myquietspace,
We are all different people, and have different personalities, abuse histories, medical situations, social and cultural circumstances, and what have you. So the specific things that work for one of us might be a disaster for another. And things you might enjoy in normal circumstances might upset you further if you are already feeling bad.
One thing to ask, perhaps, is what throws you into a blue funk in the first place? In other words, what triggers you in this way? Once you figure that out, the answer would be to try to avoid those things as much as possible.
One thing that gets me EVERY time is looking at my whole situation and dwelling on all the things that are wrong. That just floors me, and I can see that I am most susceptible to this when I am alone, everything is quiet, and I am not busy with anything. So right when I start feeling like that I know I have to get up and find something to do. Put on some music, squeak Bruno's purple rubber dinosaur and wait for 100 pounds of screaming german shepherd to charge into the room to play, whatever. I also tell myself that I can't solve everything at once and I have to give myself a break. I remind myself that I'm not alone, and that dealing with CSA is a terrible problem for any survivor.
But in general I try to identify what sets me off and then think what can I do, right when it starts, to recompose myself before things get out of control.
Actually, it's so cool you bring this up right now. I could feel myself falling apart this morning almost as soon as I got up. At first I thought I was just tired, but after awhile I could see, no, I'm headed into a mood. My wife and daughter are away right now, my son had gone to work, and I am alone with the dog. So I got up and turned on the TV and lo, I was saved! A triple-bill of Judge Judy! After an hour and a half of her I was ready to face the rest of my Thursday
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If you get ambushed or if things go pear-shaped anyway, I think the basic need is to get back to a place where you are feeling better about yourself and your situation. Again, how to do that will depend so much on the individual survivor. What are the things that give you joy and pleasure? What activities do you find the most diverting and enjoyable? Those things might help. But like I said already, watch out for things that you might like normally but not when you are upset.
So long as something helps (and isn't harmful), it doesn't matter what it is. You are doing this for you, not to please anyone else or prove your manhood or maturity. If you find stuffed animals comforting, hey, go for it. I have my roadrunner (of course) and a lovely cuddly hedgehog. Cartoons, fine. A children's book (if you have kids these will be laying around anyway), also fine. We all have an inner child to take care of bro; I am totally convinced of that.
One thing to remember in all this is that coping is NOT the same thing as making progress. Coping is just standing your ground and resisting bad feelings and memories. If it's possible to find things that help you cope AND help you make progress at the same time, that would be even better. How about journaling? Another thing I do is keep a collection of cool photographs around, pics that remind me that I am a good person and worth loving. But again, it's best to think about all this ahead of time. Pictures of yourself as a child, for example, might look nice when you are okay, but might trigger you all over the place when you are down.
I guess the bottom line is that it IS possible to find ways to cope, though it may be trial and error for awhile.
That's not to say it will always work, or even that it SHOULD always work. What happened to us is in my mind the worst thing that could happen to a boy. We have the right to grieve for the kid who was hurt, and he has the right to see that we love him enough to let those feelings out.
Take care and good luck,
Larry
