How it began and healing.
I like to say thank you for taking the time to reading my story. I just need to get it out there. I’m glad I found this place to talk about my abuse. I have talked a couple of good people here that are helping me with my story and journey to healing.
I know that there are many people in this world that suffered far worse abuse than I ever did. My heart goes out to who have suffered way worse than me. My hope is that some of you, that went through a non-violent abuse such as myself, can relate and perhaps know that they are not alone. It’s going to be a long story because I have a good memory and those memories live freely in my mind. I must warn you lots of Trigger warnings*.
I was sexually abused first by my uncle who at the time had moved in with us. He is to blame for how it molded me in to acting the way I did during my teen year until I was in my late thirties. He introduced me to I guess gay sex, crossdressing and acting like a sissy girl. Then my grandfather found out and joined in also and many after that. But after this I actually seek sex with older men. I guess that was my trauma, it’s like I needed to be fucked by older men. The only time I had sex with other male who was the same age as me was my cousin.
The encounter I had with my uncle threw me in a wind spin of emotions. I thought that this the way I had to act with older men. I had no idea it was wrong but was told that it was a secret and no one could know about it. My uncle and I had a full sexual relationship from the age of 10 to about the age of 14 then on and off from there. In which I kept quiet about, not mentioning it to nobody. My uncle had told me that this is the way men and boys do together but that is kept very secret. I did not know that it was very wrong.
Even when I found out that what I was doing with older men was wrong I did not stop. Why did I not stop? Because I grew to loving the attention that I was getting. Growing up my dad was in my life but not in my life if you know what I mean. My dad never showed me attention so when I was getting from my uncle I loved it. Yes I had daddy issues. Also my mom never checked on me at anytime it was like I was alone. I yearn for the attention from my dad and he never showed it to me. Even when I was an adult he never showed me that attention. To this date I don’t have a good relationship with my father. I love my dad don’t get me wrong. I still call him and are conversations on the phone are less then a minute.
When I was in my late thirties that’s when it hit me. I started to think of everything I had done as a child with all those dirty disgusting men. I started to think that I was not worth it, that I was just an object. I’m not gay at all I have a wife and 3 beautiful children. I had plenty of sex with the opposite sex but from the age of 10 to the age of 37 I engaged in homosexual acts. All the men I engaged with were old men at least 15-20 years older than me some way older. One thing that I’d was dress in girl clothing and act like girl towards them. I aged very slow and was hairless so this help out with them pervs.
One day I had to speak up and I confessed to my wife what I was doing. We both cried, I cried more on her shoulders as I told her everything. She agreed that I needed to talk to someone and I did. I talked to a pastor at are church who then found a support group. Something about me talking about it makes me feel good. I have no hatred towards my uncle or my father and mother. I blamed myself for a very long time allowing it to happen but it was not my fault. My uncle just had seen the vulnerability and took advantage of me and I let him do all sorts of things. I will explain in my story how my uncle was able to take advantage of me. But I found out a few years ago that he ended up going to jail for molesting all his granddaughters. That’s when my trauma started.
When I heard that news that he had gone to jail it hit me. I was just a child, who seek attention from an adult. I was not looking on doing the things he made me do. I was angry I was sad I did not know what to do. Until I told someone my loving wife of 20 years. But still being married I acted out with older men.
I expressed out towards other men that would show me attention. For many years I thought this was the way i had to act with men. Allowing them to do whatever they wanted with me. Playing there dark fantasies dressing up for them acting like a little girl. For me I was never forced or was treated wrong. I openly allowed men to have their way with me because of how my uncle treated me. In all my encounters I acted and dressed like a girl for them. What the men liked is that I sounded like a little girl. To this day I don’t know how I could manage to do it. I could change my voice and really sound like a female. Me talking about this helps me heal and the reason I’m here.
A person in my support group in which I still go mentioned this site. I been coming here for about a month but just joined a couple of days ago. Reading the stories really helps me with understanding what happened to me.
Here is my story on how I was abused. I’m going to get somewhat graphic on my story. It’s the only way I know how to tell my story. By telling the story from my own eyes helps me heal.
So like I said my uncle was my first abuser who started it all. I was 10 years old when it happened it was about 3 months before I turned 11. The year it started was in 1990. So before I was sexually abused by my abuser I had no clue about gay sex. Let’s face it guys when we were that young we all talked shit to each other like “your gay” “suck my dick” but we didn’t know what it was. Well I didn’t know what being gay was.
At the age of 10 I was little thing kinda chubby, hairless, I had little boy boobs that stuck out, and I was told I had a nice round butt. Thick thighs caramel complexion, and puffy pink lips. I’m just giving you an illustration on how I looked.
At home I had both parents and an older sister who at the time had just turn 12. My parents were in their early to mid 30’s when I was abused. My uncle was in his late forties I think he was 49 or 50. We lived in a small two-story home. My parents and sister rooms were up stairs and mine was down stairs I had my own shower (lucky me). This would give my abuser and I so much privacy to do things to me. My parents hardly ever would go into my room. The location of my room was far in the back that I could make so much noise no one would hear it. The location of my room was perfect place for my abuser to have his way with me. Since my parents never came into my room it gave him a lot more freedom on what to do with me.
