I am sinking.

I am sinking.
G

grendyl

Registrant
I am pretty depressed so I am sorry if this post is not well written. I am not a courageous person, so I am writing this mainly b/c I feel I have nothing to lose (it doesn't matter if I make an idiot out of myself anymore)

I am having trouble connecting with others. It's not that I can't talk with anyone, it's just that I have no desire to keep friends, no desire to hold onto anything. As a result, friends have no desire to hang on to me. I am not a good looking person, not horrificly ugly, but I am pretty ugly (and getting steadily worse; part of it is meds, etc - hard to explain). I really have no chance of a relationship b/c of my physical and emotional baggage.

I am 31 already and I screw up every relationship I am in (I haven't dated in 2 years and really I don't miss it anymore). I have trouble being intimate which doesn't help. I am a financially comfortable person so I have no need to work. Because I don't work, I basically sit at home all day; it's really pathetic. I try to supplement my depression by buying crap, it really doesn't work.

I was thinking about doing some volunteer work, perhaps I am too self focused, but I don't know if it matters. I am not sure what I am doing, what the purpose of my life is. I am treading water and my legs are getting tired, really tired.

I am just too exhausted to continue ranting. Thanks for listening.
 
Grendyl
I'm not sure either, but some of the things you describe are also often seen in Survivors of sexual abuse.

It's impossible to tell from a brief post on a web-site, but quite possibly you are depressed. That can be caused by many things, some reasons like sex abuse, or other traumatic events, can be helped through appropriate therapy.
Some depression is clinical, it's a chemical inbalance that a doctor can diagnose and deal with.
Whatever, I think a visit to a doctor might be a good start.

If you know that you were, or suspect that you were, sexually abused then this is the right place for you.
Sometimes it's hard to say or even type the words to describe what we have suffered.
But if you have been abused, rest assured that we don't pass judgement here, we support and help ALL Survivors.

Dave
 
I do a lot of volunteer work and although it sometimes wears me out, it often takes me away from my problems. Sometimes it is a much needed break.

Start out with something small and see how it fits you. There are plenty of places that need volunteers.

Even taking a walk outside every day can help in what you are describing.

Don
 
Swim, don't sink! Let today be the first day for the rest of your life. Get out of that rut and know there are a lot of great things you can do to contribute to this life. Eat right, get plenty of sleep, exercise and take care of yourself before you try to help others. Hire a personal trainer to help you if you must. But take care of yourself first.
 
Thanks all. I will try to get out of this, perhaps more exercise, etc will make a difference. I don't know if I can do it, I am so very tired and I don't want to fight to make it anymore. I will try hard though.

You are right though, I probably should try to fix myself before trying to help others. Once again thanks all. I have a lot more hope than before.
 
Grendyl,
sitting at home, wasting your time doing nothing is very bad for young man as you are.
All human beings need a lot of activities (physical and intellectual) for normal functioning, this is biological need, something that we all need to do. Starting with the exercises might be very good for the beginning. It would be hard to start but you would be surprised how much energy is accumulated in your body.

You definitely need to have some goals that you wish to accomplish, something that would you do by your own capabilities and will with no help aside.
Volunteer work is great idea, there are plenty of opportunities what can you do for your community.

What concerns me is your very low self-esteem (Quote: "I am pretty ugly").
You need to discover again yourself and your own personality.
You are unique, there is no other human being like you on all Earth, and no one would ever be like you. There must be pretty much good things about you, quality things that are only your characteristic.
Do not give up with discovering them.

PS. I am sorry if my words are like from an policeman. You see I was raised by mother that was very ill, so she had to fight for every one more day to spend with her kids and that is the reason why I am also very big fighter.

I wish you the best,
Ivo
 
Grendyl,

there are a lot of ugly people in this World, I bet you're not one of them.

It is easy when young to feel so down, you need to pick yourself up again, yes, it will happen, you will get lonely, having no friends.

A lot of us go through these feelings, we feel ugly, because we're different. Try and be more friendly with folk you meet, read comics or watch zany movies, anything to bring you smiling again, it can be done.

Do some voluntary work, instead of moping at home, I did this type of work, and found it really stimulating, just to have something I could be proud of.

It helped me sleep at night, and I found many friends, because a lot of voluntary workers, have also been abused, and they are an incredible bunch of people to work with.

Give it a try, you wont regret

ste
 
I:m in the same boat, although I:m not sitting at home I moved to japan, but that:s another story. Don:t sit, at least exercise, take a month to get over being tired and after a month you:ll start having more energy/stamina, assuming you are doing cardi-vascular (aerobic) exercise that gets you panting bigtime. I:ve been told I:m *good looking* and haven:t had a girlfriend or anything similar in 10 years, so at 41 I maybe behind yourself, so don:t worry there. If you really are in a position to volunteer, do it, I wish I was there, but my career was destroyed in confronting my family so I:m literally rebuilding my life from the ground up. Sounds like you have some positive building blocks, you gotta get Up and start playing with them again. Good luck experimenting...
 
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