I did it

[greenwizard]

The past week since coming on here and reading everyone's stories and struggles, and talking to my girlfriend about all kinds of things, it has caused me to do a lot of thinking about the thing I've been trying most days to forget about. The power my abuser still has over me has been brought up, and I decided to take some power back dammit!

There is one person, one good friend I have never told up until now. He is a police officer. You may wonder why he wasn't the first person I went running to. The answer is fear. If I told him and he didn't believe me I feared that would completely ruin any credibility I had with the police if I ever decided to go to them. If I told him and he did believe me I knew he would open a case. That seems like a good thing, but if it turned out I am just a crazy person, he would have stuck his neck out for me for nothing and damaged his good reputation. Yeah, so, a lot of fear and doubt there.

But today, after my adventure this morning with my girlfriend and things not being as horrible as I feared, I decided to take another big step. I called that friend when I knew he would be home from work and I told him everything. He believes me.

The only thing he's upset over is why I didn't tell him much sooner. I told him why, and he gets it. What he's going to do is bend the rules a bit. He's going to pretend he got an anonymous tip that she's involved in drug trafficking. That should give him cause to make her life unpleasant and give him a chance to probe into my drug theory without my name or any accusations coming into it. Then we'll see and go from there. Though he did warn me if the drug theory comes up dry actually pursuing anything will be incredibly difficult. If it was just alcohol in my system, and with my lack of memory, it will really look like just a case of bad judgment on my part. Still, I did something and took a step, right?

As far as therapy, I've got two options. If it would be easier talking to someone I know, his husband, a very good (and extremely pricey) therapist has offered to give me therapy free of charge as long as I don't tell anyone. If talking to him would be too weird because I know the guy, there is a rape victim counseling center ten minutes from my house actually that they often refer rape victims to. I had no clue. He doesn't know if they're actually any good, or if they charge anything, but he said if they do charge he is willing to pay for it because he knows I can't. Do I have two awesome friends or what?

 

[traveler]

Well done, greenwizard!

i hope you feel stronger and more in control for having told. just be sure that you don't make your future well-being dependent upon a favorable outcome of the police action. It is a victory to have overcome your fears and broken your silence - period!

let us know how things progress.

Lee

 

[greenwizard]

I have most definitely been on a roller-coaster today, but I think as the day is winding down I am in a better place. I was texting my girlfriend while she was on break. For being such a good boy in the bedroom this morning and for taking the giant step forward of going to my cop friend for help, I get a foot rub when she gets home before bed. I love foot rubs. The way she does them it's like I died and went to heaven.

 

[zookeeper]

Good Work
This is tough stuff but you can do it!
Your very proud friend
Zoo

 

[greenwizard]

My friend called today to see how I was doing and to assure me I have not been forgotten. He spent today finding out her name and doing the mind numbing paperwork. He said it will probably be a few days because the way he is going about things no lives are considered to be in danger. The proper forms were filled out, and now must be reviewed and signed off on by his boss and other high up people. We were talking about how it would be really nice if things actually worked the way they do on TV, but alas... There is a rule book thicker than a Catholic bible and all I's and T's must be crossed and dotted. He often complains about the paperwork associated with every little thing, especially discharging his weapon.

 

[i-m-Bri]

That is a huge, hard step to take!
Congratulations

 

[KMCINVA]

Greenwizard

Telling your friend I hope has given you a sense of being empowered against the abuse and abuser. Your friend is a true friend and has stood by you and your girlfriend seems to be a kind and supportive person. You will find most people are supportive and compassionate when you tell them of the abuse. Sadly, the naysayers, those that lack compassion and struggle with their own demons (the ones they deny like I did with the abuse) can impede the journey.

I do hope you find therapy helpful. Your concerns are valid, you need to feel comfortable and safe with whom you share your thoughts and fears. Only you will be able to determine the right situation. I wish you the best on this journey.

Keep us posted and you should be proud of yourself for all you are achieving.

Kevin

 

[greenwizard]

It really does feel good that I told a police officer, and something at least is being done. Since he is my friend and does understand my fears he is also keeping my name out of the investigation for now. If he doesn't come up with anything nobody has to know.

I did decide to do therapy with his husband. It might actually be easier for me to talk to someone I already know. Plus he is super nice. I really hate to feel like I am taking advantage of him again, but... I say again because they have helped us out financially before when we were really stuck. But I just called to set up an appointment with his assistant. The soonest she could get me in is Friday morning.

 

[Ceremony]

A need like this is very important. That friend will understand. I'm glad you're getting that help!

 

[greenwizard]

Just got the call. The search warrant came through today. I was kinda hoping they'd trash her house, but, they were looking for drugs so they took in their drug dog. They didn't find anything in her house. However, my friend was smart enough to wait and search her when she was leaving the bar with someone again. He said he pretty much knew he'd hit the jackpot when her male companion was quite obviously stoned to high heaven.

