Hurt and angry (TRIGGERS!)

Hurt and angry (TRIGGERS!)
C

crisispoint

Registrant
I got more memories back. That sonofabitch made me f**k him!

HE MADE ME F**K HIM IN THE MOUTH!

He said I "wanted" it because I got aroused. I wanted it because I was active.

WELL, YOU F**KING FREAK, HOW COULD I NOT?! YOU HELD ME ON YOUR F**KING HEAD. YOU MADE ME F**K YOUR MOUTH WITH YOUR HANDS PULLING ME AND PUSHING ME!

Little Scot blames himself. A CHILD BLAMES HIMSELF FOR WHAT YOU MADE HIM DO!

F**K YOU, YOU GODDAMN BABYRAPING MOTHERF**KER!

I'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.

he made me. i didnt want to and he made me.

he said i wanted it. i didn't

:mad: :mad:

:( :( :(
 
scott,

i am right with you. let it out.

mine made me too, he manipulated me. we are not at fault. mine made me do all those things too. he spread his own all over me too. over and over for about 7 months, he made me his g/f. i was only 10 .

get sick thinking about the sick bastard doing it.

he was a "trusted" coach.

he was a pedohile, maniopulater, bastard. he made me what i am. he f ----- me up a bit too.

screw him, we gotta hang and make it . my t helps, this helps, my meds help a bit. still pissed about it and still not well about it.

affects me in everything i do, just started realizing this though a few months ago. pretty sucky process to go through.

i feel for you. take care, peace is what we need.

guy
 
Crisispoint,

RAGE, ANGER, PAIN, HURT!!!

I feel the same way, my attacker made me think that I wanted it. I even tried to convince myself afterwards that I did. I wanted everything to go away. I wanted to forget, but I didn't. Who in the hell can?

I was so out of control so out of my body at the time. Hard alcohol and pills. I was mumbling, freakin' mumbling. He kept on going. God, how I wanted it to end, how I wanted it to end?

I even went down on him for a second, gagged, laid back and just drifted in my mind. In a sense I floated off to Nevernever Land. I was a zombie at that point. I just froze and let him use me. I didn't run, I didn't put up a fight, I just froze. Man, I lost all human feelings. I didn't feel, I shut down and became numb. I think that contributed to me thinking that I wanted it or that I some how deserved it. I didn't even start to feel anger over the situation until about a month ago.

Let it out brother.
Take it easy,
Fusion
 
Scot,

I am so sorry that you have to deal with all this pain. Yes, he was a bastard. All of them are.

But it is part of your path to healing. I will say what you already know again: It was not your fault. It wasn't even his fault. It was his evilness. Fault in that case is too nice a word.

Take strength in the fact that your healing is his defeat. He didn't win, because you are here. With us, the ones that love you.

Peace,

Marc
 
Scot, Guy, Fusion,

God, you guys talk about what happened to me. You talk about it as I talk about it. It is your story, it is my story. It was my shame, it was my guilt.

Can I do anything, in the time that I have left, to help any of our brothers to think and feel better of themselves?

How old were we at the time?

My God, did I read that children of 13 are supposed to be responsible enough to not let things like that happen to themselves?

***********POSSIBLE TRIGGER***********

What did my therapist ask me?

"Where were you when he first started to molest you?"
I was camping with him, I said.

"Where were you camping with him."
He took me to a deserted camp ground, I said.

"Where was the campground?"

It was only then, almost since it happened, that I remembered that night in late May that he took me to a deserted campground, 8500 feet above sea level, high in the Sierra Nevadas.

"Where would you have gone," my therapist asked, "if you thought about getting away."

How long did I sit in the therapist's office, without saying a word, thinking about that question? Why hadn't I thought about that before? Where the hell WOULD I have gone if I thought to get away?

It was two o'clock in the middle of the night. It was freezing. He had put the sleeping bags together. I didn't have anything on except for my underwear...he had taken my shorts off...I wasn't going anywhere.

All of those things, that you talked about, happened to me during the next several years, but I guess I couldn't have gotten away that first night...I was just 13.
How old were you?

Peace, courage and strength,

David
 
THEY were the adults and THEY were supposed to know right from wrong! :mad:

That's a dumb statement because THEY DID KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG! That is why they were so good at hiding what they did! :mad: They knew it was wrong! :mad:

Why couldn't the grownups just protect us like they were supposed to? :(
 
****************triggers*******************
*******************************************
*******************************************

I was fourteen but emotionally I was a small child. And boy do I have problems relating to the little Archnut, as I still think I should have done something but I couldnt. I was terrified of having the police come up the front path. I was more frightened of that then possibly being labeled gay (this is the early seventies and attitudes have changed somewhat)as thats what I was told that I was "very proberbly gay or at the least bisexual" Im not homophobic but that scared the f$*ing life out of me and that identity crisis was still with me when i got married twelves years ago.

Today I'm totally obsessed with paedophiles and Childhood Sexual Abuse and I know that I am obsessed with my abusers. The first thing I think of on waking is Chris Denning. Its almost become a ritual.

Im pretty sure that I get my self worth from just my abuse.

"Without my abuse"

"I am nothing".

The only real positive thing I have done with my forty seven years was to tell the police who my abusers were.

Chris Denning, Rob Randall, Deniz Corday, Ronnie Remnant and some deluded prat named King and others

This make sense to anyone? Please

Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
((((((((((Scot))))))))))))))
((((((((((Little Scot))))))))))))

I don't know what to say my friend. 'I'm sorry' seems so very not adequate. There is nothing else that will do.

Please know your friends are here for you, always.

Leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top