I am a man and I am my own man

[OgO]

Sometimes, I just need to remind myself that I am a man, and I am my own man.

I was thinking this week that one thing I miss most because of what happened, is having a father - someone to show me how to change a tire, hammer nails in without hitting my thumb and fix the leaking tap - not to mention play ball with, watch football or car racing with.

So this week, I am very proud of myself for putting together my new desk, all by myself (big thanks to my wife who helped me turn it up the right way, but otherwise had more confidence in me than I had that I would actually get it done).

What have you done lately that you are proud of yourself for, as a man?

 

[Dissociated1]

Two things actually-
My brother-in-law's not getting a job was the family elephant in the living room. I couldn't stand it any more. I didn't tell him there would be other jobs, hand him a beer and ask him if he'd seen the game. I told him I knew what he was going through; it had happened to me. I knew how he felt and I was very very sorry. He shook my hand and told me thanks, the way a man does when you know he really means it.

I don''t care for my wife's girlfriend or even think she's cute. I was in a bad mood because I'd had a fight with my wife and happened to run into her friend. I could have been short, made her feel as miserable as I was. I make a choice to treat my wife's friend better than that. She was obviously dolled up to go somewhere so I told her she looked nice. She bubbled and grinned like a schoolgirl.

Two simple acts of kindness that go against everything I was taught a man "should" be. Things my female alter does without blinking and I had been conditioned not to do if my life depended on it. Until a year ago I couldn't have brought myself to do either of them. It really made me feel good.

 

[OgO]

Congratulations Dissociated1!

Even the mainstream press laments how hard it is to be a male in today's society, and I think even moreso for us here in this forum.

Well done on being a good friend to both your brother-in-law and your wife's friend!

 

[30something]

I dig this thread. Lately I've been saying what I mean, and meaning what I say. Not trying to win on anyone. Nothing passive aggressive to win something later. Just me, being honest and as just as I can be. Maybe that's not being a man per se... just a grown @ss adult. It's freeing.

Good on you both, OgO and Dis1.

Asa

 

[OgO]

Thanks Asa,

Well when it comes down to it, true manliness I think has a lot more to do with honesty and integrity in yourself than how quickly you can dismantle and rebuild a car engine so well done to you too!

Actually a link I could throw in here on manliness for anyone interested is The Art of Manliness, a blog on all things physically and emotionally "manly" (note they do use a few war analogies / themes if that's an issue for anyone), I've found some good things there anyway: https://www.artofmanliness.com/

 

[Dissociated1]

Thank you both. These were huge steps for me. (Not trying to ram religion down anyone's throat) I remember having a conversation with our couple's psychologist about ways to incorporate my female alter into my life. She pointed to Jesus Christ as an example. I told her I wanted to be a real man not a man like that. She cocked her head and asked me which Jesus would that be? The one who was so furious he overturned the tables in the temple or the one who fed the hungry and healed the sick? Of all the therapists I have had this lady isn't afraid to get in my face to say what she has to get her point through my thick skull...

 

[Bryan7601]

I was asked at work to work over on Friday and pick up an extra day over the weekend. And I said "no". Hard for me to say no, always has been. But I did it.

 

[manipulated]

Giant step Bryan.

 

[OgO]

Well done Bryan! Saying no can be very hard, I have definitely found that too at times, so what you did was very strong!

 

[Dissociated1]

Wow, saying "no," This Is HUGE. Congratulations!

 

[30something]

Thanks for the share, OgO.

And I agree saying no is a big win.

Asa