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*** Possible Triggers ***

When i had just started uni i was still very much naive and pretty much still a kid. I joined a fraternity and after a few months i got the change to move into a fraternity house. Once i moved in, i learned that we had a struggle with our neighbours (from the same fraternity). I didn't think much of it when i heard about it.

In my first year there was a party of a person from my year at the neighbours. I went there and was having a good time, until i had to go to the toilet. Before i knew what was happening, 5 of the neighbours had entered into the toilet and as they held me, they started peeing on me. I was stunned, couldn't quite comprehend why they would do such a thing. After they had finished, i cleaned myself as good as i could and went back to the party as if nothing had happened. Not much later i left the party and went home next door.

I have never told any of my roommates. Just like with the abuse, i just pushed it away and tried not to think about it. As the memories of the abuse came back, i also started to feel enormous rage towards these 5 who humiliated me so badly. I felt the despair, not knowing why they did it and the pain of being humiliated yet again. With the years came the moments where i could allow myself to feel the rage. Really mad as hell rage.. and again, that big question screaming WHY?

Nowadays i can start to feel more compassion towards myself and the sadness. Sadness for having experienced this and not being able to speak about it. But i now know that i am ready to share this story with my roommates. And share it here too. As an act of empowerment. I just did what i knew. And now i know that i can do things differently. I have learned to talk about these issues. I have learned to feel my pain and staying with that pain.

And to the 5 i'd like to say PISS OFF. I don't know why you did it, whether you had to proof yourself to eachother. I used to be scared of you. But now i just feel sorry for you.. you had no reason to do what you did. But you have to live with it.. I will grow beyond it, will you too?
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