Hurt Deep Inside

Hurt Deep Inside
P

pedroarturo

New Registrant
Hi everyone.

I found this website by googling and surfing the net. These last weeks it's been really tough. I was raped when I was a boy aged 6. It all happend as a game. I had no idea of what was really going on. Later on, my mom explained to me what was "to be raped" adn I knew that had happened to me. Time passed, child neighbors who raped me started to bother me and soon I adopted some queer moods. At the time I was in high school, mates also bothered me the same way cuase of my soft voice and my dislike of sports. Now I'm 24 and i don't really know if I'm gay or not. I've never had any sexual intercourse with a man besides the rape experience. But when a see handsome guys, I like them, maybe cause I'm not like them and would love to be like them. I was so desperate that I went out to find a prostitute. Actually, I've done that twice but I couldnot get an erection. Now I have a girlfriend. She loves me so but I don't. But i think having her with me can help building male gender. Besides, she's never had sex with anyone, same as me. So we'll both start having sex next month. Can someone help? Am I in the right way?
 
Pedro,
Wow. Welcome to the site and glad you found us. You've got a lot on your plate. Is there anyway you can talk to a therapist? We all need help sorting this stuff out. Are you gay? who knows! That is only part of the larger issue of dealing with your abuse. Take it all slowly. Read the posts here. Post when you can and don't put pressure on yourself for sex right now. Take care of yourself.
Paul
 
Pedro,

Seeing a therapist would be a big help. You might find a therapist that does couples counseling as well ... if both of you feel safe/comfortable enough for this step.

Sounds as though the both of you have talked about having sex which is great. I think the more you both honestly talk about your preferences of what you want to happen and not happen as well as things you are worried about the less anxiety you have when you actually have sex.

A question I have is what do you both of you define as sex or sexuality? A simple kiss or rubbing up against each other with clothes on can be sexual. Where I'm going with this is that there are soooo many non-intercourse activities that you can both enjoy while taking things slowly. You can experiment with several activities that do not involve penetration.

I was in a siutation of being 28 years old and being very experienced (not necessarily in a good way) sexually with a 21 year old girlfriend who was a virgin. I asked her what she wanted from her first time. What would make her comfortable from candles to music and pacing. We spent 4 months enjoying several types of sexual activities that did not involve oral sex or intercourse. I never ejaculated even with those activities which was fine. For the first time of having intercourse, I did not expect to even ejaculate or go for hours with intercourse in various positions. I did expect for her to want to stop at any time and just kiss. I'm talking about how its okay if either one of you wants to stop and just kiss would be great. And that having intercourse may actually take a while before you're both comofortable with it. Her because physically it will be more painful than enjoyable. I remember that it was months before my girlfriend at the time acutally enjoyed the physical part of sex after the first time of intercourse. Which was fine by me since I was learning how to connect with her more emotionally than physically.

Hopefully someone on here or in your life can be of more help.

Courage-Spirituality-Courage
 
Pedro,

welcome, you have issues regarding sexuality and there is a forum for that.
This girl sounds good for you, and I am glad you have her in your life,

ste
 
Hi again and thanks to everyone for their support and advice. Certainly, I'm seeing a therapyst. We've talked about it and what he told me was that I should start discovering erotism, what turns me on from women. So, as he knows I have a girlfriend, he also told me that I should approach her sexually. That's what I've been doing lately. Me and my girlfriend have been experimenting different sexual activities not envolving sexual intercourse nor oral sex. Just rubbing, kissing or being tiedly hugged and as a matter of fact, I'm so glad to say that those activities really turn me on and i get erections. So, i think whenever the time comes for first sex, I'll do good.

Besides that, I forgot to say that I completely felt in love with 2 girls before. That was about 1 year ago or so. But they refused to be my girlfriends. That was really hard. I'm still in love with one of them. And when I'm a bit depressed I think of her and cry. This sucks! I know that if she would be here with me by my side, I'd not have all this mess in my head.

Thanxs guys!
Keep posting!
That really helps!
 
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