How life is at the moment.........and porn

[Clapton Fan]

Hi all

I have not posted for a while now so I thought I would share my half penny worth as to how life is at the present time.

At the present moment I'm finding life a hell of a lot easier since I broke down a few months ago over my projection of my best friends coming demise. I sobbed at the thought of being without him (Oliver - my dog, my wolf. Who has always been there for me even though when I first bought him I was still drinking, all through my breakdowns (mental or otherwise) Oliver woulkd always be there resting with his back against me. If I got up to go to the loo he would anticipate me and meet me there....... This sobbing session took place two months ago and my emotions have been all over the place. I feel tears welling up in my eyes when I see children no older than my three grandchildren in terror as war rages all around them......I have never felt like this before and in some ways it has "Loosened" me up, I'm beginning to relax so my wife says....I'm still baffled .

Seriously though things are going well. My obsession with all of my abuser has disappered for some unknown reason and I feel alright with that. I'm happy within myself for what seems the first time....I think my grandchildren have changed my whole outlook on life...amazing... My therapy is going well. I am very lucky that I belong to a group of guys (Six of us) who meet on a weekly basis. This group is an exception and not a rule here in the UK. Unfortuntely therapy for SA appears to be a rapidlly expanding market .

I forgot what originally caused me to post. As I have said everything is going alright except for one thing. I have returned to looking at porn (straight porn I hasten to add)and I'm trying to figure out why, cause I sure hate the guilt I feel after a viewing session .

Anyway thanks to all for posting on a wide variety of topics, there are pure nuggets of wisdom in a great majority of the posts.

Thanks also to the guy who brought the wolves into conversation I have been having many canine thoughts just recently because tomorrow my third grandchild is being christened, so I thought what would make a great present for when he can read, My all time favourite books, Jack London's "The Call of The Wild" and "White Fang".

If I knew how to post images I would intoduce you to my best friend Oliver. My beautiful dog

And all that was left was hope

Kirk

 

[Wuamei]

At the present moment I'm finding life a hell of a lot easier since I broke down a few months ago over my projection of my best friends coming demise. I sobbed at the thought of being without him (Oliver - my dog, my wolf. ....... This sobbing session took place two months ago and my emotions have been all over the place.

Kirk, good to hear from you again; I'm a Clapton fan, too.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your wolf Oliver.

I still remember when Zsa-Zsa (yes named after Zsa Zsa Gabor becuz she was so blonde) died. She was my grandmothers' dog & stayed with her, yet very much mine also.

Once when I was riding a bike with Zsa Zsa running beside me, a Bloodhound, a German Shepherd
& I think some kind of mongrel came after me. She sent them all scampering off tails tucked! She was small & gentle but became a snarling wolf if anyone messed with me or Grandma.

Still miss that dog. Can't have one tho, I'm allergic.

The kind of heavy grieving of loss is something I need to do, so I appreciate your post. I'll probably post more along these lines in Muldoon's thread on "What was lost".

I have returned to looking at porn (straight porn I hasten to add)and I'm trying to figure out why, cause I sure hate the guilt I feel after a viewing session .

Kirk I was finding more sexual sobriety from my porn (straight, too) DOC, but lately I've really struggled with it again. Viewing sessions like yourself, on the computer.

For me, this has involved a lot of stuff: increase
in activity, big change in schedule, some returned
or clarified memories that bring up issues I'm having to deal with, intimacy problems with my wife, flaring of my FM (fibromyalgia/chronic pain)
not sleeping well, overeating again.

Brings to mind the 12 steppers' acronym recently discussed here in another thread: H.A.L.T. = Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. I'm all four.

[QB]Thanks also to the guy who brought the wolves into conversation I have been having many canine thoughts just recently because tomorrow my third grandchild is being christened, so I thought what would make a great present for when he can read, My all time favourite books, Jack London's "The Call of The Wild" and "White Fang".

Man I love "The Call of the Wild"! I probably remember that story more vividly than any book I read in my childhood. In fact it's about the only one I remember very vividly. Had a copy for years & read it over & over.

No wonder I'm such a wolf!

You're grandchild will love those books.

You enjoy them too Kirk--again!

AAAHHHHWWWWWHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Victor