Hurt Myself, possible trigger

Hurt Myself, possible trigger
F

FlyWM

Registrant
I am not proud of this, but the other night I gave in to the urges and voices and cut myself so bad I needed stitches. Since that happened I have been feeling even worse about myself. I am just so scared, even though the doctor has me on two medicines to stop the voices they just keep on and still get so bad. I just hope sometime it can get better, I'm just scared it won't, the voices are so bad even now, trying hard not to hurt myself again, but it is very hard to not hurt myself. I am just so scared about it all. Thank you for reading this, and I'm sorry.

scott
 
Scott,
I'm really sorry things are tough for you right now. Moment by moment is sometimes the only way to survive. It must be really terrible with all that noise in your mind. Sometimes I kinda yell and scream in my head, at myself , I guess. It can make me very confused. Feels like I'm in amovie or something!
I'm starting to try and understand that this survival we are doing has ups and downs. Sometimes, when its not so bad, there is some relief some respite at least. When it gets tough, well, not to much seems to help.
Except that somewhere in my mind I still try and hold on. Even if it is just for a minute at a time.
I'm glad you wrote about what's happening to you now. It helps me see how others are also struggling for survival. So when I fall down, I think of you and the others who got back up and, okay I'll try again.
Peace be with you Scott, and with all of us.
Printer
 
Scott,

I'm here and i understand.

You had a relapse. So what? I've been on the downward spiral of one for a few weeks, The important thing is that you KNOW that you need to get better, and you're DOING something about it. I am so proud of you for doing what you're doing.

Sometimes, we hang by a thread. We need to get by just one more day, hour, minute, whatever. You ARE getting by one more day, hour, and minute. You WILL get by. You're the kind of person who survives. You already have done so, and I know you'll do it again.

Let me help you if you need it. Maybe we can quiet our ghosts together.

And a relapse is nothing to be ashamed about, okay. You're still the same person whose been coming here,and that person is one of my heroes.

Hang on a little while longer, my brother. It will get better. You will get better.

PM me if you need me.

Peace and love, Scott.

Scot
 
Scot - sorry you're on a low ebb at the moment. Just a suggestion, try printing off some of the posts/responses form this site. When all that stuff starts in your head, try reading the printouts to yourself in a soothing voice...it's a bit like a relaxation tape... might not shut the other voices up, but it may counteract them. You can think of the people here that are supporting you.

I was told that the voices in my head were a distraction to prevent me overcoming my issues. Since I started talking about my issues, the distractions have faded...not gone completely , but no longer a major distraction.

Stay strong....Rik

To give you hope...my voices were deafening just before Christmas....now I don't quite understand the silence that's there.
 
scott - i hear you - i am sorry things are so bad it must seem frightening - we are here for you on this site -
if at all during these panics -
try to focus on slowing your breathing if you can - this sometimes helps me and what i was told to do by a therapist -
also -
I realized that stress - does this to me as well -
especially when i need to do something and/but i do not know what to do - does this make sense??
i self abuse - when i am not sure what to do -
i try to get away from it through structuring time and breathing - and walking (phsyical activity) or tv or something -
- i hope this helps - this is what i have been taught -
you are special scott - hang in there -

mark gb
 
your self worth is important to me -
because you are so valuable -
please believe it-
if not all at once - a little each moment -
day to day
-mgb
 
Scott, like you I tried to damage myself. Not by cutting but as a prostitute when I was 20 finding the meanest freakiest customer and letting him do anything he wanted to me. After getting off the street I used to act out the same way. Many times I was badly hurt. It was my way of telling myself I was a real shit. Tell you what I did though. At first I used to beat the shit out of a pillow pretending it was my perps and customers. I would get really wound up and vicious with that pillow and many times I completely tore a pillow to shreds.
Many years later I went into the bush with a close friend who was there to protect me from myself. I took a baseball bat and found a great big tree that I substituted for a pillow. For about 10 minutes I hit that tree sort of half heartedly and then I really got mad cause my hands got sore. I continued to hit that tree and scream at my perps until I could not lift my arms and my hands were bloody. I wound up sitting at the base of the tree bawling my eyes out.

But it was like a release valve for me. Now when I work out I pick a dumbell that is just a little to big for me and take my anger out on it by lifting where I should not be able to. It hurts after but again it is a release valve.

The steam just dissapaites and I can return to normal till the next time.

Just a thought. But it worked for me. If you go after a tree be sure and have support to make sure that you dont hurt yourself.
 
Thank you all for responding here, it truly means a lot and helps me feel kinda better, so thank you all.

scorr
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top