hurting bad

hurting bad
S

ShyBear

Registrant
hurting so bad - crying
read some of your stories, gotten to know some of you just a little
i feel so shitty - so many of you have been hurt so much more than me - i was abused just once
i cannot imagine the pain you have, how you do it
i don't feel like i belong here
don't feel like i deserve to be here
please tell me i can stay
 
ShyBear,

You are a victim of sexual abuse. You are always welcome here. We are here to support each other in every part of our life. Abuse is terriable in any form. It is an evil thing that was done to us. We have learned to live with it and draw enegry from it.


lots of love, Nathan
 
Shybear,

Why would you not be allowed to stay? If you were abused once or a million times, you have a place here.

I do not think we have met, my name is Casey. Glad to meet you.

You are in a lot of pain right now. I know how bleek it can make the world appear. But, you will always get through it, and find the light of a brand new day.

Please remember, you are not alone. Do not feel you are not worthy of being here just because you were only abused once. All that matters is that you were. I feel for you, and I hope this can bring you some relief. You are never alone, my brother. THeir are always men here who care for you. PLease, find your strength. You can get through this. Just take some deep breaths and trust in your own power and strength.

Casey
 
Dear ShyBear,

You've got every right to be here. Many of us have felt that sense of beign overwhelmed by other people's stories. Don't deny yourself your pain or your need for healing. I hope you stick around -- it does me good that you're here.

Peace-
 
So many of us have times when we feel unworthy of being here. Probably as many different reasons as there are people.

But think about this...

If everyone who felt unworthy decided to stop coming, we might all be alone again. What good would that do.

You are not alone. And when you come here and share, even the feelings of being overwhelmed, than I realize I'm not alone either.

Please stay.
 
Shybear,

Once is far too often, we wouldnt say to someone who was raped, it only happened once, be thankful it didnt happen more often. Do stay.

Take care,
Rustam.
 
Hello Shybear,

It's good that you feel comfortable enough here to let your thoughts and feelings out, especially those that are telling you that you don't belong here.

I'm glad that you came and posted that today, first so that I can tell you that you do deserve to be here. You deserve a happy recovery from the effects of sexual abuse, no matter how many times it happened.

This is the place to explore all of the emotions that are triggered by open and honest sharing by other survivors. That is how we help each other here at MaleSurvivor.

By sharing yourself with others here in a safe place, you help yourself, which is primary and you also get an opportunity to help others who may be feeling the same way, but don't for some reason have the means to express it just yet.

Thanks for your honesty and openness.

By the way, to me tears are a wonderful way to cleanse the windows through which I view my world. Plus crying releases natural anti-depressants into our system.

Take care and come back,

Regards,
 
It's a funny thing that we're so hard on ourselves. I mean, would we ever say to a woman, "You were only raped once. What are you crying about?" Never. Once is all it takes. And it doesn't matter if we're old or young, whether we show the feelings or act "stoic" as another post put it, the pain and the training to be worthless is there.

You know, the abuse makes us feel so unworthy and that we're never good enough, it's like our abuse wasn't even "bad enough" for other people to feel for us. I've felt that.

You're in the right place. If your abuse wasn't so bad, you wouldn't be in so much pain. That's why we're here for you. Take care.
 
SkyBear
We are all welcomed here because we need each others help to move forward with our own healing.
Come read write and share with us. Tom
 
Shybear,

Of course you can stay. You are needed here.

This may sound odd, but thank you for crying and hurting for us.

I have found in the past few years that it has gotten easier to tell the truth, easier to tell my story, but harder to listen, harder to express or even acknowledge the pain and despair I feel when I hear what happened to others.

It breaks my heart again and again when I see a new member has joined this board; when I read or hear a news story about abuse; when a young man or teen comes here and tells his story.

When I hear the statistics, whichever figures you accept, let's say one in six males is sexually assaulted by age 16, I can't help but think of how many males I know age 16 or over.

Pick any five and I am the sixth. Pick any 11, and the odds are that there is another one. Go to a concert or just the mall and count the males walking by; every sixth was abused. Or eighth or tenth, or whatever. How can this still go on?

