I Am Trying Online Dating Again

I Am Trying Online Dating Again
I decided to try online dating one more time because it’s so hard for me to meet other gay men in my area without it. I downloaded some gay social media apps and have set rules for myself to never send any nudes or do anything sexual until after meeting in public at least three times. One guy kept trying to make me send nudes and telling me how he wanted to suck me off and I put my foot down and told him that I wasn’t going to have sexual contact with anyone without getting to know them first and then he wanted me to send nudes to which I told him no again and that I told him that I didn’t want to do that and if he asked me again that I’d block him. Well the guy apparently didn’t like what I said and blocked me. I don’t care about him because I don’t need someone like that in my life. I am smart enough not to send nudes to a total stranger because then I could be exploited with them very easily and I am not allowing myself get into that situation.
 
Certain apps are more notorious for hookups/sex versus relationships so if you run into a bunch of these types of interactions on the same app, that might be why. Good luck in your search! And so great you have solid boundaries. Rules are good when it comes to this stuff.

Also, throwing this idea out there. Not sure where you are located, but check out meetup.com. It's not for relationships, but it is geared towards group activities. There's a bunch of random stuff on there. Search "gay" or "lgbt" to see what comes up. It might be an option to meet people without dealing with the "send nude" vibes.
 
Certain apps are more notorious for hookups/sex versus relationships so if you run into a bunch of these types of interactions on the same app, that might be why. Good luck in your search! And so great you have solid boundaries. Rules are good when it comes to this stuff.

Also, throwing this idea out there. Not sure where you are located, but check out meetup.com. It's not for relationships, but it is geared towards group activities. There's a bunch of random stuff on there. Search "gay" or "lgbt" to see what comes up. It might be an option to meet people without dealing with the "send nude" vibes.
All of the LGBT groups are located over an hour away from me and I do not want to drive that far especially at night. And I am not hosting in my house as I don’t know what these people could be like in person and I’m not setting myself up for something bad to happen to me such as someone forcing me to go into my room and make me have sex against my will. I also am not exactly the best at socialization due to my autism. I’ve basically ignored the guys that asked me for nudes. I’ve heard the stories and I’m familiar with what people can and will do with nudes that someone they’ve baited has sent them.
 
All of the LGBT groups are located over an hour away from me and I do not want to drive that far especially at night. And I am not hosting in my house as I don’t know what these people could be like in person and I’m not setting myself up for something bad to happen to me such as someone forcing me to go into my room and make me have sex against my will. I also am not exactly the best at socialization due to my autism. I’ve basically ignored the guys that asked me for nudes. I’ve heard the stories and I’m familiar with what people can and will do with nudes that someone they’ve baited has sent them.
I am very proud of you for setting boundaries because I have similar boundaries, as a Level-1/2 low-to-medium support needs AuDHD person myself. Your entire rules-based engagements are 100% okay by me and I wish you really really well on your journey. One suggestion: If someone attempts to bully you into sending nudes then be the first to block because you need to protect YOU first.
 
I am very proud of you for setting boundaries because I have similar boundaries, as a Level-1/2 low-to-medium support needs AuDHD person myself. Your entire rules-based engagements are 100% okay by me and I wish you really really well on your journey. One suggestion: If someone attempts to bully you into sending nudes then be the first to block because you need to protect YOU first.
Well it was only that one guy who was particularly sexually aggressive. Apparently the fact that I was Asian and he’s never been with one before was a major turn on but I don’t like being thought of like that. I was basically giving him one last chance to behave because that just how I am. I tell people if and when they do something that I don’t like and if they refuse to listen to me or mock me about then I will ignore them. Another time this guy started to make fun of me because I said that I had issues stemming from high school and I kept ignoring his insults and not responding and then he decided to make fun of my pen is size because of that racist joke that Asian men are small. I didn’t block him immediately because I wanted to see if he would realize how wrong it was for him to act this way and apologize. I believe in giving people a second or third chance before I block them.
 
We are in same boat. There’s not really any lgbtq groups or spots near me! Welcome to small town USA in the south! Like Mason mentioned some of the apps are more geared towards hook ups. But one of those hookup apps is how I meet two of my best friends. We chatted in there and meet up in real life. They can def be used for more than just sex!

If it’s not already, I recommend putting that right in your bio! Not here for a hook up. Not sending nudes. Want to meet and make real connections. Friends, maybe more. And for your title Friends only! That’s will weed out some of the nude request. Not all of them… it’s like a feeding frenzy when a new face pops up! Pokémon even for some the guys… they wanna collect all the nudes.

