Husbands SA just found out after causing me pain. LONG, help anyone?
Were do I start? I would like to thank you all for the inspiration and motivation you have given me to help my husband. Through your stories and strength I have found understanding where my husband is not yet able to furnish it. I have lived in HELL for the last 3 months. My story is quite different than any I have seen posted so far. Any thoughts and insight would be appreciated. I am trying to find answers for my husband and would be lying if I didnt include myself. I find myself playing the WHY ME out in my head at the least 5 times a day; (guilt then overcomes me). I would like to focus my concentration to the real issue WHY HIM and thus the sadness will be shifted in the correct direction.
As you read please understand my view, in order to help my husband I am more than willing to take one for the team. To know he has lived in this madness for over 23 years on his own kills me. In my experiences the last 3 months I have been taken on an emotional roller coaster all by the man I love. I do however understand the logic. If this experience will bring him closer to me, his real life, and his true self. . I am more than willing to travel this road. Understand I am speaking about my soul mate. I have came near death myself the last few months, and depression is now my friend. Life without him, even the thought is unbearable.
My story reads just like a fairytale. I was however the Prince. My husband came from a BAD home. I never knew there was any sexual abuse, I was just aware of the parental neglect and later the physical abuse by his older brother. He came from a broken home; they were divorced when he was conceived so the father was never really there. His mother, WORTHLESS. Drug infested, self-centered, mental (truly),. Ive always said she would take the shirt right off your back! He remembers her mostly NEVER being there. Hitch hiking as the school bus went by to bring him home. Drunk, drugged and feeling sorry for herself. He was left alone with his other siblings with just about anyone, for several weeks at a time, often. Placed in foster care I think twice. Parties were more important, he doesnt even remember a real Christmas, Tree, lights . . Presents. . Ever?
We met at the ripe old age of 16 and 14. It was his 16th B-day. I never knew such a sweet; pure hearted person even then. He was soft hearted, cried when we left each other after a date. Expressed real emotion, not any of the motcho attitude any other would give. Early on I was given insight into how much he really needed me. He has always said he never knew love until he met me. My family took him in; my family is his very own. I really think my mom likes him more, ha . . ha.
So the real problem, bear with me. Any flashes or triggers I apologize but thank you for trying. Ive now explained us, forgot to mention my husband is also not the typical stereotype. He doesnt drink doesn't do drugs, anything to hurt himself. He is not angry and is mostly considered laid back. I realize now it is just him avoiding conflict. When I say we have only had these last 3 months of problems in the last 14 years of marriage; that is the truth. We dont argue we are together all the time; we truly enjoy one another. We agree we are Best Friends!
The Military is where I guess to start. We were separated for over a year. Not because deployment we were actually stupid enough to do this to ourselves. We were 6 hours from home and 1 year away from getting out. After 8 years of dreaming about the day we would raise our children back home we decided to jump the gun and him make the drive so we could get settled before the big move from military to civilian. During this time I saw him at the least once ever 3 weeks. Our son, just over one year. He never acted any different. I knew it was hard on him from his conversation but it was also so hard on me. I knew what we had so I never suspected the separate life my husband was leading. Being in the barracks was no place for a married man. I thought he could handle it. He never drank before but I knew there was a lot of that there and accepted that he would get drunk with the guys. I even knew the bars were an out. Something better than setting in all the time. I love to dance. I frequented the bars when he was in Bosnia, no big deal, I never disrespected him.
Anyways, this girl called 3 months ago. She asked for my husband, it was late at night. He admitted before I made him call her back to see what she was calling for (it had been 4 years) that they had slept together. He from then on sent me on a roller coaster that I knew deep down was all fiction. He couldnt answer direct questions like, how many times did you sleep with her? He would pause, send me over the edge (I thought it would be important enough to remember considering he was hurting me.) I never got a straight answer. It was like the worst he could tell me he would. He said for instance like (10 -16) times sleeping together but in the same conversation tell me that he never wanted it he was so drunk he would come in/out and she would be fu**ing with him (his words). I was told that he never kissed her, never called her, never bought her things, never showed any emotion, and never had an orgasm. He said he felt pressure, like having sex was the only alternative. He said though that he actually penetrated her? I was so confused, I mean how do you get an erection? What would make you give in? YOU WERE MARRIED TO ME, WAS THAT HOW EASY I AM FORGOTTEN?
