Hi Strangeways. My interactions with some female sexual assault survivors has helped me some. There's one woman and some trans women whom I read regularly that have helped me lessen focus I have; that being, I've had less success being comfortable around women, and seeking some jobs, because they're predominantly held by women. The jobs I wanted in the past were working for government in various openings, and being around women, might have included seeking companionship, or other. I've not made it to one interview in any job attempts, nor can I show any past connection with women that became lasting, intimate, nor friendship. Women hold the vast majority of those jobs I applied, and I've likely displayed my vulnerability, being unsure and not confident, so any past woman could ignore me. Why that has been is open to conjecture I've thought about, and usually gets very negative.
The other parts about women's overwhelming predominance regarding research, support, therapies, advocacy and laws outpace mens' when regarding what this body of men have been dealing with. This has shown we men are left out of the broader or local discussions concerning our trauma. There is quite a bit more I would do about that neglect, had I a platform that's as welcoming as MS is toward our needs, but occurred in broader and open society. That men are still working to have more recognition of our trauma, where women have overwhelming support, can bring some dismay.
When I read about the reactions, responses and perceptions of men who've been abused by women, being left out of the broad scope of support resonates more. The double and more hurt and added pain to sense, to know, and perceive compared to women who've had decades of laws, and resources built to support their trauma needs has become unacceptable. Men have wandered in the wasteland, and that hurt shows up here and elsewhere with a passion to be heard, helped, understood and supported. There has to be a lot of pain knowing how long we've waited for help to recognize we're here.
I will not stay with those thoughts for long, it's counter to where I want to go, but I acknowledge how deeply hurt all the above is for men abused by women. That there are women who project a rage toward men, which they'll find ways to justify, can be rightly defined as revenge. The history of the current trend to lash out at men, from radical and band-wagon women's groups, cliches and platforms, has become harder to ignore owing to the internet; this internet gives voice to prejudices, biases, bigotry and so on, like never before.
Knowing these things doesn't help you, and if all that triggers tension or/and anger, I'm sorry. My intention is to convey an understanding of men being left out, and how in particular men who suffer/ed trauma by women, are dealing with this trauma with added obstacles.
We're all glad we Have MS and other online resources to help work on the many issues we face. We're going to have more progress with more of us reaching out here, and in the broader voice we're sharing. That is happening, and there are more male voices who advocate and tell their stories. We will get there, but who knows when? Therapies have improved for us, that I'm very aware. I have worked on my frustration about being left out, having not made progress in past career attempts, and feeling wrong in my own skin for decades. That is all therapy, discussions here, and elsewhere, that have given me some means to explore being kinder to myself, and actually beginning to like and love myself. Those last two are only this year, and looking back, the few times I cared about myself, were minimum windows, and they closed with massive doors, walls and enclosure, to trap me in my despairing mind. I'm sure these last words can be related to, and I'm replying because so much of this trauma and pain has hurt my life, that the beginnings of progress, though perceived as tenuous, can also be embraced by me as real. I seek your and other men here to continue to share like you've done, to help sort and wonder of our progress.
We have a lot to offer each other, and hope is among the parts that resonates with me. I can register some hope in your post, you acknowledge there are some who may have worked to lessen the grip of vigilance concerning women, and what may be done? I've had a lifetime of fear about women, but equally men, and that puts me somewhere I perceive myself an outlier? I've had good interactions with some relationships over the decades, but some of the trauma had created filters about what I am in those. I always felt less than, unworthy, and being a part of others lives was by their grace, not that I'm accepted, but that I'm tolerated. That self loathing perspective, the blinders which I set up, helped keep me less engaged with those whom I interacted. I would be less likely hurt, if I maintained distance. That is, I felt vulnerable, so, I would sabotage my thoughts about myself.
To seek getting past that, was not too important to me not long ago. The threat that being vulnerable held over me, has become less of a threat this year. I accept myself, who I am, and what goes with that, more so this year than ever before. It's been a long time developing, and the decades of self loathing are in my rear-view mirror of awareness. I want it to stay behind me now, but we all know there's work needed to maintain what I've begun to hope.
This response to you, is that therapy and here have begun progress toward working past my vulnerabilities, and perceptions of threat concerning women, and it is slowly happening about men too. I share, hoping this makes sense, and maybe some of this seems to have been on your radar too. Thanks for starting this conversation
@Strangeways