I broke my promise.

I broke my promise.
C

crisispoint

Registrant
I broke my promise and got drunk again last night.

I cannot believe how stupid I was, particularly after my LAST experience using alcohol as a "cure."

The bastards who did this to me are not worth the wreck I put myself through every time I decide to drown my pain. Why I did it anyway I have no clue.

If I start down this path, I know how it will end. I cannot allow it.

I'm sorry, my brothers. It's time for a new promise. Just for today I will not be destructive.

Simpler, I think.

Sorry again,

Scot
 
Perhaps you have best idea, with 'just for today'. It is difficult enough, this path we travel on together. There are already going to be many obstacles to deal of through this. But we do not need added burden of being hard at ourselves, to make ourselves feel as failures. You made a choice that did not work good for you. Perhaps today you will not make that choice again. Perhaps tomorrow, you will not make that choice again. But each day brings it's own challenges and opportunities. Take this for today, and deal with tomorrow then. It is not mistake, it is something you can learn from, always.

leosha
 
Scot,
Try not to beat yourself up over this. While you may feel disappointed in you right now it's ok. You may have triped but you have not fallen. You talk about the "last" time you went down that path. I didnt know you then Scot, but seems to me the last time you were aware of yourself like you are not. You seem to understand that drinking isnt something you need in your life right now. Maybe..just maybe...you needed this one time to help you see you can live without it in your life. I understand self medicating all to well, while I've never been much of a drinker I sure did a lot of drugs. When my daughter went to the hospital I got stoned for the first time in 5 years. I share this with you because what I learned from that is I dont need that in order to deal with the pain my life has instore for me. Maybe this where your at now. Just a thought. Try not to be so hard on yourself. If one day at a time seems to over whelming then take it one second at a time. Your much loved here Scot and my prayers are with you every set of the way.
James
 
Scot. Listen to what others have said. There is a lot of wisdom there.

The key is ( as Leo puts it) one day at a time and nothing more.


I have been in AA since my dry date of Octobdr 29,1976. And it has been one day at a time and nothing else.

Stumbling happens and you should not beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it.

Right now I cannot think of anything that would cause me to drink today. And that is all I think about. TODAY!!
 
You know, I think it is very wise to concentrate on promising "for today," as the saying goes, "the past is history, the future a mystery, and today is a present." It is hard enough to promise something to self for just one day, but I think it is easier concentrating on just today, what will come will come, and promising it won't can oly make you feel as more of a failure. So I think you made a wise decision, and I wish you luck with keeping these day long promises to yourself.

Scott
 
Scot,

Don't beat yourself up for having a setback. You already know why getting drunk last night was not the right thing to have done and why it wasn't.

A setback is just that, a setback, not the end of the road. Stand up, wipe the dust of your britches, walk around the obsticle of last night and keep going up the road and continue your journey.

Bill
 
Scot, breaking the cycle is hard, but forgiving ourselves is even harder. If you need another way to counter the way you feel, try doing something new to help yourself. Join some sort of class on meditation, sign up with an exercise program, find a support group to go to. These things may seem easy to do but in reality they are hard, much harder for guys like us that feel each second is like pushing a boulder up hill. Once you do it, you'll feel so good that you'll have no choice but to forgive yourself for that time. If you stick to it, it'll be easier to forgive yourself if you fall down again.

Whatever works to allow you to forgive yourself. That has been one of the hardest things in the world for me, forgiving myself for the many many mistakes.
 
Sounds to me you are very new to not drinking. I am an alcoholic so not drinking for me is different that for those without the disease of alcoholism. I could not stop. Making a decision to stop was one thing but actually stoping was another. What I learned is that I could not stop drinking on my own. Just like other diseases I needed help with this one. I have tried all the ways possible to treat my alcoholism theray, hospitalization, rehab center, etc. The only thing that has given any success at all has been the AA program. For those of us with this nasty disease it seems the most successful.

I originally got sober in 1982 and stayed sober until 1993 when I develped a chronic pain disorder. While obtaining treatment for my pain I bacame addicted to the pain pills. I still believe that AA or NA are my best bet. I have struggled at times since 1993. It seems that my pain has changed my recovery and it is much more difficult. I have relapsed every 2-3 years or so which involves my chronic pain. But I must admit that while I feel a failure at times it is a miracle in itself that I can stay sober and clean for a week much less that 2-3 years. I hope I never use again but if I do I know I can find the help I need in AA or NA.

I do not know if you are and addict/alcoholic or not. I have seen people who have been able to quit without this help. But most of them were not alcoholics. Everyone needs decide for himself. I suggest that you go to an AA meeting and just listen. If you cannot do this at least buy the book "alcoholics anonymous". Reading it should help you discover what is and what is not an alcoholic. I wish the best.

Gary
 
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