I cannot shake the "SAD" feelings today. 2014-5-2

I cannot shake the "SAD" feelings today. 2014-5-2
I Thrive

I Thrive

Today is the 40th anniversary of the rape that brought me into the CSA world. I am finding it difficult to hold back the tears. Worse still I have to today, I am on duty in dispatch. I am profoundly sad. I am not self destructive or fearful, just sad.

I talked with my brother last night. Yesterday was the anniversary of his psych-ward commitment. He was having difficulty with those memories and I had to talk him through his issues. How is that for irony, I am falling apart emotionally on the inside, and I have to be strong for everyone else in my life. Experiencing a duality of man moment.
 
my thoughts and prayers are with you, Izzy.

LEE
 
been there man,
so often I am there somehow it does feel good to help others through, even when I am hurting desperately. just know that you are not alone man. I wish there were some magic words I could say to make the sad feelings fade but I haven't found any yet ... if you should find them please pass them on :) meanwhile I hope it fades soon and that you realize your own inner strength you have made it this far and that is no small task. male survivors are the strongest men I know.
hope it gets better soon
Jeff
 
My thoughts are with you. You achieved much when you were there for your brother. Helping and giving to others can be healing. Take care of yourself.

Kevin
 
I Want 2 Thrive said:
I am profoundly sad. I am not self destructive or fearful, just sad.......I am falling apart emotionally on the inside, and I have to be strong for everyone else in my life.
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Hey I want 2 Thrive,

I think there are times when sadness is appropriate, healthy, even productive. Its been a hard concept for me to get, because I came to believe that feelings were to be avoided at all costs. That feeling the pain and sadness of my life was something I could not survive.

By working through the self-destructive depression, I now know that when something bad happens, its okay to feel sad. When I think of what happened to me as a kid its okay to feel sad about it. I think it would be abnormal not to. If the intensity of the sadness becomes to great to bear, I get help. Not always easy to walk that walk, but it beats numbing myself. Been there, done that.

Be well,

Jude
 
Glad you are expressing your emotions and getting support here.

Your strength while going through this to carry on and help others is inspiring.
 
Hi Izzy,

I have found the biggest thing for me was to learn that my sadness wouldn't kill me. I think living through my abuse made me so sad that I couldn't afford to feel it, so I learned to shut my feelings down and developed a belief that feeling my sadness would kill me.

Actually, feeling my sadness releases my sadness and opens me up to feeling more of who I truly am.

Sorry you're feeling vulnerable, Izzy.

Don
 
Sometimes, it is good for the soul just to let go of the tight restraint on the emotions. It lets the wounded "ID" mourn for that which was taken.

Thanks for your support guys.

Today is a better day.
 
I Want 2 Thrive,

I feel for you, my brother. I wish I were there to hold you and let you cry on my shoulder. I don't have any problems at all with men crying; in fact, I wish it were easier for me to cry. It is a natural release, after all. I'm actually proud of a man who can shed tears in front of others. BELIEVE me, it takes courage.

When a man tells me he feels like crying, I give it extra attention, because males are told from early childhood that "boys don't cry", so males learn to "man up" and bottle up their feelings. Therefore, if a man says he needs to cry, I figure he must be having an EXTRA difficult time. My heart really goes out to men who are hurting that much.

If you get the chance, try to really let it all out, preferably with someone you trust and who won't judge you. Someone to hold you and maybe even cry with you. Crying can help get the emotional aspect of your problem out of your system, so you can later think about your problem without having the emotional overload to deal with, too. ...Did I just describe the grieving process?

Anyway, I hope your day went okay, buddy. If it didn't, try to remember that good times will come around again soon. They always do. :)

Your friend,

Bobcat
 
Izzy,

Reading your post. You're a good brother. I wish I had a brother like you.

40 years later and you're still here, which makes you the winner. You may have been damaged, but you are not destroyed; you were wise and strong enough to be here now.

Yes, you: wise and strong enough to be here [alive and surviving and going about your own life] now.

You're a veteran of the male survivor's war. You are a hero, for others, for your brother, for those who know and love you, and most importantly for yourself.

To hell with the perp. I raise a glass to you, Izzy, who has survived it all for forty years. Cheers!
 
I Want 2 Thrive said:
40th anniversary of the rape that brought me into the CSA world. I am finding it difficult to hold back the tears. Worse still I have to today, I am on duty in dispatch.
Click to expand...

Now forty-eight years (STILL HERE!!!) and I still have trouble sleeping the first week of May... At least the bad dreams have faded a bit.
 
I Want 2 Thrive said:
Now forty-eight years (STILL HERE!!!) and I still have trouble sleeping the first week of May... At least the bad dreams have faded a bit.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry about what happened to you... I am glad that your bad dreams have faded somewhat!

For me it can be a blessing to be mindful when an anniversary of a deeply troubling event occurred because, like you, I get sidewise around that time. With mindfulness, I can then try to be as kind and compassionate to myself as I would to a loved one or friend if it had happened to them.

In spite of the anniversary, I hope your day goes well! :)
 
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