I disclosed to my Auntie and cousins
Severe stammer
Registrant
I went to my Aunties house haven't been in years but she was the only one I really connected to when I was younger .
My cousins where visiting me over the last few months so I got on invite as ive moved back to were I was brought up .
I visited for 2 hours , she said something to me about her daughter my younger cousin who has severe mental problems , I heard a little off my older cousins she was out of control very angry , OCD violent out burst , anyway I find it difficult at the best of times to visit anyone but held my breath and I found the courage to tell her and my older cousin what ive had to live through , I laid it all on the table I left nothing unsaid I was angry but I wanted them to know the truth about my family abuse my Groomer and my reaction when I disclosed in my last Marriage she went white , looked shocked but fxck it why keep all my trauma in .
Since then ive heard nothing off my cousin and he ignores my text and emails to his girlfriend for him to contact me it feels like 5th Trauma , Secondary trauma was a living nightmare and trying to explain about my abuse and everyone turns there backs and ignores me.
Its like a cloak of shame that we cannot talk about what happened behind closed doors with her loving sister my mother beating the shit out of me and drowning me and humiliating me for years and such a loving step father , he was nothing but a big bully to me that to control me was violence and ridicule and my mother would be by his side joining in , I was fxcking trapped , my eldest sister raped me and would beat me , I found out in my 40s that she also preyed on my youngest sister but she hasn't the courage to disclose incase it causes a family feud , it breaks me heart because adult males don't suffer severe childhood abuse were I come from ,its met with disgust and your telling fxcking lies ,
Them who abused me are such loving caring Grandparents now and loving husband and he,s so funny ?
I'm left with the scars I'm left not seeing my children ive lost my home my business my friends and my trust in people is virtually non existent .
I was the only boy I had 5 sisters , my mother hated my father it was a very dysfunctional relationship fighting drinking , she always made out it was his fault and took her anger out on me when he left , I was the little stuttering bastard just like my father I was 7 or 8 , drowning me in the bath couldn't fxcking breath couldn't talk as I have a severe stammer ive had it since I could talk ,always ridiculed always made to feel like the unwanted son , living in my bedroom or on the streets , couldn't stand going to socialize down stairs , .
I'm 46 ive been to the top through sheer determination , been rich trained to kill , wouldn't back down in adulthood in fights and always won .
Been nailed to the cross for disclosing and I'm still being left in the dark because those who I have told haven't an ounce of sense or compassion to not look at the truth , to afraid to see reality and face the fxcking truth .
I haven't got anything anymore I don't work , I don't socialize I have a few understanding friends I'm getting the right help off a mental health team I'm not alone anymore ,
Ive got another 20 years on this earth to try to live a safe happy life and meeting other adult male survivors .
Ive got me cat that loves me , I go out on my own and the odd time have a meal or a visit off close friends .
People put blinkers on when it comes to adult male survivors and what trauma there childhood abuse causes in adult life .
I'm free from the small minded bastards and I'm in control now .
The Best Revenge is Survival
Take care
SS
My cousins where visiting me over the last few months so I got on invite as ive moved back to were I was brought up .
I visited for 2 hours , she said something to me about her daughter my younger cousin who has severe mental problems , I heard a little off my older cousins she was out of control very angry , OCD violent out burst , anyway I find it difficult at the best of times to visit anyone but held my breath and I found the courage to tell her and my older cousin what ive had to live through , I laid it all on the table I left nothing unsaid I was angry but I wanted them to know the truth about my family abuse my Groomer and my reaction when I disclosed in my last Marriage she went white , looked shocked but fxck it why keep all my trauma in .
Since then ive heard nothing off my cousin and he ignores my text and emails to his girlfriend for him to contact me it feels like 5th Trauma , Secondary trauma was a living nightmare and trying to explain about my abuse and everyone turns there backs and ignores me.
Its like a cloak of shame that we cannot talk about what happened behind closed doors with her loving sister my mother beating the shit out of me and drowning me and humiliating me for years and such a loving step father , he was nothing but a big bully to me that to control me was violence and ridicule and my mother would be by his side joining in , I was fxcking trapped , my eldest sister raped me and would beat me , I found out in my 40s that she also preyed on my youngest sister but she hasn't the courage to disclose incase it causes a family feud , it breaks me heart because adult males don't suffer severe childhood abuse were I come from ,its met with disgust and your telling fxcking lies ,
Them who abused me are such loving caring Grandparents now and loving husband and he,s so funny ?
I'm left with the scars I'm left not seeing my children ive lost my home my business my friends and my trust in people is virtually non existent .
I was the only boy I had 5 sisters , my mother hated my father it was a very dysfunctional relationship fighting drinking , she always made out it was his fault and took her anger out on me when he left , I was the little stuttering bastard just like my father I was 7 or 8 , drowning me in the bath couldn't fxcking breath couldn't talk as I have a severe stammer ive had it since I could talk ,always ridiculed always made to feel like the unwanted son , living in my bedroom or on the streets , couldn't stand going to socialize down stairs , .
I'm 46 ive been to the top through sheer determination , been rich trained to kill , wouldn't back down in adulthood in fights and always won .
Been nailed to the cross for disclosing and I'm still being left in the dark because those who I have told haven't an ounce of sense or compassion to not look at the truth , to afraid to see reality and face the fxcking truth .
I haven't got anything anymore I don't work , I don't socialize I have a few understanding friends I'm getting the right help off a mental health team I'm not alone anymore ,
Ive got another 20 years on this earth to try to live a safe happy life and meeting other adult male survivors .
Ive got me cat that loves me , I go out on my own and the odd time have a meal or a visit off close friends .
People put blinkers on when it comes to adult male survivors and what trauma there childhood abuse causes in adult life .
I'm free from the small minded bastards and I'm in control now .
The Best Revenge is Survival
Take care
SS
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