i am trying to understand perps

i am trying to understand perps
M

manchild

Registrant
Right now i am wondering, how a human being can come to the act of abuse of a child, against the natural impulse to protect children.

I know human can get in a sort of war state where others get objectificated into an enemy or prey. This objectification happens for instance in sports where teams play to eachother. There comes an interpretation of an "us" against "them enemies".

I know, that victims have learned, that there are victims and perpetrators, and that because some victims do not learn that there are other relations possible, they manifest the role of perpetrating in order to free themselves of the role of a victim.

Lately i heard that perpetrating is associated with power over a child.

I find it hard to understand how you can want to threaten a child with killing and be so cruel. Still i want to know why.

Humanchild
 
Manchild,

Yes, the sexual abuse of children is about power - the need to have and to exercise power in such an extreme way. Why anyone would need or want such power is something I surely don't understand, and I get the idea that professional literature isn't agreed either.

The big "why" question is one I think that we will never have an answer for. But the most important thing to bear in mind is that the answer to "why" has nothing to do with the child. It is never the child's fault, though even today there is still idiotic opinion holding that it is.

Much love,
Larry
 
larry, you touched it so rightly that self persecution complex is so strong in all abuse victims, thinking I must have done something wrong to deserve this and continues in everyday thing, each time something goes the first person you start blaming is yourself. not knowing it was just a mistake and sometimes things just happen no one knows why. One can only hope and pray for serenity to see the trueth amidst all the quagmire.
 
Hey,

dont blame yourselves, it was all ste's fault!

Get the picture!
Everything that went wrong as a kid, I got the blame.
All my adult life in work, if it went wrong, it was me.

How about this one.

I worked for a massive photocopier company and we used to get a truck delivery once a day.
I always told the driver to drop the trailer and go and see his kids, because we have a massive fork lift to move the trailer.

Luckily, this day I had another guy check the numbers of each machine coming off the truck.

Bosses came to me and said there was a machine missing even though they had been checked off, so I told them they all came in.

One of the guys thinking I was stupid had put the machine on a truck out of the side door, but I get the blame.

When I worked for a paint warehouse the same thing happened but the paint company had a security specialist who interviewed me and everyone else.

The manager got the sack for it, after trying to cover his dumb ass backside, they found tens of thousands of pounds missing from the shop too, but he never got taken to court. :(

This is why ste never tells lies, he never robs anything, and none of the garbage in the street is his. :)

Anybody else been down this road?

ste
 
My therapist recomended a book to me that would provide insight to how perp's think. I didn't want to read it right now so I don't remember the book. If you like I can ask her for the name of the book and pass it along to you. PM me if would like the name of the book.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Manchild,

I wonder if it might be worthwhile injecting a word of caution here. Maybe this is just me, but even the thought of reading and pondering how abusers think gives me the creeps. How far along are you in your recovery? I just ask because of the possibility that delving into this area at too early a point could cause you a lot of trauma.

Much love,
Larry
 
Manchild,

Hate to squash your post but really who gives a damn about the perp and their line and motive for what they do. most of us are trying to recover and survive what we went thru not understand the perp for what they did or why they did what they did for most of use it is better off not knowing then to know and understand the thinking of the perp just opens more pandoras boxes that we should never have to face.

Please understand that if you were abused i am not saying i am not in support of you but at the same point i for one cannot and will not open the wrong box especially from where i sit and have had to face things from my childhood.I am trying to move past it if i am strong enough to do so or it will take me either way i win not the abuser.
 
Andrew,

Part of your concern links up with my own worries about this, but I can understand why a survivor would ask this question. In a way it's a way of asking the "why me" question, and the problem there is that there is no answer for that one.

This whole area is a big trigger for me and I suppose that's why I feel a note of caution is in order here. For what it's worth I think this topic isn't one to get into on your own. To me it just "feels" like it's something that would quickly get me into a LOT of trauma unless I were exploring it with my T.

Much love,
Larry
 
Some of the best understanding of perp behaviour, and a very realistic account of the effects on victims is to be found in the book "The Hunt for Britains Paedophiles" by Bob Long ( Journalist ) and DCI Bob McLachan ( Detective) - the book accompanied the TV eries shown in the UK a few years ago.

It can be a very disturbing read, but it's never hysterical or gratuitous. Most of it is about the work of New Scotland Yard's 'Paedophile Unit'
But it does cover a few cases in some depth with fairly in depth insight into the perps reasons and behaviours.
Towards the end of the book there is a lot of discussion about the effects of abuse and what can be done to reduce the continuing tide of abuse that seems to be happening.

A good book, well written and it takes the subject very seriously.

ISBN number 0-340-78603-5

Dave
 
Roadrunner, Morning Star, reality2k4, Born to Resist, andrew76, Lloydy, thank you very much for your answers.

Selfblame has been quite an issue for me.
I listen carefully to my inner signs.

I am thankful, that there are people who involve themselves in the forensic study and the treatment of perpetrators and, that there is information available.

Reading you mentioning the "Why me"-question, makes me remember me asking myself "what did I do, that I deserved this" around the period of the abuse.
Remembering what I thought, gives me clarity and consolement.

Greets,
Manchild
 
I am only at the begining of my explorations. At this point in time I am not sure of what to expect about the guy whom molested me.

He was a friend of the family and a teenager when he molested me.

When I look back on my life I wonder some times where he is and what he is doing.

Sometimes I wonder if I need to confront him (although we do not have contact at all) or just to *&^% him.

I know that he got married to someone who had 2 boys. He molested them, she found out and took him to the police. He spent some time in jail.

I always wonder what has happend to him.

Is this normal to feel like this toward your perp?
 
andrew you got it buddy who gives a shit why they did it ,sorry not trying to be mean ,but if i ever understand the mind of a prpe then you might as well lock me up because i will be one.also understanding infers forgivness right ,i understand why you did it so its ok to forgive you ,bull.i will never understand ,i will never forgive.
 
I know why they do it.

They develope a predeliction for younger boys and/or girls, typically while they're coming of age, and they choose to act on it, wheather they know they're hurting the kid or not.

Why is this so hard to understand?

Or perhaps you want to know why they do it even when they do, in fact, know that they're destroying much of a young childs life? Well, I would suggest an analogy to explain that. Most of us have seen the Star Wars movies. Remember the phrase "give yourself to the dark side?" Well, that's what they do. They EMBRACE and ACCEPT the idea of sexually abusing kids and the Hell with the consequences. That's how they do it, they simply don't care if it hurts them.
 
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