I almost let myself slip over the edge

[James_dup1]

Over the last few weeks I've felt it comming on. Slowly the same old depression as always. But I figure hey it has to be different this time. This time Im not hidding anymore. I've told my therypist how I was feeling (and she didnt lock me up). I shared with my wife, I told my best friends. All over the last few weeks. What I didnt do was tell all of them how much worst it was getting, how the thoughts of wanting to just lay down and never wake up over powered everything else in my life. Not untill last night did I share just how strong they realy were, funny thing. They aready new. I did call my best friend on friday and ask him to pray with me, thats something I've never done (so that might have given them a hint). Or it is true you hide from those who truly love you. Well last night I went to the crisis center, did know if felt safe in the real world anymore, felt like I was my own worst demond at the time, I wasnt thinking straight and my support team, my wife and my two best friends showed me that. showed me my logic was getting just a little twisted. so i went, well they didnt keep me. they gave me shot and some pills and sent me home. durning all of this everyone kept telling me it's a breakthrough not a breakdown, then why did/does it feel like I'm breakingdown and not through?...lol...well the jury is still out on down or through. I guess the real reason for my post is this. the two friend my two best friends, the only people other than my wife and my theripest I can talk to and KNOW I will not be judged for anything Im just james to them no matter how hard I push I met rigth here at this site. When I first came here I was desprite, scared, alone, so ful of shame I haad enough to go around, felt like if anyone knew me (the real me, the one that grew up in "that" house) would never care about me. Well I was proven wrong. now I know Im not alone, there are other men just like me who are and have felt the same things I do and have and for this Im gratful for this site. It was this site's chat room that got me thinking about finding a pro to talk to. It was this sites message boards just like this one that helped keep the courage to go to the first meeting. I know I dont post here much anymore but I do read it everday. So I just want to say thank you to everyone that has ever given me any type of support, you were supporting me this weekend just as much as my wife and friends did. So think you for helping me slip or maybe I shouuld say push myself over the edge.
James

 

[orodo]

(((James)))

 

[Wuamei]

James:

Sometimes the way thru is down. Sometimes we learn best the hard way or learn only the hard way. Maybe we get too stubborn or afraid to learn any other way. Maybe when it's all up & easy we feel we've nothing left to learn. I dunno. Just some thots for what they're worth. Sounds to me like you're definitely moving thru, tho. You took some big tough steps. WTG!

Wuame

 

[Ken Followell]

James,

Sorry to hear about the depression but glad you are getting the help you need. You are not alone in this and you are not rejected for who you are. I am glad to have you as my brother in this pain and fellow traveler along this road.

Ken