humiliation and effect TRIGGERS

humiliation and effect TRIGGERS
R

reality2k4

Registrant
How many of us have felt humiliation and it's effects during the abuse?

The abuse on me was with someone I didn't know, caught in the park public toilets taking myself and my brother for a pee.

Hey this is it...

Marched into a cubicle having been given the enticement, or should I say forced into the spiders web.

Frightened, terrified, wishing it wasn't happening, praying for it to end before it even starts, glancing in his eyes fleetingly, at the menacing looks, he never said a word, don't know whether he was local because nothing was said, never needed to be.

Absolute terror, shaking, body reacting, heart racing, like an animal in a pit cornered by it's prey.

Sorry animals but you dont do these things in the animal kingdom.

Glances at my brother, wondering whether we can escape this maniac, us not me.

No escape made to touch the filthy b*stard look of lust on the perps face as his prey is gasping for the dank air in a filthy toilet, which smelt better than he did, undressing me and playing, with the rag doll he had cornered.

Making me do things to him, or he threatened to do things to my little brother, who I just had to protect with my life, even at that age you protect your little brother, there you go he had the tools to make me do it, clever hey.

Waiting for the violence, looking for escape. hoping and praying for an end to this, what have I done? Just playing in the park.

Never got to the grand final where he wanted me to s*ck it, the pressure was still on, and the boy said if I do that to you, you will not be a man anymore, you will be a eunuch, yes I decided I was going to take the chance and bite right thru the beasts urge, at least they would have caught him, cos you know how much strength I had waiting in my jaws, I would have willingly took it away and buried it with everything else.

But no

somebody came into the toilet, I had to make the break, he was so menacing, telling me to keep quiet with on hand on my throat, I was so terrified but managed to gulp help us, help us, the voice from the other side said are you alright?

The beast asked me to pretend we were his kids, and tell him to go away, I took the chance and cried, help us again, the creep opened the door and fled before this guy had time to respond.

Never been in a public toilet since, I wonder why? even as an adult.

Myself and my brother have never been able to talk about the abuse, even though I have tried.

They only ever humiliate you once.

By the way, the perp was never found, but you can find him in HELL with the rest of them.

He made my life HELL

Hell is in Hello

But we survive because we do, even if it's in a fashion.

It's life Jim but not as we know it...Quote

Peace,Love,Understanding?

WE can,We should,We hope,Some pray, it's the only way sometimes in the World of Chaos

Peace

ste
 
Oh, brother. That was hard to read.

But yes, humiliation has its effects. In my case, it kept me quiet. It was another tool he used to keep me quiet. Theatening me that my father would throw me our and my mother would hate me. The world knowing I was a rotten little QUEER. That everyone would know what a vile, dirty little boy I was.

Crap. Utter crap. The only humiliation these bastards should ever experience is their own, for it's THEIR crime, THEIR sin, NOT ours.

And you aren't keeping this monster's vile, disgusting little secret anymore. I'm so proud of you for telling on him.

Yes, Hell is for these people. I laugh loud and long at the thought of mine frying there.

It makes me a bad Christian, but who the Hell cares? We've EARNED that priviledge!

Peace and love, my friend.

Scot
 
The humiliation is what makes it a perfect crime for these freaks of nature. Mine told me, and I was old enough to know he was right, that if I told my parents, everyone in the small town we lived in would know. My girlfriend, my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and all of my classmates in high school. "They will all know that you were fu**ed by a man." It was true! They all would. These freaks are 99% sure that none of their prey is going to say a damn thing. We all just carry it to our graves. I haven't been to a therpist, yet, but if I never go to one, this site has done me more good than anything I can ever remember as far as sexual abuse goes. I hate it that we are here, but at the same time I thank God for each of you. I can finally tell someone about the humiliation!
 
Hi Scot

thanks for you're support, most kids go thru nightmares, but when the nightmares are real, It's a totally differnent thing.

Frightmares are as bad as what you see in the little boy in sixth sence, but, as brilliant he was as an actor, when you live with this it's only you and us who have actually witnessed the extreme terror that was instilled in us. But that was only "fiction"

We have witnessed and had to deal with the terror and still be the normal little boy. Most folks can't deal with that question.