I was given an image of her making him mad, him mounting her from behind, him never finishing but doing it only to making it stop. She was ugly like a 2 on a scale of 10. There was nothing that attracted him, this all I made him swear on my life and his children's. It was too unreal to trust. It never hit me what he was trying to tell me because he tried harder to MAKE IT MORE so I would believe he used her! Bear with me, in his mind he would rather me think he had an affair than to take a chance on my figuring out he was molested as a child. He said he thought I would never believe him anyway about the girl. He had full opportunity to indulge in her, she was so dumb he would treat her like crap and she would still call, still get him drunk by buying him booze and he never expected to hear from her again after every occasion together.
I figured him out though. I knew him, the real him and as I told him, I cant think badly of you, you would NEVER hurt me, this isnt making any sense?. One night it hit me, like a brick and I confronted him. I asked him if all those things about his feelings were correct would it be correct to assume he was assaulted and sexually coerced? After watching me cry, scream, throw him out, I was crushed to hear I had been mad at him for being USED. The guilt swallowed me. I then received the truth. I was told that it only happened 2 times. He was so drunk he didnt even remember leaving the bar with her. He said she must have drove because both times he ended up at her house, our truck outside. He said he woke up, in the middle of her messing with him.
The first night he was out with a friend. That friend hooked up with hers. He was left without a ride; she then volunteered to take him to the barracks. He didnt really think she was interested, he didnt even talk really to her. He said she hung around him but only cause her friend was all over his friend. He said there wasnt 5 min. of conversation exchanged between them. Anyway, somehow in his mind on the way home he decided he needed to use the bathroom. He was sick, needed to take a leak. He said he remembers telling her that, next thing he knew he was at her house. He thought it was wired, (I would be mad) but he honestly knew he was going to pee then get her to drive him on. He said he remembers the bathroom, then. . He woke in her bed, coming in and out of passing out with her fondling him and on one occasion her mouth. He said it was dark. He wanted it to quit so he mounted her. I was reassured that he never kissed, touched or anything I should be mad about. He didnt enjoy it, didnt have an orgasm and honestly just did it to make it stop. He said he stopped dead in the middle, after maybe 2 min. pulled himself together, walked back to the living room, she came in and he asked her to drive him on to the barracks. He said he cried prayed, screamed, it was awful. He had been violated and he hated her. He didnt have much guilt though, he said he in his drunk mind thought I would want him to do those actions. I am a very outspoken woman, I am strong willed, he said I wouldnt have ever let anyone do this to me. He said he thought, If I knew I would want him to take control, not have these feelings and teach her a lesson.
Then the thing that made me figure the REAL TRUTH LATER he continued to see her. She called like 1 week later; she however didnt mention the sex. He was mad cause he thought that was screwed up. She never recognized what she did, never made excuses. He said he was so mad, he needed her to pay. He agreed to go with her out again. She would buy every drink, she would accept not being talked to. . She never received any attention. That was to show her that she wasnt important and that it shouldnt have happened. He said it backfired though, instead of being mad she kept the drinks coming, she wouldnt talk about it, she never gave any inclination that she was interested in him, just kept the booze coming. This made him madder, made him feel more used. He said he never gave her a reason for her actions and never did she even act interested other than wanting to be with him and buying him drinks. The anger grew; she made him feel bad; she made him cheat on me. She needed to pay . . .
I realized all those things were possible even researched it on the Internet. I thought I had the truth finally and it was great knowing I wasnt forgotten and it wasnt ever about him not loving me. BUT THEN: Why would he give in so easy? Why so much anger and needing revenge so bad he would risk me finding out? Why be in her presence if he hated her so much, wouldnt that be hard to deal with? What was the real reason in playing these high school games? I knew there was more. . I was on a mission. . I found the devil in my mist; I was going to expose it. I couldnt stand the doubt in my head. . I knew better, I KNEW HIM!
After 2 months of complete hell and emotional warfare with my own mind I finally found the truth. I took him into the bedroom, our children asleep and confronted him. I said, I am being lied to, I am missing something, I know she isnt enough to make you do these things. I knew his family life and the suspicion was there, I had to ask. I said, Where you messed with when you were little? There is too much anger, as an adult you could fix it, as a child you were helpless, is that why you needed revenge so bad?. He got tears and screamed, LEAVE IT ALONE. I said, NO, this is my life, something ruined it, I am entitled to know, I will know! I then saw his tears and said, If it is true would you tell me? He said, NO. The next two hours were awful. He cried, I held him, reassured him I would understand. No details were given just the pain was expressed.