She was very haughty and resistant, but he found a baggy of powder in her purse. Her companion was taken to the hospital, and if his tox screen is anything to go by, the powder is GHB with some ecstasy mixed in. Now, because of the right to a speedy trial and all, I've got to make some hard decisions in a short time frame.

She is definitely going down for the drugs. Thing is, it's her first offense. My friend said her record up to now is squeaky except for a few speeding tickets. A lot will depend on how good her defense attorney is and the mood of the judge. But at most we're looking at a year in jail and a $5k fine. Also, he's going to talk to the man in the morning and see if he wants to press assault charges. That too depends, also on the DA. If he goes for an easy simple assault charge we're looking at a max of another 2 years in jail. But if the DA is really in an arguing and pushing mood, he can go for aggravated assault and argue that by giving this man the drugs she could have caused him serious bodily harm and was indifferent to that risk. Given her attitude during arrest and questioning that is not a far leap. He said she's like one of those extreme feminists that gives sane ones a bad name. She didn't know her companion's name, she didn't care. Men are only good for sex because toys don't cut it don't you know... Aggravated assault carries a 10 year sentence with a $25k fine.

I can be happy with this. She's on the radar now, and depending on how things go, she could be off the streets for 1-11 years. I can also come forward officially and file a sexual assault complaint. The drugs in her possession and the fact she admitted men are only good for sex, that looks really bad for her, so I've got a decent chance of being heard. On the downside, if whatever defense attorney she gets has half a brain I will be hammered if I go in and testify. I'll be asked why I waited so long to say anything. My entire sexual history will be dragged into it. Women really get put through the wringer, and he can't imagine it will be any easier for me.

Another option is to release the story to the local media. Since I am the victim I can ask that my name be kept out of it. She won't be so lucky. This will reveal what she is to the people around here, and it would also be a fishing expedition to get other victims to come forward. Obviously if we can get at least a few more to be brave enough to come forward than I look more credible. There's no doubt in either of our minds there are other victims out there, and sometimes all it takes is one person brave enough to step up first.

Anyway, I must process and sleep on all of this. It's like a giant weight lifted off me that I said something and she was caught red handed. The man she left with intending to do the same damn thing to has been spared because of me. That feels pretty good. What I'm going to do next I have no idea.

 

[Ceremony]

That is a good outcome if ever there were. Your role certainly did save that man. What a wonderful officer too. It has to be noted, I had a small doubt about how the officer would behave, and your story is one for the books. It's a story of a lot of importance in my view. Empowering greenwizard! Yes, the idea to get news media in on it seems a very good method to seek other victims. It's very likely! The confusion for most will be just like yours and like you, having to settle for it as a blackout or dig into the doubts. Your officer friend, is indeed!

I can imagine the confusion of any other without the resource of your friend? And too, some could be married and have that difficulty on top of it all. Yet, in reality, they were a victim of assault, malicious assault in that their health was put at such deep risk. Anyone could have a toxic reaction to such a drug mixture, she was playing with lives in a very malicious way! That she's on the radar is good. Your friend probably has advice about the media too?

Wow, Good!!

I'm not intending to downplay your thoughtful understanding of pushing forward with charges and the consequences of facing lawyers and judge. You're absolutely correct the systems flaw is re-victimizing!! I've not ignored that part.

 

[traveler]

Sounds like you have a lot to consider. i'm glad you are not alone in this. I am sure you will do the right thing - whatever you decide.

Lee

 

[greenwizard]

Ceremony, my friend has known me since the 6th Harry Potter book came out. Can't remember how long ago that was, but yeah... (Yes, we met at a local bookstore and bonded over Harry Potter) I may have been nervous in telling him, but he knows me well enough to have faith in me. And he is like a pit bull in protecting his friends, so yeah, he really went after her. I kind of wish he'd been able to keep that guy from getting drugged in the first place, but catching her in the act, that really was smart, and gives me a leg to stand on. At least the guy was taken right to the hospital to be watched for the night.

But as of this morning, the guy is awake and just as confused as I was. He has a very similar story, except for the fact he woke up in a hospital bed. This one is married, and on blood pressure medication. She could've killed him, so damn straight he is pressing assault charges. I guess the DA is in an arguing mood, because when he heard about the blood pressure medication he started filing for aggravated assault. She could've killed me too since I was on anxiety medication.

But I was talking things out with my girlfriend a little before bed, and some this morning while she was getting ready for work. While more victims would help me in court, I really don't think I want a media circus. Telling was just about me taking back some power and not cowering in the shadows anymore. I do think I want to complain though. It might do me a world of good to look her right in her evil bitch face and tell her what she did was really not okay. Plus, if convicted, that's another 20 years in prison and a $25k fine. On top of which, when she does finally get out her ass will be on the sex offender list which I hear carries a lot of headache with it. There may be countless other victims, but if I can nail her that will be a victory for all I guess? She will at least be punished.

And so, I must eat, shower, and take myself down to the police station. In order to do things properly I must go complain in person, and to an officer not my friend so nobody can argue bias. But he has assured me they will know I'm coming, and whoever gets assigned to me, he will make sure they take good care of me. I just wish my girlfriend didn't have to work so she could go with and hold my hand.

 

[greenwizard]

Well, that was nerve wracking. I had to go in and sit down and recount everything. At least the officer assigned to me seemed nice and listened to me and wrote everything down. He had to show me her picture so I could verify it was her, and I haven't seen her in a long time, and just looking at her picture was tough.

I should've eaten, but I was too nervous. So when I went to stand up when the interview was over I passed out from low blood sugar. Only thing really injured is my pride. They were really nice about it and gave me a doughnut and a soda and made me sit until I was okay.

They said I should be hearing from the DA's office in a few days. The DA himself is going to want to go over everything with me. The whole female sex offender is a first for all of them, but at least I'm not being laughed at like I was afraid I would be. Though I am beginning to wonder if I should've just kept my mouth shut. I had to tell my story to the officer, then I'll have to tell it many more times to the DA and in court...

My girlfriend says she is very proud of me even though every time I think about the enormity of what's going on makes my chest tight.

 

[manipulated]

You have taken back the power regardless of the outcome GW. So proud of your courage and strength. You should be too.

 

[greenwizard]

God, every time the phone rings I feel like I'm gonna throw up. It rings a lot because I have debt collectors on my ass. Anybody ever testify against their attacker that give me some advice here? I thought it would feel good, but since seeing her picture I'm a little freaked.

 

[Ceremony]

It's a tough road ahead if you choose to stay on it. You'll find as much support here as can be given... (((greenwizard)))

I've read all your posts about that perpetrator and understand your side of it.

 

[motmcd]

Congratulations, greenwizard!! You're on your way. Slow and easy wins the race.

 

[jas4159]

A very empowering post. i had similar reactions when i first started participating in these online forums.

keep up the good work.

rich

 

[greenwizard]

Therapy went well this morning. N was very nice, and despite our personal ties very professional. I guess he did decide to bill my insurance, but I have been assured I will not be billed for anything. He told me even though his services are being pretty much donated he's pretty sure the same ethics laws apply. He can't say squat about squat to anyone unless I sign a release paper or it falls under mandatory reporting laws. He also said his office was a very safe and non judgmental zone. I think maybe I was right, that was easier answering all those questions to someone I know. I still feel like he was judging me though. He may not be able to say anything, but the next time we hang out he's going to be thinking to himself I'm a real crazy freak.

Then I got home and got some lunch, and the DA wanted to chat. He too was really nice, but very honest. She's pleading guilty to the drug charge in exchange for a 6 month jail sentence. He kinda made me laugh when he said he could've tried that one drunk in his pj's and still gotten a conviction.

Her story for the other guy is that he took the drugs willingly and they were going back to her place to party. Given the guy was what my friend described a potted plant with a pulse, and she just had a little alcohol in her system he thinks he could ride a horse through the holes in that story. He's pretty confident.

Me on the other hand... It's been almost 2 years. Out of all the names I gave the officer of people who saw me leave with her, only one still remembers. I guess he saw me walk into the door frame and thought it was funny enough for it to still be in his memory. My friend I called to pick me up at the gas station in the morning still remembers that. So, they've got me at her house all night. That's it.

It's pretty common sense that when a woman takes a man home it's not for a philosophical debate, but... Her story is that she did not drug me. I got drunk and came on to her. But I'm an ugly loser, so I did not appeal to her. (heh, thanks...) She did however take pity on me and took me home with her because I was too drunk to remember where I lived and she didn't want me trying to drive. I passed out in her bed, she slept on the couch, nothing sexual ever happened. There is one hole in her story. If she was just being a good Samaritan as she claims, there were people at the bar who knew me and knew where I lived. She could've very easily asked someone if she wanted to give me a ride, or left me in the care of someone who knew me. There's also the question of why I woke up with no clothes on. That I do remember. Also, my habit of running a tab and paying with my debit card paid off. The bar people had to do a little digging, but the debit card receipt shows I only bought two drinks. I may be a lightweight for sure, but two jack and cokes is not enough to make me forget where I live and black out like that.

The DA said those are all little things. He's gotta tie me in with the drugged guy, kind of establishing a pattern. It's not impossible, but really not gonna be easy. The only suggestion that anything sexual happened is me waking up with no clothes. It has been suggested for me to go to a hypnotist to try and maybe coax out any memory that maybe is suppressed because it's too traumatic. My problem with that is if it was so traumatic that my mind just blanked it out do I want to remember? It would also be in a nearby town that I do not drive in because of anxiety. My cop friend has offered to get permission to take time from work to drive me. I just don't know.