It doesn't turn you Queer being molested by a filthy old man, it's more likely to turn you off men, hyper vigilance comes to mind, but then hyper seemed to attract abusers more than the event, because you are the forelorne kid lookin for love, and the abusers think you are their prey.

Peace Love and maybe Understanding

We are all one if we need be

ste


Might as well drill a hole through my head with a one inch bit, or maybe four inches doesn't matter about the size, it's the interntion
 
My brother,
I think the humiliation of what was done to me was worse than the act itself. It took away all my security and self-esteem. But, I am learning to get his venom out of my veins!
Casey
 
After three years of the abuse, one night I woke up feeling that ruff hand on my privets. I held still, pretending to wake up slowly. He removed his hand, and when he was sure I was awake he said, " You're just a little queer." That was the last time he ever touched me.

I have carried that humiliation for 40 years.

That is a big part of what sexual abuse against male children is all about. The depraved make them selves whole by offending the spirit of their victims.

Aden
 
Hi Aden

yeah we get the picture, but don't hold yourself to being called anything by the b*stard.

Something lower than a low life who did this, what should "we call it"? Just hope the low life is paying for it.

Not still out there to do it to another.

They should have to carry a bigger burden than the humiliation and other shit that we are made to carry.

Remember, abuse of a boy never turns them gay, even though, yeah we all know the stigma that can follow and hurt if you let it.

Look after yourself

ste
 
Just a note to Rich

do the freaks forget that little boys grow into big strong men capable of meting revenge?

Or would they have moved away by then?

just a thought
 
Reality2k4,

My abuser was killed 6 months after he raped me. I got no revenge, but I sure carry the humiliation. I think that while revenge is sweet, it is also fleeting. The pain we live with inside is not fleeting at all. The only way to really pay them back is to do to them what they did to us and then we would be no better than them. I thought seriously about blowing his brains out, but thankfully I was sober enough to realize that I would be the one in prison for that. At least in this "prison", I can walk around and go anywhere I want.
 
Ste,

HUMILIATION, or should it be...humiliation.

What is that, something opposite of, pride, of dignity?

I was praying for your escape, all the way through your telling of that event.
I would encourage you to talk about it with your younger brother. You were protecting him then and he may need you now, as well. After all, he was standing there probably thinking that you were both going to die.
For me, it was so humiliating sitting at the dinner table provided for my 8th grade teacher and myself when we were sleeted out of our campsite. The resort folks took pity on us and invited us for dinner. Sitting around that table that night with that "normal" family...their son was my age and sitting across the table from me...was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. The night before had been a night of abuse for me...I couldn't even look that kid in the eye. He would look up at me and I would have to look away.
You were a brave boy then, and you're a brave man, now, for being here working on this shit.

Peace, Strength and Courage,

David
 
Hi Rich

My father tried to hunt this freak down when it happened, I hoped he would not find him, because he would have gone to prison for murder.

I had to walk the streets, always thinking he was going to come round the corner, I remember, he said something like I will kill you, and I know where you live.

When you're a kid you believe the shit, and they never get caught, you know, no testimonial if they get caught, the constant worry about other kids meeting this shit.

Doing jobs at school, just so he wasn't waiting at the school gate, for his little playmate, we know the fear they instill in little kids to get their own way on them.

Flunking exams to keep away from a high school which was closer to where the abuse took place et al, the list is endless.

still goes on

but someday

take care bud

ste
 
Just a note to Dave

sorry but my little brother will not go through this with me, tried when I was fourteen, tried again on a couple more occasions, but he will not discuss the subject.

I know he survived it a little better than I did, but who knows for sure?

You know,we are like twins in a lot of ways, we do so much walking, we get the same type of jobs, we like the same type of womEn, so many things are the same.

I think when I look back, someone was praying for us, it may have had a different outcome, as he was becoming so much more agitated as the seconds ticked by, more anger, more daring, the park was empty, I had no hope, then I hear these footsteps, the look on his face got so much more menacing, don't know how I got the courage to yelp out, but if I didn't, don't know what would have been.

Anyhow the humiliation is with us for life, we just have to get on with it

ste
 
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