Since then I have pried further. He would rather not talk at all. I however get mad. I know, I shouldnt but as I said to him. . Understand my side. What ever was so bad has made my husband pay twice. He has allowed the people of the past to control his life again. In the mist of him paying I am too. I am apart of this cycle now; I am also affected by the past. I however dont see the hurt; I know nothing about the pain involved. I havent experienced such anger, pain, distrust, I just know I was his wife.
I want to know the details, although he would rather me not. I feel like he thinks I will think about him badly but the truth is I need those details to fight the devil in my mind. Just as he saw her 6 times after the first experience for answers, I also am searching for the answers. I want to feel the pain he does to understand the actions he took. Mostly the reason is the fear. If these things were possible then what will my future hold if the problem isnt fixed? He has to understand that it wasnt the situation that caused him to react that way. Understand she shouldnt have got him drunk but what type of woman would settle for that? He gave her nothing but she needed it so bad she settled. She wanted more and allowed him to treat her this way. I think she put him in her bed so in the morning he would wake up and think they had something more. Women think weird and the not mentioning it would be because he didnt. I mean why talk about you being used and you making it possible. I think she may also have a history, how and why else accept this? How would this be her using him if she got nothing?
I do think if the past wasnt in his mind he would have fought. He would have at the least put her head in the pillow, have his way and then laugh his way out the door. It was different though. He made her the bad guys of his past. Because he didnt want what was happening, the feelings of the past haunted him. He saw her as taking advantage (as she did) because he was drunk. He saw her not talking about it and that meaning the same as when he was little, it was acknowledged that it was wrong. (She really just didnt know how to talk about it). Understand I am not making her a victim. I just know that she must have really wanted him, why call? Why buy him drinks, why get treated like crap, why call him after 4 years. He is really good looking, he had a good job, nice truck, sweet and mostly wasnt all over her. She was a divorced 31-year-old ugly duckling. She was last with a druggy; my husband was a PRINCE. She was obsessed with him, like a stocker. He however sees her as another PERP like she just did these things to use him. Understand though that she got 2 min. and all women know. . Behind isnt the best way. . She got nothing. . Used. . She allowed it. .
See, I try and make him understand this because half his problem now is that he got used as an adult. That isnt true. The situation, the feelings were the same but he made it into what he wanted it to be. He saw the past; the little boy felt the same. . He reacted the same. . She reacted as the others with no emotion. . He saw his past. . He saw anger, fear, resentment, he needed revenge.
So, where do I go from here? I need to know more. Not to pry but so that he will understand his actions. Understand he hurt me. Understand those things now as an adult arent up to anyone but himself. He has control now, this is his life. He must take control, he must find peace. . Why allow them to control him?
I need to feel his pain to know my love. You know he said the times with her were the drunkest ever. Never blacked out before, would that mean he was drugged? Also, he explained that the whole time the feelings were never with her. Always with his brother who saw his way with him as a child. He felt weird because of the erection; he remembered the beatings, the pain.. He needed it to stop. He said as a child he had no one to turn to. He pretended to be someone else, as an adult he took me there. He said the whole time as he gave in he thought of me. I gave him strength and he knew I loved him, he could do this because it didnt matter, no emotion involved and it was okay because he had my love.
The woman called him for one year. Aug-December he saw her 4 times. The two times this happened was then. Dec-May there was no contact, she called maybe once a month. Short conversations. He kept away, realizing he couldn't come out ahead he said. Right before he left he saw her twice more, so he could see if then she would talk, she didn't and thus the meetings stopped.
The people, who did this as a child, I have met. Woman and a man, aunt and uncle, they are dead. They took the children, he and his brother, another girl, we dont know who, and made them do these things as they watched ... My husband was about 5, his brother 8. Later the older brother began to do these things to my husband without instruction. On his own he would force himself on him. Later, when he was older about 10 - 12 he then instead of the sexual abuse received physical abuse by the same brother, every day for about 2 school years. . He said he wanted to die and at times, he was chocked until the point of passing out. That brother is still around, my husband hates him, I now know why. He, the brother tries to have a relationship . . . never acknowledges the pain, always ends the conversation on the phone with a Love ya brother!. He is still the same SOB in my book, an alcoholic, wife beater, child beater and what else Im now not so sure? My husband tolerates him, I think now so he can show him as an adult that he is better, he over came, and he is worth more. My husband gets enjoyment out of that I think. The mother, sure she knew about the beatings but she didnt do anything. She stills now thinks she raised her children so well, she did her best. He doesnt talk to either of them often and when he does it is because he feels like he should.. It is his mother, WHO CARES?