I remember the day my uncle moved in with us like if it was yesterday. It was during the summer break in the beginning of a hot June month. I came racing towards my house in my bike. I had just left the public pool with my friends. I was shirtless and was wearing very tight swimming shorts. The kind that had my little ass cheeks sticking out. As I walked in the house my parents along with my uncle were at the table. I noticed his bags next to him. My uncle is my mom’s older brother.
I greeted him and asked to be excused. As I did I went to take a shower in my bathroom. When I came out I was wearing just my tiny Whiteys my uncle was on my chair in my room. He said “well looks like we are going to be roommates.” I notice him looking at me up and down but didn’t think nothing of it.
My uncle had moved in with us because he had lost his job and was divorced from his wife. I got along with my uncle before this he never made me feel uncomfortable. Never did I think he like doing what he did to me. That same day him and my father put a twin size bed in my room. My dad looked at me and said “it’s just temporary kid.” Of me growing up in that house up until the time I left my dad and mom probably walked in my room 5 to 10 times in my room.
The first couple of weeks nothing happened until my mom and dad had to go to a wedding that was 5 hours away. The wedding was on my dad’s side so my uncle was not going. The invitation said no kids so my sister and I could not go. My parents would be leaving on a Thursday and returning late Sunday evening. My sister being older she was taken to my aunts house to babysit are little cousins as my aunt and uncle went to the wedding with them. So I was left alone with my uncle. I did not think nothing of it plus he is my uncle he will protect me. Right?
I did not mentioned this but I’m Hispanic. So when I got home from a friends house it wasn’t to late. I walked in the house and my uncle was in the room. He said “hey mojito, how are you?” I told I was ok and that I was going to wash up. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him I said sure. When I was done I dressed up in a tank top and tight shorts with my whitey underwear.
I got out and he was in boxer shorts and a tshirt. My uncle was not good looking at all not muscular, he had a beer gut he was bald. Hairy chest and arms he was very hairy.
*Slight trigger warning*
Anyways the movie started and it was a Mexican movie. The movie was just a move not real not a porno. I remember the plot was a family of 4 it was a dad, mother son and their niece was with them. The niece was acting like a young teen girl, the actress was very hot in the movie. They had gone on vacation and went to some paintball place to enjoy the day. The niece in the move ended up being sexually assaulted in the movie by a way older staff member. The movie was very graphic on showing this girl almost fully nude and getting raped by this old man. It was a movie not real. But it had gotten me very hard seen her tits bounce, her screaming.
I think my uncle seen the way I was looking at the movie. Asked if I had ever seen a movie like this. I said no and asked if I was hard. I said “what” to him and he said hard like this and showed me his hard on while still wearing his boxers. He asked if he could see mine. I was very curious and lifted the covers. He then lowered his boxers down and his cock sprung out. I just looked at his hard cock as he stroked it up and down. He asked to see mine and I pulled my shorts and underwear down. But I was looking at his on how big and juicy it looked.
He asked me if I wanted to touch his cock and I just nodded. He laid out on his bed and pat the bed next to him. I went to him and I just touched it my hands could barely go around his thick shaft. When my hands touched his cock he said “oh that’s a good boy.” When I heard that I fell in love with him. The compliment that I was looking for had finally been given to me. I was accepted by a family member. My hand started to move up and down on his hard cock. He kept moaning and telling me I was doing a good job so I kept doing to please him. The compliments he was giving me I loved so much.
I had no idea what we were doing was so wrong. I was a very curious boy but at the same time I was loving his compliments towards me. I felt accepted by him by a father figure. That entire night we just jerked each other off with him cuming all over my hand.
In the morning we woke up and did not say anything about it. We were still alone as my parents were out of town and my sister at my aunts house. He told me “look J, what we did last night is what boys and men do together. But it’s a private game we play.” I should have know this was a red flag but I was more interested in making him love me. He said “so we have to keep quiet because if someone finds out then the game is over. Okay?” I said “okay tio, I won’t say anything.” I remember his grin he gave me like saying “his mine” and from that point on I was.
That night we did it again I jerked him off again with him cumming on my hands. Then this became a routine for us when we were alone in the room. I jerk his cock until he would cum on my hands or sometime he cum on my face. I remember it was like usual we get ready for bed and we wait a good hour then are little play time would start. I loved jerking him off. I loved more because of the compliments he gave me. His attention he gave me was wonderful that I finally felt wanted. The attention he gave me outside the room I loved it he take me to the store he treated me like his son. Something I have wanted to for so long. So I knew that if I just kept doing what he wanted he loved me.
