I almost let myself slip over the edge

[James_dup1]

Over the last few weeks I've felt it comming on. Slowly the same old depression as always. But I figure hey it has to be different this time. This time Im not hidding anymore. I've told my therypist how I was feeling (and she didnt lock me up). I shared with my wife, I told my best friends. All over the last few weeks. What I didnt do was tell all of them how much worst it was getting, how the thoughts of wanting to just lay down and never wake up over powered everything else in my life. Not untill last night did I share just how strong they realy were, funny thing. They aready new. I did call my best friend on friday and ask him to pray with me, thats something I've never done (so that might have given them a hint). Or it is true you hide from those who truly love you. Well last night I went to the crisis center, did know if felt safe in the real world anymore, felt like I was my own worst demond at the time, I wasnt thinking straight and my support team, my wife and my two best friends showed me that. showed me my logic was getting just a little twisted. so i went, well they didnt keep me. they gave me shot and some pills and sent me home. durning all of this everyone kept telling me it's a breakthrough not a breakdown, then why did/does it feel like I'm breakingdown and not through?...lol...well the jury is still out on down or through. I guess the real reason for my post is this. the two friend my two best friends, the only people other than my wife and my theripest I can talk to and KNOW

 

[Lloydy]

James
It's no use trying to hide anything ! my wife knows every change of mood I have now.
I'm not that sure it's a good thing

Our loved ones do know what's going on, and they're probably right it's a breakthrough - not a breakdown.
Wow, they're intense.

Keep talking and posting, just spit it out James.

Be strong
Lloydy

 

[The Dean]

Hi James,

It is good of you to share some of your grief with us. You surely did the rights thing in seeking out help. I hope that your thinking gets better and leads you to your inner strength.

Like the guys say, this is a good place to talk with people who understand.


Take care brother.

Bob

 

[James_dup1]

Thanks guys for the words of hope,
I'm realy doinng better today. wives are very good with knowing us arent they.

what the caterpillar calls death, the master calls a butterfly.

I love this line, would u mind if I use it to help me remember that sometimes even the worst death sometimes a butterfly comes out.
James