His other siblings we think were treated the same; he however doesnt want to talk to them about it. He still thinks just in case they didnt that they will not believe him! That is his choice, I dont think he is alone though.
As you read please understand my view, in order to help my husband I am more than willing to take one for the team. To know he has lived in this madness for over 23 years on his own kills me. In my experiences the last 3 months I have been taken on an emotional roller coaster all by the man I love. I do however understand the logic. If this experience will bring him closer to me, his real life, and his true self. . I am more than willing to travel this road. Understand I am speaking about my soul mate. I have came near death myself the last few months, and depression is now my friend. Life without him, even the thought is unbearable.
My story reads just like a fairytale. I was however the Prince. My husband came from a BAD home. I never knew there was any sexual abuse, I was just aware of the parental neglect and later the physical abuse by his older brother. He came from a broken home; they were divorced when he was conceived so the father was never really there. His mother, WORTHLESS. Drug infested, self-centered, mental (truly),. Ive always said she would take the shirt right off your back! He remembers her mostly NEVER being there. Hitch hiking as the school bus went by to bring him home. Drunk, drugged and feeling sorry for herself. He was left alone with his other siblings with just about anyone, for several weeks at a time, often. Placed in foster care I think twice. Parties were more important, he doesnt even remember a real Christmas, Tree, lights . . Presents. . Ever?
We met at the ripe old age of 16 and 14. It was his 16th B-day. I never knew such a sweet; pure hearted person even then. He was soft hearted, cried when we left each other after a date. Expressed real emotion, not any of the motcho attitude any other would give. Early on I was given insight into how much he really needed me. He has always said he never knew love until he met me. My family took him in; my family is his very own. I really think my mom likes him more, ha . . ha.
So the real problem, bear with me. Any flashes or triggers I apologize but thank you for trying. Ive now explained us, forgot to mention my husband is also not the typical stereotype. He doesnt drink doesn't do drugs, anything to hurt himself. He is not angry and is mostly considered laid back. I realize now it is just him avoiding conflict. When I say we have only had these last 3 months of problems in the last 14 years of marriage; that is the truth. We dont argue we are together all the time; we truly enjoy one another. We agree we are Best Friends!
The Military is where I guess to start. We were separated for over a year. Not because deployment we were actually stupid enough to do this to ourselves. We were 6 hours from home and 1 year away from getting out. After 8 years of dreaming about the day we would raise our children back home we decided to jump the gun and him make the drive so we could get settled before the big move from military to civilian. During this time I saw him at the least once ever 3 weeks. Our son, just over one year. He never acted any different. I knew it was hard on him from his conversation but it was also so hard on me. I knew what we had so I never suspected the separate life my husband was leading. Being in the barracks was no place for a married man. I thought he could handle it. He never drank before but I knew there was a lot of that there and accepted that he would get drunk with the guys. I even knew the bars were an out. Something better than setting in all the time. I love to dance. I frequented the bars when he was in Bosnia, no big deal, I never disrespected him.
Anyways, this girl called 3 months ago. She asked for my husband, it was late at night. He admitted before I made him call her back to see what she was calling for (it had been 4 years) that they had slept together. He from then on sent me on a roller coaster that I knew deep down was all fiction. He couldnt answer direct questions like, how many times did you sleep with her? He would pause, send me over the edge (I thought it would be important enough to remember considering he was hurting me.) I never got a straight answer. It was like the worst he could tell me he would. He said for instance like (10 -16) times sleeping together but in the same conversation tell me that he never wanted it he was so drunk he would come in/out and she would be fu**ing with him (his words). I was told that he never kissed her, never called her, never bought her things, never showed any emotion, and never had an orgasm. He said he felt pressure, like having sex was the only alternative. He said though that he actually penetrated her? I was so confused, I mean how do you get an erection? What would make you give in? YOU WERE MARRIED TO ME, WAS THAT HOW EASY I AM FORGOTTEN?
I was given an image of her making him mad, him mounting her from behind, him never finishing but doing it only to making it stop. She was ugly like a 2 on a scale of 10. There was nothing that attracted him, this all I made him swear on my life and his children's. It was too unreal to trust. It never hit me what he was trying to tell me because he tried harder to MAKE IT MORE so I would believe he used her! Bear with me, in his mind he would rather me think he had an affair than to take a chance on my figuring out he was molested as a child. He said he thought I would never believe him anyway about the girl. He had full opportunity to indulge in her, she was so dumb he would treat her like crap and she would still call, still get him drunk by buying him booze and he never expected to hear from her again after every occasion together.