Then one night he asked if I had ever tried to suck a cock I said no. Then he asked if I wanted to try to suck his cock. I was so into making him feel so good that I said “yes tio I will suck your cock.” I really had no clue what sucking a cock was about. I mean I was just 10 a child I shouldn’t be learning to suck a grown man’s cock. I should be learning how throw a curveball, shoot a basketball, fishing or even hunting. Not giving a blow job.
He then got off the bed and sat on the chair. He told me to grab my pillow and put on the floor and put my knees on the pillow in front of him. So I did what I was told. He then pulled his cock out and started to jerk it. I knew what I had to do and I started to jerk his cock. Now I did not mention how big his cock was but he was at 7.5 really thick with a good amount of foreskin.
As I jerked him he looked at me I looked up at him his belly covered most of his face. He said to me “pull down with your hand and hold your hand there, then put it in your mouth try to take as much as you can then with your tongue lick the head.” He pointed at his cock head. “Then lick it and suck it like a popsicle like you’re trying to suck the juice out of it move your head up and down. It’s like you’re jerking me off with your mouth. The urge to use your teeth will hit you but do not to use them just suck and lick it with your tongue.” This was his instructions on how to give a blow job. I still had no clue what I was doing was wrong. But again the feeling of being accepted was a lot more stronger than anything els.
So I did what he said and followed his instructions. As soon as my little 10 year old lips wrapped around his cock his compliments started. I melted hearing those words coming out his mouth. That gave me motivation to suck his cock as he instructed me to be a good boy. I sucked his big cock for the first time and he loved it. His cock was very wet with the precum from it. My jaw open up as wide as I could to make it fit. He just moan and moan as I sucked it. My little hand would jerk him and I sucked it. Then just like that he nutted in my mouth sending loads of cum into my mouth. I remember him saying swallow it swallow as much as you can. I swallowed a whole lot and sum just dripped out my mouth. That night I had became his little cock sucker. I sucked his cock the whole night filled me up with about a gallon of cum.
After this night it start a new routine for us. I would jerk him then preform oral on him, cum in my mouth a lot. There was time I suck his cock all night and there was time I sucked it a couple of times. There was times I suck his cock in the shower. I loved his compliments and how I was treated that I loved sucking his cock to keep him happy. This lasted for about a week of me sucking him off.
Then one night we laid in bed as I sucked him he told me get on my hands and knees. So I did really fast he then started to jerk his cock up and down the slit of my ass and cummed at my ass hole but did not penetrate me. Then this was something new that he would do when he cummed. Something he let me swallow his load other times he jerk into my ass but did not penetrate me.
By this time I was basically sleeping in the same bed with him. One night as we were getting into bed and to play he asked me if I ever had worn girl panties or bras. I said no I haven’t worn that he asked if I would wear it. I told him ok he went into the bathroom and brought a pair of my sisters panties and a small bra. He told me wear this for him I said ok. So I put it on and he just looked at me. Now like I said earlier I had little boobs but the bar made them look bigger. I loved the way he was looking at me. I felt good making him feel like that. But I had no clue what was about to happen to me.
I do believe that this was the turning point for me. Him dressing me as a girl open the door for me to seek out sex with other men. I think that if he would have not dressed me up and had just had sex with me I probably wouldn’t have seek it out like I did. Something about putting on girl clothing changed me forever. To this day I still wear panties, bras, skirts, lingerie and many other things. This is something tuff for me to give up. My wife has no clue that I do this still to this day. I mostly do it when I’m home alone or on a business trip alone in my hotel room. I have tried to get rid of this behavior but I can’t break this cycle.
I then got into bed with him and he started to kiss me like if we were a couple. This was the first time we kissed. Again I jerked him off and then went to suck his cock. Again the compliments had me melting on him. But this time instead of boy he called me his good little girl. I couldn’t comprehend why he would call me that. He knew I was a boy but I like the way I was making him feel that I said nothing to it and accepted it.
After this day I would dress in all sorts of bras and panties for him. I would even sleep wearing that. He bought me teddies they are like night gowns just see-through. I started to be his little girl friend in are bedroom. My parents had no clue what my uncle was doing to me. They hardly ever went into my room. So the privacy we had led us to doing this.
One night as I’m in bras and panties he laid me down and got on top of me as we kissed. I could feel his hard pressing at my little cock as he spread my legs with his. He started to kiss me and kiss my neck then would suck my little nubs of my boobs. He asked if he could fuck me I had no idea what he ment by that. In my mind I was like how is that going to happen I’m a boy not a girl. But I wanted to please him so that he could be happy with me that I just nodded yes at him.
*Trigger warning*
He then got up and grabbed some lube. He started to lube me up while still wearing the panties I remember he lubing my ass up with the lube. Every time he lube my little asshole he insert a finger in me and move it around my hole. Then he pull it out and would do it again. There was pain and pleasure from it. I moan out a little and he said dam you sound like a girl Do it again. As he reinstated his finger in me and move it around. I moan again and he would say “good girl.” I was shocked and surprised that he loved me moaning like a girl. Again I moved that I was making him feel so good so this just fed my desire to please him.