Sometimes I wonder what type of world we live in. What kind of people, society are we?

Antwoine Fisher asked "Who will cry for the little boy?". Lots of people saw Derek Luke read Antwoine's poem in the movie, but not many remember that he answered the poem right afterward. "I will", he said.

Sometimes I think I have no more tears left. Weeks, months can go by where I cannot cry for anyone but myself or my family.

But I always remember the things that made us cry, and I always will.
 
Originally posted by Andrew:
ShyBear,
Fortunately, we don't keep score around here.
Peace, Andrew
Click to expand...
What Andrew said, and everyone else.

Jon
 
Shy Bear. I remember the first time I was ever stung by a bee. I was six years old and now I'm almost 60. I remember every detail. I remember how bad it hurt. I remember sitting down and trying to take out the stinger because one of my friends told me that would help. I remember that we put baking soda on it to try to make it stop hurting. Didn't help. But most of all, I still look in the grass every time I walk there for bees. That sting made an impression I'll never forget. Other people have been stung, many of them more times than I have, but that doesn't make that sting I got that day hurt any less in my mind, and it doesn't make the memory go away, and I could never feel the same about bees ever again...I know that not all bees are out to get me, but I don't trust them any more. And I think I cried, quite a bit....in front of my friends....and I was embarrassed.

Please stay with us, Shybear The people who have never stepped on a bee can be kind and can comfort you, but they simply can never understand exactly your pain. Bobby
 
My therapist made a good point yesterday. He said he had a client one time that had been SA but showed absolutely no symptems of SA. The guy was in there for something else. The difference was the client was given help immediately, the truth came out in the open right away, and the guy had a loving and supporting family.

I don't think for any of us here that we can say we had that kind of support back when we were SA. Maybe I could say, "It only happened one time," but that isn't true. It was a lifestyle of abuse with family that we couldn't talk to about it. There was no support, no truth. Abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens around people that are generally secretive, controlling, and selfish. And whether the SA happened once or however many times, maybe that wasn't even the worst of it. Maybe the worst was that we had no hope, nowhere to turn, and no one to love us unconditionally. A lot of my syptems are more about trying to find love and get people to accept me. Living in a household where we don't get that fundamental need, love--maybe that's abuse enough to be in pain. It's certainly enough for me to need help. And that's why we're here, isn't it?
 
ShyBear,

We have all been there, we all have felt the insecurity that you feel now. One of the best things about this site is that you don't need to translate, we understand. Once or however many times is too many times. This is a place to help you heal.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
ShyBear
when I started group therapy I sat next to a younger man than myself, and we all told the group briefly, in turn, about the way our lives had been affected by our sexual abuse.

We both had remarkably similar efects from the abuse, we'd done drugs and drink, sexual acting out, depression and a whole pile of crap that you see so often here at MS.

But he had been abused once, a man had made him masturbate him, and I had suffered 4 years of almost daily abuse.

The details don't matter, it's how we process those details as we grow into men that matters.
There is no league table for abuse, it's all bad.

Dave
 
Originally posted by Bobby:
Shy Bear. I remember the first time I was ever stung by a bee. I was six years old and now I'm almost 60. I remember every detail. I remember how bad it hurt. I remember sitting down and trying to take out the stinger because one of my friends told me that would help. I remember that we put baking soda on it to try to make it stop hurting. Didn't help. But most of all, I still look in the grass every time I walk there for bees. That sting made an impression I'll never forget. Other people have been stung, many of them more times than I have, but that doesn't make that sting I got that day hurt any less in my mind, and it doesn't make the memory go away, and I could never feel the same about bees ever again...I know that not all bees are out to get me, but I don't trust them any more. And I think I cried, quite a bit....in front of my friends....and I was embarrassed.

Please stay with us, Shybear The people who have never stepped on a bee can be kind and can comfort you, but they simply can never understand exactly your pain. Bobby
Click to expand...
Very well put Bobby.

Jon
 
Thanks guys.

I balied after writing that post, too terrified to come back, didn't for several days.

I was so afraid of what you all would say - or worse, that you'd say nothing at all.

Wow, did you show me !

Thanks ...
 
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