I figured him out though. I knew him, the real him and as I told him, I cant think badly of you, you would NEVER hurt me, this isnt making any sense?. One night it hit me, like a brick and I confronted him. I asked him if all those things about his feelings were correct would it be correct to assume he was assaulted and sexually coerced? After watching me cry, scream, throw him out, I was crushed to hear I had been mad at him for being USED. The guilt swallowed me. I then received the truth. I was told that it only happened 2 times. He was so drunk he didnt even remember leaving the bar with her. He said she must have drove because both times he ended up at her house, our truck outside. He said he woke up, in the middle of her messing with him.
The first night he was out with a friend. That friend hooked up with hers. He was left without a ride; she then volunteered to take him to the barracks. He didnt really think she was interested, he didnt even talk really to her. He said she hung around him but only cause her friend was all over his friend. He said there wasnt 5 min. of conversation exchanged between them. Anyway, somehow in his mind on the way home he decided he needed to use the bathroom. He was sick, needed to take a leak. He said he remembers telling her that, next thing he knew he was at her house. He thought it was wired, (I would be mad) but he honestly knew he was going to pee then get her to drive him on. He said he remembers the bathroom, then. . He woke in her bed, coming in and out of passing out with her fondling him and on one occasion her mouth. He said it was dark. He wanted it to quit so he mounted her. I was reassured that he never kissed, touched or anything I should be mad about. He didnt enjoy it, didnt have an orgasm and honestly just did it to make it stop. He said he stopped dead in the middle, after maybe 2 min. pulled himself together, walked back to the living room, she came in and he asked her to drive him on to the barracks. He said he cried prayed, screamed, it was awful. He had been violated and he hated her. He didnt have much guilt though, he said he in his drunk mind thought I would want him to do those actions. I am a very outspoken woman, I am strong willed, he said I wouldnt have ever let anyone do this to me. He said he thought, If I knew I would want him to take control, not have these feelings and teach her a lesson.
Then the thing that made me figure the REAL TRUTH LATER he continued to see her. She called like 1 week later; she however didnt mention the sex. He was mad cause he thought that was screwed up. She never recognized what she did, never made excuses. He said he was so mad, he needed her to pay. He agreed to go with her out again. She would buy every drink, she would accept not being talked to. . She never received any attention. That was to show her that she wasnt important and that it shouldnt have happened. He said it backfired though, instead of being mad she kept the drinks coming, she wouldnt talk about it, she never gave any inclination that she was interested in him, just kept the booze coming. This made him madder, made him feel more used. He said he never gave her a reason for her actions and never did she even act interested other than wanting to be with him and buying him drinks. The anger grew; she made him feel bad; she made him cheat on me. She needed to pay . . .
I realized all those things were possible even researched it on the Internet. I thought I had the truth finally and it was great knowing I wasnt forgotten and it wasnt ever about him not loving me. BUT THEN: Why would he give in so easy? Why so much anger and needing revenge so bad he would risk me finding out? Why be in her presence if he hated her so much, wouldnt that be hard to deal with? What was the real reason in playing these high school games? I knew there was more. . I was on a mission. . I found the devil in my mist; I was going to expose it. I couldnt stand the doubt in my head. . I knew better, I KNEW HIM!
After 2 months of complete hell and emotional warfare with my own mind I finally found the truth. I took him into the bedroom, our children asleep and confronted him. I said, I am being lied to, I am missing something, I know she isnt enough to make you do these things. I knew his family life and the suspicion was there, I had to ask. I said, Where you messed with when you were little? There is too much anger, as an adult you could fix it, as a child you were helpless, is that why you needed revenge so bad?. He got tears and screamed, LEAVE IT ALONE. I said, NO, this is my life, something ruined it, I am entitled to know, I will know! I then saw his tears and said, If it is true would you tell me? He said, NO. The next two hours were awful. He cried, I held him, reassured him I would understand. No details were given just the pain was expressed.
Since then I have pried further. He would rather not talk at all. I however get mad. I know, I shouldnt but as I said to him. . Understand my side. What ever was so bad has made my husband pay twice. He has allowed the people of the past to control his life again. In the mist of him paying I am too. I am apart of this cycle now; I am also affected by the past. I however dont see the hurt; I know nothing about the pain involved. I havent experienced such anger, pain, distrust, I just know I was his wife.