He then positioned himself on top of me and with one hand moved the panties to the side. This other hand he moved his cock up and down and very time he got to me hole he push in a little then pull out. Then he looked at me and said “this might hurt but just relax and hold it in ok.” Then in one move he push a little harder and his cock head went in. I gasped loud as he held there. I cried out a little in pain but he loved the way I moan. Then he pushed in a little more. His cock was opening me up but he was not aggressive he took his time. Every time he would say “you’re doing so good baby.” “Be a good girl for daddy.” Then he pushed in a little more like I said I had pain but I had pleasure with it. What felt forever he finally got his entire cock in me.
Held it there for a few minutes as my little ass got adjusted to his cock in me. The pain was unbearable at first but I had pleasure from it also. After a couple of minutes he began to fuck me slowly at first going half out then back in. Not fast not hard gently fucking me. Then he picked up the pace on fucking me. I moan out loud as he fucked he like that I sound like girl. He tells me to call him daddy so I did “daddy” I would say. After about a few minutes he cummed in me.
My uncle fucked me the whole night with him cuming in me all the time. He put me in every position he knew. After this night I was sleeping in his bed I was like his girlfriend. At night when I was in the room with him I wore girl clothing I would suck him then he fuck me. That was the routine. Sometimes he fucked in the shower I loved that position.
He lived with us for about a 2 and a half years and every night he would have his way with me. When my parents would go out of town and my sister would go spend the night somewhere. We would be all alone in the house he dress me up in skirts bras panties wear makeup and be like a full female. At night he had me wear lingerie as we slept in the same bed. He fuck me at all hours of night. Outside this room with people around us we acted normal but inside the room I was his girlfriend. But I couldn’t wait to go into are bed room and be a couple. I loved him, I actually loved having sex with him.
After he moved out I go visit him at his place and we would engage in sexual acts. I thought it was ok to do it and I enjoyed it. There was times I would spend the night and he would fuck me all night. He take me out of town of course with my parents permission. He dress me up in all sorts of girl outfit and I prance around in them. In the car while driving to are destination I would suck his cock. We would have sex all the time.
Once I turn 14 and half my uncle got married. It slowed down with us fucking. He told me that he still wanted me but I was hard for him to get away. So we would fuck every now and then mostly when his wife was away or he would lie to her about working late. He pick me up we go a motel room and he fuck me.
I never hatted my uncle for doing this to me. As a matter of fact I still don’t hate him at all. He made me feel wanted he made me feel loved when my parents never showed me affection. I remember just now on writing this I brought straight A’s in my report card. I showed both my parents and they were like “oh that’s nice” then went back to what they were doing. I went to my room tossed the report card on my desk. My uncle came home and seen it. He praised me for getting all A’s. He even took me for pizza. I felt so good so wanted. After that we drove to a park and parked in the back. I gave him the best blow job all because he made me feel good.
When I turned 15 it literally stopped with my uncle and I. But I still wanted to have sex with old men. It’s like I needed it like drug, I I hooked up with plenty of girl. I kept my I guess BI side quite from everyone. No one had a clue except a cousin who was the same age as me when I gave him a bj when spending the night. The. Yahoo chat open and I stared looking for men that would show me attention.
For many years I thought this was the way i had to act with men. Allowing them to do whatever they wanted with me. For me I was never forced or was treated wrong. I openly allowed men to have their way with me because of how my uncle treated me. I was probably 16/17 years old that that I realized how very wrong what I was doing with older men. That I was like oh well I love the feeling of getting fucked. In all my encounters I acted and dressed like a girl for them. What the men liked is that I sounded like a little girl. I could change my voice and really sound like a female. Me talking about this helps me heal and the reason I’m here.
I know that during this story I did not put on how I’m healing, but writing it is making me heal. Me talking about and learning why I acted the way I did is helping me he. I know I made it sound like it was enjoyable and to me it was enjoyable. I loved being his little girlfriend his little girl. The attention he was giving me was good. But I realized it was all a sick game he played with me. I was a child who was seeking attention. He could have not done that and taught me other things but no he took advantage of me.
Almost all of my childhood was stolen from me for his own sexual pleasure. What a shame we live in such a perverted world. So much tormenting perversion that an adult has to treat an innocent child this way. Looking back now, 35 years have passed since it all began, I guess I was trained to not be so innocent, after all I was only 10. A little boy looking for attention, to be loved, to be wanted. My uncle bounced on that and took advantage of my vulnerability and I let him in.
My journey of healing is totally different from yours. But one thing I can say is that we are all together on helping each other out on healing. My heart goes out to all of you who had it way worse than me. I’m so sorry for your innocence being taken away by a person you/we trusted.
Many thanks guys for taking the time out of your lives to read my story about my abuse. I just hope and pray someone can relate to this, someone can begin their own journey of healing, someone can find the peace that I am now experiencing with sharing my life with you all. We are Survivors and damn proud of it. Feel free to message me to talk.
Oh I like to say sorry for my misspelling and really bad grammar.
Thank you.
I know that there are many people in this world that suffered far worse abuse than I ever did. My heart goes out to who have suffered way worse than me. My hope is that some of you, that went through a non-violent abuse such as myself, can relate and perhaps know that they are not alone. It’s going to be a long story because I have a good memory and those memories live freely in my mind. I must warn you lots of Trigger warnings*.
I was sexually abused first by my uncle who at the time had moved in with us. He is to blame for how it molded me in to acting the way I did during my teen year until I was in my late thirties. He introduced me to I guess gay sex, crossdressing and acting like a sissy girl. Then my grandfather found out and joined in also and many after that. But after this I actually seek sex with older men. I guess that was my trauma, it’s like I needed to be fucked by older men. The only time I had sex with other male who was the same age as me was my cousin.
The encounter I had with my uncle threw me in a wind spin of emotions. I thought that this the way I had to act with older men. I had no idea it was wrong but was told that it was a secret and no one could know about it. My uncle and I had a full sexual relationship from the age of 10 to about the age of 14 then on and off from there. In which I kept quiet about, not mentioning it to nobody. My uncle had told me that this is the way men and boys do together but that is kept very secret. I did not know that it was very wrong.
Even when I found out that what I was doing with older men was wrong I did not stop. Why did I not stop? Because I grew to loving the attention that I was getting. Growing up my dad was in my life but not in my life if you know what I mean. My dad never showed me attention so when I was getting from my uncle I loved it. Yes I had daddy issues. Also my mom never checked on me at anytime it was like I was alone. I yearn for the attention from my dad and he never showed it to me. Even when I was an adult he never showed me that attention. To this date I don’t have a good relationship with my father. I love my dad don’t get me wrong. I still call him and are conversations on the phone are less then a minute.
When I was in my late thirties that’s when it hit me. I started to think of everything I had done as a child with all those dirty disgusting men. I started to think that I was not worth it, that I was just an object. I’m not gay at all I have a wife and 3 beautiful children. I had plenty of sex with the opposite sex but from the age of 10 to the age of 37 I engaged in homosexual acts. All the men I engaged with were old men at least 15-20 years older than me some way older. One thing that I’d was dress in girl clothing and act like girl towards them. I aged very slow and was hairless so this help out with them pervs.
One day I had to speak up and I confessed to my wife what I was doing. We both cried, I cried more on her shoulders as I told her everything. She agreed that I needed to talk to someone and I did. I talked to a pastor at are church who then found a support group. Something about me talking about it makes me feel good. I have no hatred towards my uncle or my father and mother. I blamed myself for a very long time allowing it to happen but it was not my fault. My uncle just had seen the vulnerability and took advantage of me and I let him do all sorts of things. I will explain in my story how my uncle was able to take advantage of me. But I found out a few years ago that he ended up going to jail for molesting all his granddaughters. That’s when my trauma started.
When I heard that news that he had gone to jail it hit me. I was just a child, who seek attention from an adult. I was not looking on doing the things he made me do. I was angry I was sad I did not know what to do. Until I told someone my loving wife of 20 years. But still being married I acted out with older men.
I expressed out towards other men that would show me attention. For many years I thought this was the way i had to act with men. Allowing them to do whatever they wanted with me. Playing there dark fantasies dressing up for them acting like a little girl. For me I was never forced or was treated wrong. I openly allowed men to have their way with me because of how my uncle treated me. In all my encounters I acted and dressed like a girl for them. What the men liked is that I sounded like a little girl. To this day I don’t know how I could manage to do it. I could change my voice and really sound like a female. Me talking about this helps me heal and the reason I’m here.
A person in my support group in which I still go mentioned this site. I been coming here for about a month but just joined a couple of days ago. Reading the stories really helps me with understanding what happened to me.
Here is my story on how I was abused. I’m going to get somewhat graphic on my story. It’s the only way I know how to tell my story. By telling the story from my own eyes helps me heal.
So like I said my uncle was my first abuser who started it all. I was 10 years old when it happened it was about 3 months before I turned 11. The year it started was in 1990. So before I was sexually abused by my abuser I had no clue about gay sex. Let’s face it guys when we were that young we all talked shit to each other like “your gay” “suck my dick” but we didn’t know what it was. Well I didn’t know what being gay was.
At the age of 10 I was little thing kinda chubby, hairless, I had little boy boobs that stuck out, and I was told I had a nice round butt. Thick thighs caramel complexion, and puffy pink lips. I’m just giving you an illustration on how I looked.
At home I had both parents and an older sister who at the time had just turn 12. My parents were in their early to mid 30’s when I was abused. My uncle was in his late forties I think he was 49 or 50. We lived in a small two-story home. My parents and sister rooms were up stairs and mine was down stairs I had my own shower (lucky me). This would give my abuser and I so much privacy to do things to me. My parents hardly ever would go into my room. The location of my room was far in the back that I could make so much noise no one would hear it. The location of my room was perfect place for my abuser to have his way with me. Since my parents never came into my room it gave him a lot more freedom on what to do with me.
I remember the day my uncle moved in with us like if it was yesterday. It was during the summer break in the beginning of a hot June month. I came racing towards my house in my bike. I had just left the public pool with my friends. I was shirtless and was wearing very tight swimming shorts. The kind that had my little ass cheeks sticking out. As I walked in the house my parents along with my uncle were at the table. I noticed his bags next to him. My uncle is my mom’s older brother.
I greeted him and asked to be excused. As I did I went to take a shower in my bathroom. When I came out I was wearing just my tiny Whiteys my uncle was on my chair in my room. He said “well looks like we are going to be roommates.” I notice him looking at me up and down but didn’t think nothing of it.
My uncle had moved in with us because he had lost his job and was divorced from his wife. I got along with my uncle before this he never made me feel uncomfortable. Never did I think he like doing what he did to me. That same day him and my father put a twin size bed in my room. My dad looked at me and said “it’s just temporary kid.” Of me growing up in that house up until the time I left my dad and mom probably walked in my room 5 to 10 times in my room.
The first couple of weeks nothing happened until my mom and dad had to go to a wedding that was 5 hours away. The wedding was on my dad’s side so my uncle was not going. The invitation said no kids so my sister and I could not go. My parents would be leaving on a Thursday and returning late Sunday evening. My sister being older she was taken to my aunts house to babysit are little cousins as my aunt and uncle went to the wedding with them. So I was left alone with my uncle. I did not think nothing of it plus he is my uncle he will protect me. Right?
I did not mentioned this but I’m Hispanic. So when I got home from a friends house it wasn’t to late. I walked in the house and my uncle was in the room. He said “hey mojito, how are you?” I told I was ok and that I was going to wash up. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him I said sure. When I was done I dressed up in a tank top and tight shorts with my whitey underwear.
I got out and he was in boxer shorts and a tshirt. My uncle was not good looking at all not muscular, he had a beer gut he was bald. Hairy chest and arms he was very hairy.
*Slight trigger warning*
Anyways the movie started and it was a Mexican movie. The movie was just a move not real not a porno. I remember the plot was a family of 4 it was a dad, mother son and their niece was with them. The niece was acting like a young teen girl, the actress was very hot in the movie. They had gone on vacation and went to some paintball place to enjoy the day. The niece in the move ended up being sexually assaulted in the movie by a way older staff member. The movie was very graphic on showing this girl almost fully nude and getting raped by this old man. It was a movie not real. But it had gotten me very hard seen her tits bounce, her screaming.
I think my uncle seen the way I was looking at the movie. Asked if I had ever seen a movie like this. I said no and asked if I was hard. I said “what” to him and he said hard like this and showed me his hard on while still wearing his boxers. He asked if he could see mine. I was very curious and lifted the covers. He then lowered his boxers down and his cock sprung out. I just looked at his hard cock as he stroked it up and down. He asked to see mine and I pulled my shorts and underwear down. But I was looking at his on how big and juicy it looked.
He asked me if I wanted to touch his cock and I just nodded. He laid out on his bed and pat the bed next to him. I went to him and I just touched it my hands could barely go around his thick shaft. When my hands touched his cock he said “oh that’s a good boy.” When I heard that I fell in love with him. The compliment that I was looking for had finally been given to me. I was accepted by a family member. My hand started to move up and down on his hard cock. He kept moaning and telling me I was doing a good job so I kept doing to please him. The compliments he was giving me I loved so much.
I had no idea what we were doing was so wrong. I was a very curious boy but at the same time I was loving his compliments towards me. I felt accepted by him by a father figure. That entire night we just jerked each other off with him cuming all over my hand.
In the morning we woke up and did not say anything about it. We were still alone as my parents were out of town and my sister at my aunts house. He told me “look J, what we did last night is what boys and men do together. But it’s a private game we play.” I should have know this was a red flag but I was more interested in making him love me. He said “so we have to keep quiet because if someone finds out then the game is over. Okay?” I said “okay tio, I won’t say anything.” I remember his grin he gave me like saying “his mine” and from that point on I was.
That night we did it again I jerked him off again with him cumming on my hands. Then this became a routine for us when we were alone in the room. I jerk his cock until he would cum on my hands or sometime he cum on my face. I remember it was like usual we get ready for bed and we wait a good hour then are little play time would start. I loved jerking him off. I loved more because of the compliments he gave me. His attention he gave me was wonderful that I finally felt wanted. The attention he gave me outside the room I loved it he take me to the store he treated me like his son. Something I have wanted to for so long. So I knew that if I just kept doing what he wanted he loved me.
Then one night he asked if I had ever tried to suck a cock I said no. Then he asked if I wanted to try to suck his cock. I was so into making him feel so good that I said “yes tio I will suck your cock.” I really had no clue what sucking a cock was about. I mean I was just 10 a child I shouldn’t be learning to suck a grown man’s cock. I should be learning how throw a curveball, shoot a basketball, fishing or even hunting. Not giving a blow job.
He then got off the bed and sat on the chair. He told me to grab my pillow and put on the floor and put my knees on the pillow in front of him. So I did what I was told. He then pulled his cock out and started to jerk it. I knew what I had to do and I started to jerk his cock. Now I did not mention how big his cock was but he was at 7.5 really thick with a good amount of foreskin.
As I jerked him he looked at me I looked up at him his belly covered most of his face. He said to me “pull down with your hand and hold your hand there, then put it in your mouth try to take as much as you can then with your tongue lick the head.” He pointed at his cock head. “Then lick it and suck it like a popsicle like you’re trying to suck the juice out of it move your head up and down. It’s like you’re jerking me off with your mouth. The urge to use your teeth will hit you but do not to use them just suck and lick it with your tongue.” This was his instructions on how to give a blow job. I still had no clue what I was doing was wrong. But again the feeling of being accepted was a lot more stronger than anything els.
So I did what he said and followed his instructions. As soon as my little 10 year old lips wrapped around his cock his compliments started. I melted hearing those words coming out his mouth. That gave me motivation to suck his cock as he instructed me to be a good boy. I sucked his big cock for the first time and he loved it. His cock was very wet with the precum from it. My jaw open up as wide as I could to make it fit. He just moan and moan as I sucked it. My little hand would jerk him and I sucked it. Then just like that he nutted in my mouth sending loads of cum into my mouth. I remember him saying swallow it swallow as much as you can. I swallowed a whole lot and sum just dripped out my mouth. That night I had became his little cock sucker. I sucked his cock the whole night filled me up with about a gallon of cum.
After this night it start a new routine for us. I would jerk him then preform oral on him, cum in my mouth a lot. There was time I suck his cock all night and there was time I sucked it a couple of times. There was times I suck his cock in the shower. I loved his compliments and how I was treated that I loved sucking his cock to keep him happy. This lasted for about a week of me sucking him off.
Then one night we laid in bed as I sucked him he told me get on my hands and knees. So I did really fast he then started to jerk his cock up and down the slit of my ass and cummed at my ass hole but did not penetrate me. Then this was something new that he would do when he cummed. Something he let me swallow his load other times he jerk into my ass but did not penetrate me.
By this time I was basically sleeping in the same bed with him. One night as we were getting into bed and to play he asked me if I ever had worn girl panties or bras. I said no I haven’t worn that he asked if I would wear it. I told him ok he went into the bathroom and brought a pair of my sisters panties and a small bra. He told me wear this for him I said ok. So I put it on and he just looked at me. Now like I said earlier I had little boobs but the bar made them look bigger. I loved the way he was looking at me. I felt good making him feel like that. But I had no clue what was about to happen to me.
I do believe that this was the turning point for me. Him dressing me as a girl open the door for me to seek out sex with other men. I think that if he would have not dressed me up and had just had sex with me I probably wouldn’t have seek it out like I did. Something about putting on girl clothing changed me forever. To this day I still wear panties, bras, skirts, lingerie and many other things. This is something tuff for me to give up. My wife has no clue that I do this still to this day. I mostly do it when I’m home alone or on a business trip alone in my hotel room. I have tried to get rid of this behavior but I can’t break this cycle.
I then got into bed with him and he started to kiss me like if we were a couple. This was the first time we kissed. Again I jerked him off and then went to suck his cock. Again the compliments had me melting on him. But this time instead of boy he called me his good little girl. I couldn’t comprehend why he would call me that. He knew I was a boy but I like the way I was making him feel that I said nothing to it and accepted it.
After this day I would dress in all sorts of bras and panties for him. I would even sleep wearing that. He bought me teddies they are like night gowns just see-through. I started to be his little girl friend in are bedroom. My parents had no clue what my uncle was doing to me. They hardly ever went into my room. So the privacy we had led us to doing this.
One night as I’m in bras and panties he laid me down and got on top of me as we kissed. I could feel his hard pressing at my little cock as he spread my legs with his. He started to kiss me and kiss my neck then would suck my little nubs of my boobs. He asked if he could fuck me I had no idea what he ment by that. In my mind I was like how is that going to happen I’m a boy not a girl. But I wanted to please him so that he could be happy with me that I just nodded yes at him.
*Trigger warning*
He then got up and grabbed some lube. He started to lube me up while still wearing the panties I remember he lubing my ass up with the lube. Every time he lube my little asshole he insert a finger in me and move it around my hole. Then he pull it out and would do it again. There was pain and pleasure from it. I moan out a little and he said dam you sound like a girl Do it again. As he reinstated his finger in me and move it around. I moan again and he would say “good girl.” I was shocked and surprised that he loved me moaning like a girl. Again I moved that I was making him feel so good so this just fed my desire to please him.
He then positioned himself on top of me and with one hand moved the panties to the side. This other hand he moved his cock up and down and very time he got to me hole he push in a little then pull out. Then he looked at me and said “this might hurt but just relax and hold it in ok.” Then in one move he push a little harder and his cock head went in. I gasped loud as he held there. I cried out a little in pain but he loved the way I moan. Then he pushed in a little more. His cock was opening me up but he was not aggressive he took his time. Every time he would say “you’re doing so good baby.” “Be a good girl for daddy.” Then he pushed in a little more like I said I had pain but I had pleasure with it. What felt forever he finally got his entire cock in me.
Held it there for a few minutes as my little ass got adjusted to his cock in me. The pain was unbearable at first but I had pleasure from it also. After a couple of minutes he began to fuck me slowly at first going half out then back in. Not fast not hard gently fucking me. Then he picked up the pace on fucking me. I moan out loud as he fucked he like that I sound like girl. He tells me to call him daddy so I did “daddy” I would say. After about a few minutes he cummed in me.
My uncle fucked me the whole night with him cuming in me all the time. He put me in every position he knew. After this night I was sleeping in his bed I was like his girlfriend. At night when I was in the room with him I wore girl clothing I would suck him then he fuck me. That was the routine. Sometimes he fucked in the shower I loved that position.
He lived with us for about a 2 and a half years and every night he would have his way with me. When my parents would go out of town and my sister would go spend the night somewhere. We would be all alone in the house he dress me up in skirts bras panties wear makeup and be like a full female. At night he had me wear lingerie as we slept in the same bed. He fuck me at all hours of night. Outside this room with people around us we acted normal but inside the room I was his girlfriend. But I couldn’t wait to go into are bed room and be a couple. I loved him, I actually loved having sex with him.
After he moved out I go visit him at his place and we would engage in sexual acts. I thought it was ok to do it and I enjoyed it. There was times I would spend the night and he would fuck me all night. He take me out of town of course with my parents permission. He dress me up in all sorts of girl outfit and I prance around in them. In the car while driving to are destination I would suck his cock. We would have sex all the time.
Once I turn 14 and half my uncle got married. It slowed down with us fucking. He told me that he still wanted me but I was hard for him to get away. So we would fuck every now and then mostly when his wife was away or he would lie to her about working late. He pick me up we go a motel room and he fuck me.
I never hatted my uncle for doing this to me. As a matter of fact I still don’t hate him at all. He made me feel wanted he made me feel loved when my parents never showed me affection. I remember just now on writing this I brought straight A’s in my report card. I showed both my parents and they were like “oh that’s nice” then went back to what they were doing. I went to my room tossed the report card on my desk. My uncle came home and seen it. He praised me for getting all A’s. He even took me for pizza. I felt so good so wanted. After that we drove to a park and parked in the back. I gave him the best blow job all because he made me feel good.
When I turned 15 it literally stopped with my uncle and I. But I still wanted to have sex with old men. It’s like I needed it like drug, I I hooked up with plenty of girl. I kept my I guess BI side quite from everyone. No one had a clue except a cousin who was the same age as me when I gave him a bj when spending the night. The. Yahoo chat open and I stared looking for men that would show me attention.
For many years I thought this was the way i had to act with men. Allowing them to do whatever they wanted with me. For me I was never forced or was treated wrong. I openly allowed men to have their way with me because of how my uncle treated me. I was probably 16/17 years old that that I realized how very wrong what I was doing with older men. That I was like oh well I love the feeling of getting fucked. In all my encounters I acted and dressed like a girl for them. What the men liked is that I sounded like a little girl. I could change my voice and really sound like a female. Me talking about this helps me heal and the reason I’m here.
I know that during this story I did not put on how I’m healing, but writing it is making me heal. Me talking about and learning why I acted the way I did is helping me he. I know I made it sound like it was enjoyable and to me it was enjoyable. I loved being his little girlfriend his little girl. The attention he was giving me was good. But I realized it was all a sick game he played with me. I was a child who was seeking attention. He could have not done that and taught me other things but no he took advantage of me.
Almost all of my childhood was stolen from me for his own sexual pleasure. What a shame we live in such a perverted world. So much tormenting perversion that an adult has to treat an innocent child this way. Looking back now, 35 years have passed since it all began, I guess I was trained to not be so innocent, after all I was only 10. A little boy looking for attention, to be loved, to be wanted. My uncle bounced on that and took advantage of my vulnerability and I let him in.
My journey of healing is totally different from yours. But one thing I can say is that we are all together on helping each other out on healing. My heart goes out to all of you who had it way worse than me. I’m so sorry for your innocence being taken away by a person you/we trusted.
Many thanks guys for taking the time out of your lives to read my story about my abuse. I just hope and pray someone can relate to this, someone can begin their own journey of healing, someone can find the peace that I am now experiencing with sharing my life with you all. We are Survivors and damn proud of it. Feel free to message me to talk.
Oh I like to say sorry for my misspelling and really bad grammar.
Thank you.