Humiliation and Triggers

[Sean Simms]

This should be titled "shit, urine, triggers!" so if that doesn't scare you please read on.

When I was a teenager an older boy took me and rubbed my face in dog shit. I tried to fight him but got beat up.

My mom also used to wake me up at night by rubbing my face with urine and screaming at me.

Anyone have similar experiences? How have you dealt with it? I still want to whip the guy's ass.

Thanks,
Sean Simms

 

[Oz]

Dear Sean,

I personally haven't ever had anything involving 'shit' or 'urine' happen to me but it really highlights to me how foul and immoral some people can be. Who in their right mind would want to do that to a person!? Things like that are just something I've never been able to get my head around. I was bullied real bad in year 8 of school. Up until that stage my life was cruising and I didn't have many worries in the world. After the first month of getting called names and the odd physical attack by these guys it was starting to cut me. After the second month I was real confused. After the third month I wanted to die. And that's the way it was for another 6 bloody months and no one did anything about it.

So, despite never being involved in the stuff you mentioned, I have had some pretty cruel treatment thrown my way. It isn't nice, makes you feel like a geek and is absolutely devastating on self-confidence. BUT, in the end it is just a testimony at how the only way they can stay on top is to keep others down. Fortunately for people like us, these people's behaviours will always get the better of them and they will take a huge slide in life but because they've treated others like shit, noone will want to help them back up.

I don't really know what to say for your situation except that some people are just ****s.

Cheers,
Peter

 

[Rustam]

Triggers.


Hi Sean,
This is not the same but its close in some ways.

I used to sleep with my brother when both of us were still wetting the bed at five and six. Sometimes due to her own anger our mum would check us in the night. She would put her hand on the sheet and if she found it wet she would be furious and wipe her hand on us. She would shout and we would blame each other. She would say you can lie in it I am not washing after such filthy boys.

I sometimes pooed my pants as a kid quite late. I think it was about being so out of touch with my body by then and being good at pretending nothing was happening. She would get furious; sometimes she would show it to me and make me smell it by shoving my nose in it, thats how I train a dog she would laugh. Sometimes I had to stand soiled in a corner with the rest of the family staying far away from the smelly boy. The shame and fear were more than I could bear so I would go away in my head.

Once I helped my little brother when he had done the same I washed him and his underwear. He was crying and I was giving him a hard time for it, thinking that would stop him, I was trying to protect him from her. I was 11 and he was six.

As for dealing with that; for me the biggest thing has been to try and not feel ashamed of myself, What moves me on from the shame is anger, so I get angry with the mother, which I find hard as she was kinder that the father. Getting angry and finding safe ways to express that, violent fantasies about doing the same to her, when she was ill and helpless. I have found seeing boys that age helpful, they are so small and innocent and imagining that happening to them gets me in touch with how angry I am. How cruel and horrid mums can be.

For me I think talking/writing about it puts it out there and reduces the humiliation and shame I carried with it.

Its really nasty stuff you are dealing with I dont know if its useful to know but I think I can understand what you have been through. I would still want to whip that guys ass too.
Rustam

 

[Brayton]

I think (at least, hope) that experiences such as yours are rare.

Its hard to measure degrees of humiliation, as each child is different (of course) but your's must far exceed many others in its hatefullness.

Please keep in mind that I am not suggesting that my experiences are the same as your's in severity.

I was humilated as a little kid by having my head and shoulders held down in the wet ground while they molested me. I remember the feel, smell and taste of the wet dirt, and the rotting twigs and leaves, first, against my face, and then lower, as they humiliated me and made threats.

I wet the bed and was shamed about it a great deal. I was taken to a pediatrician (at the supposedly great Mayo Clinic) and was forced to remove my clothes while I was talked about in shaming and desparaging terms as if I was not there.

I was forced to sleep on a urine soaked mattress every night until a new one with a thick plastic cover was substituted. The sound and the feel of the plastic was a nightly reminder of my shame.

I was forced to wash out my pajamas that my mother had made out stiff (scratchy) red material. Red! like a shaming Puritan.

I finally 'grew out' out of bedwetting but the unseen injuries have stayed with me to this day just as at certain times of the year, a walk in the woods takes on a shroud of dark fear.

 

[reality2k4]

I remember so much bedwetting, the truth is, I was so terrified to go to the toilet.

I always pleaded with my older brother, please don't ever close the bedromm door! But he closed it every time he came in, I waited for so long for him to go to sleep, I would then open it.

If I awakened through the night, the door had to be open, I could be so afraid of going to the toilet!! I would see monsters on the ceiling, and on the walls, God knows what a closed door would bring.

I peed the bed so many times, because my brother would close that door, he did not know the hurt a closed door did to me, I felt that if I opened the door, he would be the perp would be behind it.

Peeing the bed became the norm, better than facing the abuse, parents blame for wetting the bed, getting your nosed rubbed in it like a dog, rather that than have to face a monster! behind the door.

Parents really don't understand the hurt the kid goes through. A kid never pisses in the bed unless he really has to through the sheer terror of the unknown, of going out of his bed####

Too terrified to go for a pee in your own house?

Nightmsres and night terrors?

ste

 

[Bryan]

Yes, Mom the ballerina smeared my face with sh** too, since I was not the loveable ballerina she wanted (neither were my two older brothers). She defended this act for years with *That:s what you do with dogs isn:t it?* My physical (and eventually sexual) perpetrator witnessed this and I think it was training him for his Masterpieces of later abuse. The single act of smearing was inhumanly insane as it was, but only after complaining some years later that I was not a dog did Mom change this to *That was really stupid*, which I still insist does not match her inhumanity and at least the Dog comment had some truth to it (namely my mother:s Nervous Breakdown Cause/AKA Father).

Since confronting my family with Overall Abuses 3.5 years ago, I have not had much contact with them and it:s very painful to have lost my family in this process, but ultimately I have gained some measure of respect from not interracting with people as demented as my Hollywood (literally) family that only talks about good things and cannot process Guilt (and so transfer It to me...no thanks, no more, not in the Contract!). Humiliation is unsatifactory a term, Horrific is more like it...this is Horror Movie stuff, not Childhood. AKA Serious Emotionally Abusive behaviour like this is part of an unacceptable pattern of behaviour that isn:t often limited to *merely* Emotional Abuse　- it often progresses to Verbal, Physical, and Sexual Abuse. This in turn then to Drug/Alc Abuse. Mom still refuses to reword this as I have requested and I will not have a workable relationship with here until she does, that:s my take on my situation...it has to be recognized for what it was\INSANE. This speaks of my one instance verbally reinforced thru years, I don:t wanna think of the >1 times for you, but god I know yer feeling, bless ya. This was not the dignity you deserved, know that! Luckily, you and I now know/recognize this and as such have become more than mere Animals which more aptly describes our perps. You are up and walking, Great Man, keep going forward with a determined look on your face and not the memory of what others put there once. Thanks for sharing, this has bothered me bigtime too!

 

[Sean Simms]

Thanks for all your responses. They have really helped.

Sean