How do you stop compulsive behavoir?


I having taken a major hit on the road to recovery. I've been so depressed lately that i am having trouble doing anything at all. I sleep way too much, i don't want to talk to anybody, and have headaches and muscle tension everywhere.

My fantasies are getting out of control. It's like i can't stop. I'm addicted to being humilated, forced to wear womens clothing and being raped and used like a woman. It's so fucking twisted, because the entire point is that i don't want to have them, which is why it is arousing. I don't want to think of myself tat way, and the stress of constantly fighting them is horrendous. Any response is welcome, but if anyone else has had some sort of compulsive sexual behavior, could you tell me something you do to help you with it?

Oh btw, i've been having trouble finding support in orange county, but i haven't been looking too hard either. (too depressed) If anybody has any resources they think might be helpfull i'd appreciate it.

michael Joseph

I have been having a extreamly hard time with this too. I have hit a wall, Pain, Pain, Pain. I have also forgiven myself for some things. A lot of my acting out was recreating the abuse in the hopes that it would end differently, but it never does.

I am reaching out to my friends, making phone calls, ect. Trying to see the good in me.

Hi Broken

I would like to share the following with you. I was abused by a "friend of the family" when I was 13. It took the form of mild spanking, rubbing of my backside, and masturbation. I now have fantasies about being spanked, and get aroused by putting on school shorts and imagine being spanked. I am very confused, yet I am heterosexual.


:rolleyes: Broken,
For me I had to check my thoughts first.

Was my emotions in control? or was my intellect in control?

Than is it an established trend of the mind,
my thinking, crying didn't help,
my thinking, sex can make a differents,
of corse this is my childhood way of thinking
getting in the way today.

It didn't become a physical act or a social act entill it was established by frequent repetition.

Then with the idea and the physical becoming an unconscious inclination to a preoccupation, to a compulsive habit.

That means, no more money, for sex for me.
because I had illicit sex for money and what
I can get with it, and not for intimacy and affection.

You may have perpetuated sex in a different way?, intimidated? the way it sounds.
What do you think?

And it may be easy to hold on to the safe old characteristic then willing to change.

If not lets look at affectation and affectiveness, are they resulting from emotions or feelings rather then from thought?

I have look at my self in these areas and you do not have to answer to me and you may want to look for your self for the answers.

fmighell Anc Ak :rolleyes:

michael Joseph

I hit bottom again I am done, I connot take acting out anymore, I love my wife. I want to keep what I have instead of ending up with nothing.

It sounds like you are going to need to confront your abuse and go through the hell that is recovery. I had a lot of compulsive behavior before I dealt with my own SA. As I confronted my own self-hatred and shame and realized those experiences were how the abuse shaped me (and more importantly, how I reacted to it), the compulsions naturally subsided. I still struggle with them from time to time, but they never dominate me anymore.

So, what you are going to need to do is get some help. Find a therapist who specializes in the treatment of sexually abused males. They are out there, just a little hard to find. Also of great help to me was finding a group of men with similar experiences (and similar reactions to those experiences).

Reading is the other component of my own recovery. The book "Abused Boys, the Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse" by Mic Hunter sincerely changed my life.

If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me at
Take care and know you are not alone,

[ 05-18-2001: Message edited by: jeb ]



keep talking about it, dont let it get to be any more of a secret than it already is

when i get hit in the face with ugly stuff about me that i sure dont want around in my life i usually freak out for a while about it and then i start working on finding a way to love myself, like finding a way for this to be ok to be part of my life, i make that the focus, i got a pretty good therapist right now and i dont pull any punches when talking to him, lifes to short to not just put it all out there, i dont want to live with secrets, and the thing i have to remind myself of over and over is that i did not dream this stuff up myself, it was like seeds planted there by my abuser, he is responsible, it makes it easier for me to love myself when i can be so mad at him for all the garbage he left for me to clean up, that make sense?

i hope you start feeling better about things soon, i been where you are and it stinks to hang out there very long.

I almost forgot, hehe, for me i found out that compulsive behavior was part of a cycle, it was a short term fix to help me feel better, followed by shame and guilt that made me feel bad, which led back to needing to feel better again, see the pattern,,

anyways, breaking the cycle by talking about it and getting some support for my struggles and finding ways to see how it was not so much me that was wanting this stuff as it was leftovers from the abuse and accepting that i was really a good guy just trying to get by in a pile of doo doo helped alot.

I think your a good guy too, and i am sorry you got this pile of doo doo to deal with, its not yours though, it belongs to your abuser.


[ 05-19-2001: Message edited by: SoCalJohn ]


Thanks for the replies all, means alot. I guess the answer is the same no matter what it is, just keep on trucking, and don't refuse help when your down. i'm feeling a little better lately. I hate addiction, it's ruined almost my entire family. My dad was on heroin, my mom is a co-dependant, which is so sad, since she overcame her heroine addiction. My uncle is a struggling cokehead, my moms first 3 live in boyfriends were alchoholics, and i'm currently living with a 4th who has the same problem. I think i have more shame for having the compulsion than the for the humiliattion the fantasies or physical actions have themselves.

It would be nice if we made like a semi solid online orginization where we posted every once in a while at predetermaned dates, kind've like group therapy. Or maybe a chatroom or IRC. It would be like having a boys club or something. Hows, "The Righteous Survivers Secret Clubhouse"? Our motto could be, "Let go of your pain, take contol of your life, 2 dirty joke minimum" :D


If there was a chat room or something like that, I would definately be there a lot. Just wanted to support that idea.

It's funny... When I read your topic, I wanted to answer your question. But, how can I tell you how to stop compulsive behavior when I have the same problem?!

However, I will say this. One thing I know is true... When you connect with the pain of what you (me, them, us, anyone) are doing, and decide that it is worse than the pain of stopping, you'll stop. In other words, you have to reach the bottom, before you can start moving toward the top.

I've reached the bottom many times in my life. I sincerely hope that I have reached it for the last time. :confused: