it.
I getsdal;fjksdf
turning off.
sorry
thanks.
james
I can be bit much.
I had to understand everyone.
and b/c of them I had to . this belief that I was special.
I was realized. woke up (although I have gaining this insight more day after day)...
my landlord said to one of his dogs as I entered his house
"its only james". which felt needed.
I just have to focus on healing. and aware of this.
this landlord is soooooooooo awesome! and love every moment
that I am there.
but I still having to learn I have to wake up that money (for example) wont and shouldn't come to me easily!
Thanks.
...this video helped me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AE2j43LcR4
this video too was very moving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfzEAEMEyY
I had to understand everyone.
and b/c of them I had to . this belief that I was special.
I was realized. woke up (although I have gaining this insight more day after day)...
my landlord said to one of his dogs as I entered his house
"its only james". which felt needed.
I just have to focus on healing. and aware of this.
this landlord is soooooooooo awesome! and love every moment
that I am there.
but I still having to learn I have to wake up that money (for example) wont and shouldn't come to me easily!
Thanks.
...this video helped me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AE2j43LcR4
this video too was very moving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfzEAEMEyY
TRIGGERING
TRIGGERING
TRIGGERING
TRIGGERING
memroy of him hating me. taking me down . i remm my ass he hated me and raped me. did anyone samve me no. why?
THIS helpd me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7QL6hjeNDA
..this is probably my favorite motivational speech.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg_Q7KYWG1g
it got me crying . sorry.
i just want . love. move m forward.
no more.
i promise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOKyXaTsEwU
TRIGGERING
TRIGGERING
TRIGGERING
memroy of him hating me. taking me down . i remm my ass he hated me and raped me. did anyone samve me no. why?
THIS helpd me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7QL6hjeNDA
..this is probably my favorite motivational speech.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg_Q7KYWG1g
it got me crying . sorry.
i just want . love. move m forward.
no more.
i promise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOKyXaTsEwU
