I can't believe how ignorant I am

[Magellan]

I just learned this tonight:

I'm always reading about science and tech advances. And because of that, I come across information that startles me:

"Most people have the uncanny ability to stand among a group of people, many of whom are talking, and pick out the words that are being spoken by any given individual, at willour brains are somehow able to combine all the necessary ingredientspitch, tone, distance, etc. and perhaps most importantly, filtering, to allow us to process only the words being spoken by the person we are focusing our attention on."

Read more at: https://phys.org/news/2015-08-metamaterial-device-cocktail-party-problem.html#jCp

I had no idea that people have this ability.

43 year old man doesn't know this? How is it possible that I have grown up not knowing such simply profound things? this is not the first time I've been surprised and blindsided by what apparently everybody knows it's common knowledge.

it's experiences like these that lead me to believe that I'm stupid and will never be able to recover.

 

[Magellan]

it's also experiences like these that lead me to believe that I am undesirable, unlovable, and will never fall in love.

I'm too stupid to understand simple things. No one wants am idiot for a lover.

This is why I've been so lonely. I'm stupid.

 

[learning2remember]

Magellan,

I didn't know this either, and I think few of us do. I wonder how many of us have even thought of it.

Part of what makes this article interesting is that it is showing how complicated to replicate in a computer a skill that most of us did't even realise we had.

You are not stupid. I'm sorry you are lonely.

 

[dark empathy]

MAgellan I recognize the chain of logic.
"I do not know x, everyone knows x, everyone is better than me, I am stupid, nobody can love me etc etc"

For me it usually happens with random trivia.
Someone will say something about a recent film or a best actor or something and I'll be clueless, sinse after all I can't read magazines and newspapers, I can't read cinema credits, and of course it feels like my! fault.

Yet to be honest this chain of logic, from ignorance of a random fact to self disgust to generalized self condemnation is completely illogical. There is no earthly reason why knowing about audio processing, or who won the best actor award, or what else Ian Mckellan starred in besides starwars and Moulin rouge means anything whatsoever. Indeed following such logic is categorically a very faulty induction indeed.

This is one instance where you need to just recognize what is happening, exert some will power and say "that is what shadow! thinks, it is not true" (or whatever you call that part of yourself).

Also for the record,I'll say that I only knew this fact about filtering of audio processed information after I played an audio based computer game in 2010 that actually used it in it's design, prior to that point I had no idea about it either, so even the base assertion of your arguement that "everybody knows this" is, as Learning to remember said, simply factually false.

Luke.

 

[Magellan]

Thanks for your replies, guys.

I think the sentiment of my post got lost in my writing it.

I was horrified to find out that at my age, I am still finding out things about what it means to be human; things I'm missing out on, things I've never understood, or never even comprehended. Things that MOST OTHER PEOPLE SIMPLY TAKE FOR GRANTED WITHOUT GIVING IT A PASSING THOUGHT.

Your replies exemplified this. Please dont' take offense. This is my incredibly unique perspective of the world.

I was born with severe hearing loss. And over the years, I've been getting more and more information about just how severe it is. I have no idea what I'm missing out on, I have no idea what "normal hearing" is.

Hearing aids have helped tremendously; but in many situations they just fail.

My therapist seems to not believe me when I tell him social engagements are impossible. I can't hear people over the clatter of dozens of other people all talking at the same time.

To read this article made me realize that most people have this ability to single any person they want out of a crowd, and listen to what they're saying.

I had *NO* idea that this was even possible, meanwhile, everyone else is DOING this, and DOING IT WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT.

A whole cascade of realizations hit me like a tsunami about what kinds of social information people are working with when they network, socialize, and make friends with others. I am missing a *LOT* of this. How much? I will never know. I still stumble into realizations at this late age of my life about what I'm lacking.

A couple of years ago, another major realization hit me, which made me feel completely stupid and humiliated. The nature of romance. I don't know why it hit me the way it did, it was a voice in my head out of nowhere that said "Romance is born out of a desire for friendship with someone, of which sexual attraction is just a part." BAM. I had no idea what romance was before that. About a year after that, I began to see how little I even understood of what friendship entails, and what people experience emotionally when they're making friends with others. Consequentially, I have ZERO experience with romance, and am clueless about how to develop authentic and meaningful friendships.

What ELSE am I missing out on in life?

I don't think it's illogical to look at the SEVERE LACK in my life, the SEVERE LACK of information, INPUT, and SEVERE LACK of understanding of basic things that most everyone else just does, and to look at all of this severe lack, and come to the conclusion that I must be stupid. And stupidity is NOT attractive to the vast majority of people walking this planet. It's not illogical to conclude since I am stupid, I am unlovable. (Because of my stupidity, I"m CHRONICALLY Frustrated, which frequently means that I'm ANGRY. And *NO* one is attracted to someone who is both stupid AND angry. It's just sad and pathetic to be an angry, bitter, clueless, middle aged man.

It is no wonder why I can't meet anyone who wants to date me. It is no wonder why I can't click with anyone. It is no wonder why I don't have any intimacy in my life. I SIMPLY DON'T UNDERSTAND SO MANY THINGS, and the older I get, the more I realize: WHAT ELSE DO I NOT UNDERSTAND?

There is a REASON why I grew up believing I am autistic. It's because I keep getting punched by these realizations of how little I understand really basic things; things that most everyone else just takes for granted, and doesn't even have to think about.

Another large reason why I grew up believing I am autistic is because I carry my genetic father's genes. He was diagnosed as developmentally disabled when he was born.

There's too much evidence in my life pointing to a developmental disability. I can't recover from a developmental disability.

 

[AlexBoyd]

Magellan,

You are not stupid. A "stupid" person would not be able to write your previous post.

Now, for a little tough love: you are negative. I'm not judging you when I say that, just pointing out the general tone of your threads here at MS. If you want to get better and if you want people in your life, stop berating yourself and dwelling on negativity.

I challenge you to say one positive thing about yourself.

Alex

 

[Strive 38/11]

true as Alex

 

[smc1972]

Magellan,

I know how easy it is to beat yourself up as I do it to myself all the time and I don't have a disability such as hearing loss. You not alone in thinking you won't find true love, connect with others in a true emotional level or that you won't have a great future. I find myself telling myself I am a failure, I suck I have nothing in the future. I do try to stop myself when I do that and tell myself I am not this failure of a man. I struggle with life when I shouldent I know things could be harder for me.

I wish I knew an answer to give you to make you see yourself in the positive light you, me and everyone deserves. i know for me I am glad I have found support here in knowing I am not alone in this part of my life. Just know you are not alone and please try not to be hard on yourself.

Stephen

 

[DavidM-LT]

Hi guys...

Holy wow!! I mean, seriously... Holy heavens.
Magellan, seriously, I could have so written what you wrote. This isn't a joke. I even just happened to randomly click on this thread. I'm still stunned.

Personally, I agree with everyone. For some reassurance that you're so far from being alone in this, Magellan, I hope you'll read at least some of this.

Sorry in advance, I'm usually not too brief.

I don't have a hearing problem. At least not clinically. Hearing tests have always come out wonderfully. I've got the same issue in large crowds. If I was ever out to eat with a group of people, I had to sit in the middle of the grouped together tables, otherwise, I'd hear nothing. I'd just be the guy hanging at the end of the table being in my own little world.

I've got to strain way too much to get what's going on. Sometimes it makes me wonder if there ISN'T something wrong with me, because it happens in any language. Happens if I'm at some group thing where we're NOT sitting at a table, and I'm trying to talk to someone right in front of me. There comes a point where the ears/mind/whatever just seems to shut down because it's already worked so hard.

There always seems to be so much that others just happen to know. And me, I'm like: where, just where did you learn that? HOW did you learn that??

Magellan, you're attributing this to your hearing loss. Perhaps yes, but seriously, perhaps NO! Perhaps not!

Magellan, I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, or if it helps. I hope it does, I hope it helps.

Alex had a GREAT point, and it's one that someone very close to me says often: think of the positive!

It's hard... I'm right there with ya on that!
And Stephen, it's great to know that there's another too! Very, VERY comforting.

God bless!