I want to know the details, although he would rather me not. I feel like he thinks I will think about him badly but the truth is I need those details to fight the devil in my mind. Just as he saw her 6 times after the first experience for answers, I also am searching for the answers. I want to feel the pain he does to understand the actions he took. Mostly the reason is the fear. If these things were possible then what will my future hold if the problem isnt fixed? He has to understand that it wasnt the situation that caused him to react that way. Understand she shouldnt have got him drunk but what type of woman would settle for that? He gave her nothing but she needed it so bad she settled. She wanted more and allowed him to treat her this way. I think she put him in her bed so in the morning he would wake up and think they had something more. Women think weird and the not mentioning it would be because he didnt. I mean why talk about you being used and you making it possible. I think she may also have a history, how and why else accept this? How would this be her using him if she got nothing?
I do think if the past wasnt in his mind he would have fought. He would have at the least put her head in the pillow, have his way and then laugh his way out the door. It was different though. He made her the bad guys of his past. Because he didnt want what was happening, the feelings of the past haunted him. He saw her as taking advantage (as she did) because he was drunk. He saw her not talking about it and that meaning the same as when he was little, it was acknowledged that it was wrong. (She really just didnt know how to talk about it). Understand I am not making her a victim. I just know that she must have really wanted him, why call? Why buy him drinks, why get treated like crap, why call him after 4 years. He is really good looking, he had a good job, nice truck, sweet and mostly wasnt all over her. She was a divorced 31-year-old ugly duckling. She was last with a druggy; my husband was a PRINCE. She was obsessed with him, like a stocker. He however sees her as another PERP like she just did these things to use him. Understand though that she got 2 min. and all women know. . Behind isnt the best way. . She got nothing. . Used. . She allowed it. .
See, I try and make him understand this because half his problem now is that he got used as an adult. That isnt true. The situation, the feelings were the same but he made it into what he wanted it to be. He saw the past; the little boy felt the same. . He reacted the same. . She reacted as the others with no emotion. . He saw his past. . He saw anger, fear, resentment, he needed revenge.
So, where do I go from here? I need to know more. Not to pry but so that he will understand his actions. Understand he hurt me. Understand those things now as an adult arent up to anyone but himself. He has control now, this is his life. He must take control, he must find peace. . Why allow them to control him?
I need to feel his pain to know my love. You know he said the times with her were the drunkest ever. Never blacked out before, would that mean he was drugged? Also, he explained that the whole time the feelings were never with her. Always with his brother who saw his way with him as a child. He felt weird because of the erection; he remembered the beatings, the pain.. He needed it to stop. He said as a child he had no one to turn to. He pretended to be someone else, as an adult he took me there. He said the whole time as he gave in he thought of me. I gave him strength and he knew I loved him, he could do this because it didnt matter, no emotion involved and it was okay because he had my love.
The woman called him for one year. Aug-December he saw her 4 times. The two times this happened was then. Dec-May there was no contact, she called maybe once a month. Short conversations. He kept away, realizing he couldn't come out ahead he said. Right before he left he saw her twice more, so he could see if then she would talk, she didn't and thus the meetings stopped.
The people, who did this as a child, I have met. Woman and a man, aunt and uncle, they are dead. They took the children, he and his brother, another girl, we dont know who, and made them do these things as they watched ... My husband was about 5, his brother 8. Later the older brother began to do these things to my husband without instruction. On his own he would force himself on him. Later, when he was older about 10 - 12 he then instead of the sexual abuse received physical abuse by the same brother, every day for about 2 school years. . He said he wanted to die and at times, he was chocked until the point of passing out. That brother is still around, my husband hates him, I now know why. He, the brother tries to have a relationship . . . never acknowledges the pain, always ends the conversation on the phone with a Love ya brother!. He is still the same SOB in my book, an alcoholic, wife beater, child beater and what else Im now not so sure? My husband tolerates him, I think now so he can show him as an adult that he is better, he over came, and he is worth more. My husband gets enjoyment out of that I think. The mother, sure she knew about the beatings but she didnt do anything. She stills now thinks she raised her children so well, she did her best. He doesnt talk to either of them often and when he does it is because he feels like he should.. It is his mother, WHO CARES?
His other siblings we think were treated the same; he however doesnt want to talk to them about it. He still thinks just in case they didnt that they will not believe him! That is his choice, I dont think he is alone though.