Good look :) hopeful you’ll at least meet some cool guys you click with on a platonic level. Who knows maybe one of them will introduce you to a Mr. Right.
 
Thanks for sharing. Ages ago, I learned trial and error on line dating. Eventually, when I wasn't looking met the right one. 26 years later, still together. I answered that ad in '97! I was 36, he was 41...it said, "Looking for someone 30+, quiet life." I knew just from those simple words he wasn't after a twink, he wanted someone serious. I don't judge what others do, what they request etc, but I was a quick learner. Figure out, as you have, what works for you. If I had a dollar for everyone who has asked for a nude pic (I am on instagram - not looking for a relationship lol), I'd be rich. I never have ever taken a nude pic and even if I did, wouldn't be sharing it. That's me, as I said. Once you figure out your boundaries, look for someone who has similar ones.
 
I decided to try online dating one more time because it’s so hard for me to meet other gay men in my area without it. I downloaded some gay social media apps and have set rules for myself to never send any nudes or do anything sexual until after meeting in public at least three times. One guy kept trying to make me send nudes and telling me how he wanted to suck me off and I put my foot down and told him that I wasn’t going to have sexual contact with anyone without getting to know them first and then he wanted me to send nudes to which I told him no again and that I told him that I didn’t want to do that and if he asked me again that I’d block him. Well the guy apparently didn’t like what I said and blocked me. I don’t care about him because I don’t need someone like that in my life. I am smart enough not to send nudes to a total stranger because then I could be exploited with them very easily and I am not allowing myself get into that situation.
Good for you. My experience is setting limits is always with myself and never about anyone else. It’s been very difficult to teach myself that. It is also so freeing for the abused little kid in me to experience me being the one taking care of me. I didn’t begin to be able to pull this off until 70. Sure hope it doesn’t take you as long, Don
 
Thanks for sharing. Ages ago, I learned trial and error on line dating. Eventually, when I wasn't looking met the right one. 26 years later, still together. I answered that ad in '97! I was 36, he was 41...it said, "Looking for someone 30+, quiet life." I knew just from those simple words he wasn't after a twink, he wanted someone serious. I don't judge what others do, what they request etc, but I was a quick learner. Figure out, as you have, what works for you. If I had a dollar for everyone who has asked for a nude pic (I am on instagram - not looking for a relationship lol), I'd be rich. I never have ever taken a nude pic and even if I did, wouldn't be sharing it. That's me, as I said. Once you figure out your boundaries, look for someone who has similar ones.
That’s great advice figure out the boundaries from the start and build a common ground from there
 
Sorry to hear about the frustrating encounter with that guy who wouldn't take no for an answer. It's unfortunate that some people don't respect boundaries, but you handled it like a champ. Your stance on not sending nudes to strangers is spot on – it's all about safety and self-respect. Speaking of online dating, have you seen the latest survey data on the toll it can take? It's pretty eye-opening. It seems like more and more people are experiencing dating app burnout these days. It's understandable, though, with the constant swiping and messaging. Sometimes it feels like a full-time job, right?
 
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I have been there before doing it online the guys I dated before I met my fiance were forcing me to do things I did not want to do_One was me to transition and told them no.Finally told them it was over.One wanted me to send nude photos of me to him.Others treated me as a sex oblect.Biggest scare was one guy was wanted for rape.I called the cops on this one,he was arrested doing a set up for him to meet up.My fiance which will be 2 years I met him online,he was cool about it and we were on the same page.Plus he loves and accepts me for who I am
 
I decided to try online dating one more time because it’s so hard for me to meet other gay men in my area without it. I downloaded some gay social media apps and have set rules for myself to never send any nudes or do anything sexual until after meeting in public at least three times. One guy kept trying to make me send nudes and telling me how he wanted to suck me off and I put my foot down and told him that I wasn’t going to have sexual contact with anyone without getting to know them first and then he wanted me to send nudes to which I told him no again and that I told him that I didn’t want to do that and if he asked me again that I’d block him. Well the guy apparently didn’t like what I said and blocked me. I don’t care about him because I don’t need someone like that in my life. I am smart enough not to send nudes to a total stranger because then I could be exploited with them very easily and I am not allowing myself get into that situation.

If they violate the rules of the app you can report them even if they block you. I had one person block me after I said no to an inappropriate request and I reported them anyway and they got in trouble because their action was against the Terms of Service
 
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